Have you ever looked into your jewelry box and thought to yourself, “I wish my accessories had something to say!”?

Did you want that thing to be, “I am an idiot with too much money”?

If so, your dream is about to come true!

Introducing the “Pearly Sleeping Beauty Collage Statement Necklace” from CandyBellaJewelry!

CandyBella’s “highly collectible couture art pieces” are made from “vintage estate jewelry that’s been revamped and glitterized, and tonnnnns of swarovski crystals and glass beads,” allowing you the rare opportunity to broadcast your idiocy to the world at full volume for only $150!

The visionary behind CandyBella, Kati, is a “self-proclaimed ‘glamour addict’” whose definition of “glamour” includes stars, hearts, and “her favorite adhesive, the same formula used in the world’s best surfboard repair shops.”

Her long-winded profile contains a fairytale mess of insights into her creative process, like this Swarovski gem: “Tiny multi-colored glass finishing beads the size of sand grains are what Kati calls the “cupcake sprinkles” of the pieces, explaining that while the majority of them will remain in place, the natural falling of a few of these mini marbles is a natural part of the CandyBella experience, the same way that sprinkles tumble from the tops of cupcakes.”

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Have you been frustrated over the plain-jane status of your baseball caps? Maybe you think your jogging headgear lacks pizazz? Fret no longer, we have the item listing for you.

For the woman who has only the best of everything!

This fantastic special piece will quite the conversation starter! Want to stand out in a crowd….? Then try this hot original cap…not ONE other like it anywhere!

You will die when you see this piece in person! Everyone will want to touch it!

I probably would die if I saw it in person, but not because of its breathtaking beauty. More of a rolling-on-the-floor-in-hilarious-agony sort of death. However this creation takes your breath away, it can be yours for just $320.00.

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Cat Rocketship makes and yells about art at pleaseobey.com.

$225.00

Now your daughter can be the envy of the mental ward with her very own sweaty-looking Barbie head & “Swarovsky Crystal” (sic) adorned bracelet. Nice bow, Barbs!

Right this way to see even more beautiful nutty creations!

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Whether you’ve been to a strip club or not, I’m sure you can imagine what those ladies can do with a stripper pole. All that upper body strength? Leg wrapping techniques?

Uh. Nevermind.

Hey, mommy? What’s on your necklace?!

“Oh, nothing sweetie. It’s just a dancing lady.”

A wee little nekkid lady.

Uhhhhhh. Riiiiiiight.

I’ll contack you right after you clean that stripper pole. It’s a little too authentic for me.

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Pinky and the Brain?

I think I’m losing my touch. I have NO idea what this is or what it’s meant to be.

None.

From the listing:

These are Fimo Clay Cresents made from clear, white and pink color. They will fit earlobles the size of 5/8″ only

Maybe their meant to be earrings?

They kinda remind me of little bit of intestine.

Or brains.

Ya. Brains.

*shrugs*

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