Whether it’s a first birthday or a 50th birthday all birthdays are special. Why not make it extra special with a keepsake party hat.

Because if you do, I will kill you. That’s why.

Middle age is full of its own humiliations. I don’t need anyone to add to them. Yes, I’m cranky. That’s one of the enjoyable parts about getting older.

{Source} $24.95 and your imminent death.

Have you ever noticed that those mall Easter Bunnies always look fully demented? Maybe Fred is in homage to the fine tradition of dressing your kid up, taking them to the mall, and scaring the hell out of them.

{Source} $45 but don’t take candy from him

Just in time for Easter: your lucky crucifix.

Go ahead, point out the swastika-ish thing going on, too. I know you want to.
{Source} $34.95 and all the luck you can handle.

We had an Easter item yesterday, and in the spirit of our cat/dog fur equal time a few days ago, today we’ll celebrate a springtime Jewish holiday, Purim.

Too bad Purim was back on March 7-8! D’oh! Missed it! Hopelessly goyish of me, I know. But I searched and searched for weird Passover items and unfortunately (for the purposes of this blog), etsy is full of tasteful, artistic Passover-related crafts.

So back to Purim! A hamentaschen kippah/yarmulke! Otherwise known as a stylized baked confection that looks like a hat…CROCHETED ON A HAT! It’s the circle of life!

Some people (where “people” = Wikipedia) say the triangular folded Hamantaschen cookies are supposed to represent ears, but that’s ridiculous. A hamentash TOTALLY looks like a weird three-cornered hat and I’m sticking to it).

{Source} $25, or the price of a couple pounds of excellent Hamantaschen at Zabar’s in NYC.

Can we not get an innoculation against this sort of thing? First it was snowmen dressed like the Holy Family, now Easter Claus:

It looks like they aren’t going to stop, either:

Designing Santa Claus is so much fun that I can’t limit myself to just having Christmas Santa gourds, so I decided to create them for all the holidays. Easter Claus is one of the first of many seasonal Santas.

I guess the saving grace is that the person actually has artistic talent.
{Source} The not-so-saving grace is that it will set you back $650