So I wrote an ode to America on The 4th and was then accused that I can dish it out, but not take it. I am here today to show you that I can, in fact take it.

I can take it hard.

We’re like that here in Canada, Eh?

{source}

I believe it’s supposed to be “I Am Canadian”, but when I see it I think, “I Am Canada.”

And Canada? It’s HUGE.

Then I think, “That’s a HUGE b!tch!”

(Thank you for coming along on this tour of Sam’s Train of Thought. Please keep your hands inside the cart at all times.)

We love hockey here in Canada. So much so that we even manage to include it in our very special day:

{source}

So. Hot.

Imagine being a groom, going up your lady’s dress and seeing an ode to your favourite hockey team. Awesome, right?

I know.

And of course – MUST have a grand poobah – to keep it fair.

{source}

That’s just about the fattest horse – ever. Like an apple on toothpicks fat.

And please tell me: what is up with that tail!?

Happy (belated by six days) Canada Day.

You know, to show that we can take it.

Karen and I would love to wish our Americus friends a very Happy 4th of July! I hope you’re enjoying your hot dogs, hamburgers and family gatherings.

(Psssst. Today is also Karen’s birthday!)

Happy Birthday Karen!!

When it comes to the fourth of July, I always think of the Team America: World Police theme song (if you click the link please beware that it’s explicit and NSFW, old people, or most family gatherings).

(It’s likely entirely inappropriate seeing as I am Canadian and it’s a parody of America but! I mean no disrespect, it’s just funny and makes me laugh.)

(This site hasn’t ever been known for being appropriate or non-judgmental, has it? I mean, you have read it, right?)

(If you have a moment, I highly recommend reading the comments on the YouTube thread. Hilarious!)

And if you’re so inclined, you could sport this beaut to the fireworks show this evening!

{source}

Maybe a new resin Barbie face necklace?

From the listing:

For this pendant, I used the bluest eyes, the reddest lips, and the whitest cap I could find!

This pendant measures two inches long and 1.5 inches wide, and half an inch deep. Shipped on black rubber tubing with a little black cap for the toggle clasp. (It would probably look a lot better on a gold chain.)

(I always laugh when a crafter states that they could have something different to make their item more appealing but chose not to.)

{source}

And now, the grand finale! The grand poobah!

If this isn’t upcycled I don’t know what is!

From the listing:

This is a ONE OF A KIND design!! Here is a very patriotic Uncle Sam holding his American Flag!! His face is a copy from an antique picture from my collection! His body is made from vintage silvery gray and sky blue chenille stems ~ a vintage silver Christmas light bulb reflector is behind his head to add some holiday sparkle ~ blue tinsel pipe cleaner hanger!

(P.S. I think “vintage chenille stems” is code for “used pipe cleaners”)

{source}

Have a great 4th of July America!

Love your Crazy Canuck friends!

I love my children more than anything, but I am not one of those people who keep their umbilical cord, first curl or teeth.

Yes, I’m looking at you.

No thank you, not me. There’s just something about keeping molted part and pieces I find extremely eerie and demented.

Yes. I am looking at you.

Why not nail clippings to while you’re at it?

Yes. YOU.

But I digress.

Someone, somewhere will find this to be a fabulous idea.

Kinda like hanging their baby’s first shoe from the rear view mirror, only NOT.

This is a pair of Victorian inspired blackened cameo Genuine baby teeth earrings. The teeth have been cleaned and sanitized and are set on a black velvet pillow resting on a blackened cameo.

Yes, ladies you can wear your child’s molars on your ears.

The ultimate Helicopter Mom gift, if you ask me.

:: shudder ::

Mother’s Day is coming up. Too old? Meh. Just get in a bar fight or slug someone during a hockey game then just glue those babies on a set of earrings.

Thanks Candace Trew Calming for sending us this one!

{ source }

Forget a Christmas wreaths. Here’s some for the whole year ’round!

And if that’s not great enough.

I can keep it up all year! Maybe even use it as a nightlight for the kids.

That outta keep them scared sh*tless at night which means they won’t be getting out of bed – and if they do? It goes on their bedroom wall.

It makes you want to raid your kid’s toy box, doesn’t it? Yes. Yes, it does.

No Barbies in the house? No worries!

I’m making this one from all my kid’s crap.

No kids? No trouble; here’s one for you!

You get a double dose of Teh Crazy.

Raid your local paint store for all their chips and you can create wreaths to match every friggin’ room in the house!

Thanks to Tracy Lee and Kristen!

{source}

We’ve seen some craptastic sweaters, now it’s time for The Vests!

(more…)