If I spot you wearing this felted cuff, I will feel compelled to cuff you upside the head.

My hatred of all things felted continues unabated.
{Source} $25, but you can use it to wipe your nose and save on Kleenex.

This is suggested as a baby shower gift, to be used as a garden decoration.

Isn’t the last thing a hugely pregnant woman needs is a visual reminder that she’s hugely pregnant? Just wondering.

{Source} $40, but a gift card to Target would be nice, too.

This bracelet is perfect for your dream wedding. Your dream ZOMBIE wedding.

{Source} $120. Not found at Tiffany.

The perfect gift for Brony with a gross sense of humor. If you don’t know what a Brony is, I’m sorry to have to tell you that this is a real thing: a grown-ass man with an obsession for My Little Pony. Yep.

So this is titled “The Fart Particles of a My Little Pony.” Doesn’t have quite the same ring as Dejeuner Sur L’Herbes, but these are different times.

{Source} $250. As if.

George Carlin, looking PISSED. I don’t think I’d want to share my home with him.

{Source}