I was so excited when I came across the thing I planned to blog for my first Craftastrophe post. It was horrific. It was gross. It was the kind of inexplicable mistake that is the definition of this site.
So imagine my surprise when I finally sat down to compose, and out of left field came this thing’s ugly step-sister. This thing’s ugly, naked, wart-faced, hunch-backed troll of a step-sister, barreling down on me at top speed with seven bloody, sparkly tampons clutched in her fat, waxy talons.
I give you the “Absolutely Genius Tampon Windchimes Essence of Life Windchimes.”
In addition to having a title that just won’t quit, these wind chimes promise to “remind you why being a woman is so wonderful” (because the best part of any woman’s month is when red glitter pours out of her lady bits).
The chimes feature sturdy bamboo craftsmanship, “100% real tampons,” and “[a] vintage jewelry peice…showcasing the essence of woman.”
Apparently, the “essence of woman” is that cheap necklace you wore in third grade until its fake chain started turning your neck green.
Sure, you could pay $15 for plain ol’ bamboo chimes that clink and, you know, chime in the wind–OR you could pay $25 (plus shipping) for these!
Have you been frustrated over the plain-jane status of your baseball caps? Maybe you think your jogging headgear lacks pizazz? Fret no longer, we have the item listing for you.
For the woman who has only the best of everything!
This fantastic special piece will quite the conversation starter! Want to stand out in a crowd….? Then try this hot original cap…not ONE other like it anywhere!
You will die when you see this piece in person! Everyone will want to touch it!
I probably would die if I saw it in person, but not because of its breathtaking beauty. More of a rolling-on-the-floor-in-hilarious-agony sort of death. However this creation takes your breath away, it can be yours for just $320.00.
I am new to the world of Esty and their ilk, but living in the middle of nowhere I see my fair share of lonely cat lady crafts.
And as the mother of teenagers, and the Depression of Emos that constantly lounge around my house sucking out all the hope and joy, I am all too familiar with Urban Dictionary.
So when I saw this little creation I didn’t know whether to laugh or recoil in horror cause, as the title suggests, Richard Simmons loves him some tea bagging.
I’ve spent years of my life searching for the perfect hot pink pachyderm with yellow polka dots and bright green tusks. Who hasn’t? I never dreamed of finding a specimen as wondrous as this one. Imagine my excitement when I found this little beauty has the added bonus of angry hand-painted eyebrows that say:
“I went to an Ivy League College, not a 3-ring circus.”
I bet it looks even classier under a black light. Then again, what doesn’t?
