Craftastrophe » You Probably Won’t Win But You Can Try!

Be Afraid. Very, Very Afraid. Of Everything.

suebob — Wed, 23 Nov 2011 12:00:44 +0000

Come on, kids, let’s go to the movies and have fun! But first mommy has the pack the seat covers, hand sanitizer, Tyvek moon suits, surgical bootie shoe covers, and face masks. Did I say face masks? It’s flu season – let’s get out the respirators!

Chair cover for movie and theater seats. Are you ever worried about head lice or bed bugs and concerned about movie seats. Bed bugs love cool dark places ie. movie seats. Kids heads rest for hours on movie seats. Who was there before you? These chair bags have pocket at top to slip over the top of chair and covers the whole movie seat and comes with carrying bag. Place bag on floor for a place to put your purse. When movie is over place cover in it’s own bag. When you get home throw in dryer on high for 30 mins. to kill bed bugs and head lice that may be following you home. Great for germaphobes. So nice to have peace of mind.

Maybe canceling the Netflix subscription WAS a bad idea.
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Not the same, but still fun:

A bird is a bird is worth two in the bush or something like that.

suebob — Mon, 21 Nov 2011 14:00:11 +0000

Yeah, I seem to be on a bit of a Christmas binge.

Shit I started decorating the other day thinking it was December.

Damn stores getting me all confused with their decorations up in September, pretty soon they will erect a permanent Christmas tree in our local mall with Easter Bunny, a witch, a flag for Australia Day and an effigy of me and be all fuck it, all the holidays are covered lets go home.

So this year I was thinking it would be SUPER CUTE if MPS bought me a present for each of the 12 days of Christmas.

Like an ipad and a new car and necklace from Tiffany’s.

And I could like get him a card from Etsy.

Seven swans a swimming

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Six geese a-laying

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Two Turtle Doves

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And a partridge in a pear tree.

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As my dear old grandfather said, “They all looks the same, lovey,” {he had a metric butt tonne of grandkids and often called me Graeme. Ironically we never knew anyone called Graeme}… and it is the thought that counts.

Kelley – who is deeply disturbed by these cards because OMG THEY ARE NOT EVEN IN THE SAME FAMILY! Let alone genus or species… *rocks wildly in the corner wailing about the future of our children if Etsy sellers don’t know their Columbidae from their gawd damn Anatidae*

Some more like this one:

It’s a candle. And a hand cream. And bacon.

suebob — Tue, 01 Nov 2011 07:00:25 +0000

Well, this is one way to sadly disappoint everyone who wanders downstairs looking for breakfast:

A little fact about soy candles is that the wax burns cool and is used as a very moisturizing lotion. Just dab a little melted wax on your finger and massage it into dry areas on your hands or feet and no more dry skin! An added bonus is that your mate might just love the smell of bacon and ask why you smell so delicious!

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Some more like this one:

Crazy Cat Lady

suebob — Thu, 01 Jul 2010 17:00:06 +0000

As an older, single, childless woman, I don’t feel like I can have a cat. Because one cat leads to two cats and two cats lead to three and the next thing you know, you’re shuffling around in a robe with a crocheted sunflower yellow tam on, filling trash can lids full of kibble and calling “Here, puss, puss, puss.”

If that were to happen, I would probably want these:

Then I could delight my rare visitors by showing them how cute a set of nesting dolls could be. “Look, he’s licking his butt, just like Rumplestiltskin licks his!”

The maker even acknowledges this:

Do you know a crazy cat lady? Buy her this solid wood set of nesting dolls, and make her day. I’ve painted each by hand, and hand stamped the words “lick everywhere, cough up, ignore, shred, poop” on the back of each doll. I then sealed the dolls with a top coat for protection.

So come on over. Just don’t wear black pants. There’s fur everywhere.

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Suebob has plenty of crazy to go around, even without cats.

Not the same, but still fun:

Mothers have a special day

suebob — Thu, 29 Apr 2010 19:00:48 +0000

I was looking around for something to give my dear sweet momma on Mothers Day.

Mom has a pretty good sense of humor, but I’m not sure it would stretch this far:

I’m pretty sure she would think it is a trenchant comment on how her diet is going. And I don’t want to make my momma cry on her special day.

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Suebob’s diet isn’t going any better than her mom’s.

Not the same, but still fun:

IT’S A NEW WEBSITE DESIGN! IT’S A GIVEAWAY! And? Bratz ain’t the only naughty dolls, yanno?

sam {temptingmama} — Sat, 10 Oct 2009 20:00:02 +0000

As you can see we’ve made a few changes around here (if you’re reading in your feedreader, come on over and see!) It’s been nearly a year since we started Craftastrophe and we’re glad you’ve been along for the ride. We’ve listened to you in terms of making the site lighter and easier to read, and also heard you regarding having to click each entry to read (what a PAIN, I know). So unless a post has more than one picture from here on out, you shouldn’t have to click anything to see the whole thing.

(this is where Karen steps in and says, “dude. you’re SITTING. Do not complain to me about clicking a freaking button.”)

(this is where Sam says, “Karen, quit being a douche.”)

Hope you enjoy the new look. Unless you’re using Internet Explorer. We curse you with the fire of a thousand glue guns. And we’ll fix that later. Happy Thanksgiving if you’re Canadian like us, and if you’re anyone else – that blows that you gotta work on Monday, sucker. We’re gonna go eat some turkey. But not like this hilarious freakshow.

Lots of Love,

Sam & Karen

p.s. We’re still working out a few kinks, and in the meantime, feel free to get kinky with Barbie and MAYBE WIN SOMETHING!

:::

Barbie is damn sick of all this talk about these slutty little girls who have been trying to steal her limelight. Many have speculated that Barbie may just be too tame for the young girls these days. Doctor Barbie? Daycare Barbie? Three Musketeers Barbie? They’re all a show people.

Barbie is a dirty, dirty whore.

From the listing:

This is a single blank greeting card with one of my ‘Fetishdollies’ images on it. It comes complete with white envelope.

You know, so you can mail a note to Nana, inviting her over for tea….

And!

Speaking of bondage and all things naughty sex we’re hosting another Eden Fantastys giveaway here at Craftastrophe for those who wanna get their freak on.

Eden Fantasys is your home for all things dirty fun like lingerie, vibrators, and everything bondage. You too can get your freaky Barbie on!

HOW TO ENTER: Go HERE.

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Not the same, but still fun:

We Have a Winner!

Karen Sugarpants — Thu, 06 Aug 2009 21:35:10 +0000

Drumroll please: Congratulations to Jesica! Jesica has won the Brother P-Touch PT-1290 and I couldn’t be happier for her. Upon hopping over to her blog, I saw that she became Super Mom the other day when she made makeshift corn dogs for like 4cents. Colour me totally impressed! Jesica, I’ll be emailing you to get your address to send to our lovely Brother representative.

Not the same, but still fun:

TIMES UP! TIMES UP! TIMES UP! CONTEST: Win a Brother P-Touch Label Maker!

Karen Sugarpants — Tue, 04 Aug 2009 16:30:01 +0000

It’s a sickness for someone like me. My baking cupboard is chock full of labeled Tupperware containers, my laundry shelves and pantry are similarly stocked like an OCD’s (or retail merchandiser’s) dream. But I did it all without the help of a Brother P-Touch PT-1290.

You? You don’t have to, dear pet.

Check this bad boy out:

Part of the “Simply Stylish” line of P-touch products, the PT-1290 is perfect for all your home office labeling applications. With its sleek design, the PT-1290 will blend nicely with virtually any home office décor.

Features an easy-view 15-character LCD display, typewriter style keyboard and Auto Tape Detection feature that automatically recognizes the size of the installed tape cassette and adjusts the text to fit the label width. A dedicated “Deco Mode” key gives you easy access to 15, unique pre-designed label formats for creating decorative labels – including professional layouts that accommodate 2 rows of text. Easily switch between 2 fonts – with the touch of a button. Use the built-in memory to store up to 9 of your most frequently used labels. More Info…

There are two simple ways to enter this lovely contest:

Re-tweet the following statement on Twitter: RT @craftastrophe ENTER TO WIN A BROTHER P-TOUCH LABEL MAKER here: http://tinyurl.com/nrgvln
Subscribe to our feed.

Once you complete one or both of these tasks, comment below and let us know.

TIMES UP! TIMES UP! TIMES UP!

We will draw a winner using random.org. Contest ends Wednesday August 5th, 2009 at MIDNIGHT E.S.T.

Now get outta here!

Not the same, but still fun:

GIVEAWAY: Fail Whale: Part Deux! TIMES UP!

Karen Sugarpants — Mon, 18 May 2009 16:19:44 +0000

Twitter users rejoice! The lovely Lori of Moda di Magno Blog for Stylish Living is back and she has been busy!

First, she made a slew of Frail (Fail) Whale necklaces for y’all.

Then she made Sam and I each one (Score!) and one with @craftastrophe on it to give to one lucky Craftastrophe reader.

(YOU CAN FOLLOW US ON TWITTER HERE!)

If that wasn’t enough, she’s offering free personalization to the first 20 Craftastrophe readers who order a Frail Whale necklace via the button at the top of her blog sidebar.

Lori is clearly a Rockstar.

Lori’s Blog (where the sale is – the button in the sidebar)

Lori’s Shop

Lori on Twitter

To win a Fail Whale Necklace, tell us in the comments what your Twitter ID is (so we can follow you) and what you love most about Twitter. This is a quickie contest and will end tonight (Monday May 18th, 2009) at midnight EST.

Best of Luck!

Some more like this one:

Winner Announcement: The Cone GIVEAWAY!

sam {temptingmama} — Wed, 15 Apr 2009 23:14:36 +0000

Thanks to those of you who participated in our giveaway sponsored by edenfantasys.com! It was great reading all your responses! Hopefully you are able to find something from edenfantasys.com that suits your *ahem* needs.

The winner of The Cone:

Beverly says:

April 8, 2009 at 8:38 am (Edit)

Most interesting item? I vote for the “Five Gates of Hell”. It really made me stare wide-eyed. Like so: O_O

I don’t have a penis, and that little gem makes me grateful.

Congratulations Beverly! I’ll be in touch to get your contact information to have your item sent out!