Craftastrophe » You Probably Won’t Win But You Can Try!

Were you in an industrial accident, or are you getting married?

suebob — Mon, 07 May 2012 17:37:11 +0000

These were featured on Etsy’s home page:

Bridal mittens? They look like these wrist guards I used to wear when my carpal tunnel syndrome was acting up. Of course, mine were “flesh” (if you’re a kind of dark tan white person) colored and involved more velcro, but still remarkably similar.
{Source} $65. But they are made in France, so totally worth it.

Not the same, but still fun:

I Have Found What the Internet Needs

suebob — Sun, 01 Apr 2012 14:58:34 +0000

Stop Gossip Powder. Why did no one ever tell me about this before? POOF!

{Source} Only $3.00 How can you resist?

Not the same, but still fun:

That’s a Dilly!

suebob — Sat, 24 Mar 2012 14:19:49 +0000

In case you don’t actually want to work at Subway, but you want to smell like you do:

Dill pickle soap. The mustard-scented soap is in Aisle 3.
{Source} $5.50, or you can just rub a pickle over your body instead.

Not the same, but still fun:

Why did Carmen Miranda Never Think of This?

suebob — Wed, 29 Feb 2012 15:02:21 +0000

Back when I was a kid and people of ethnicities other than beige were exotic and hilarious, one way you knew that the lady on the teevee was Latina was that she had a fruit basket on her head. Add an off-the-shoulder dress and an accent and *poof* insta-Latina. Carmen Miranda was the classic, but I was also a big fan of Yma Sumac, the “Amazon Princess.”

Thank goodness those days are gone, mostly. But if you get a craving to put something south-of-the-border on your head, I suggest this little taco headband:

{Source} $15, or the price of 7 fabulous tacos de rajas at my favorite restaurant, Cuernavaca.

Not the same, but still fun:

Minnesota Nice

suebob — Fri, 10 Feb 2012 15:01:18 +0000

Hey, Minnesota – being vaguely threatening is Texas’s job. You’re too nice for that. Besides, you shouldn’t be a copycat.

{Source} $24 but you can probably find them 3 for $15 at the swap meet

Not the same, but still fun:

Be Afraid. Very, Very Afraid. Of Everything.

suebob — Wed, 23 Nov 2011 12:00:44 +0000

Come on, kids, let’s go to the movies and have fun! But first mommy has the pack the seat covers, hand sanitizer, Tyvek moon suits, surgical bootie shoe covers, and face masks. Did I say face masks? It’s flu season – let’s get out the respirators!

Chair cover for movie and theater seats. Are you ever worried about head lice or bed bugs and concerned about movie seats. Bed bugs love cool dark places ie. movie seats. Kids heads rest for hours on movie seats. Who was there before you? These chair bags have pocket at top to slip over the top of chair and covers the whole movie seat and comes with carrying bag. Place bag on floor for a place to put your purse. When movie is over place cover in it’s own bag. When you get home throw in dryer on high for 30 mins. to kill bed bugs and head lice that may be following you home. Great for germaphobes. So nice to have peace of mind.

Maybe canceling the Netflix subscription WAS a bad idea.
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Not the same, but still fun:

A bird is a bird is worth two in the bush or something like that.

suebob — Mon, 21 Nov 2011 14:00:11 +0000

Yeah, I seem to be on a bit of a Christmas binge.

Shit I started decorating the other day thinking it was December.

Damn stores getting me all confused with their decorations up in September, pretty soon they will erect a permanent Christmas tree in our local mall with Easter Bunny, a witch, a flag for Australia Day and an effigy of me and be all fuck it, all the holidays are covered lets go home.

So this year I was thinking it would be SUPER CUTE if MPS bought me a present for each of the 12 days of Christmas.

Like an ipad and a new car and necklace from Tiffany’s.

And I could like get him a card from Etsy.

Seven swans a swimming

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Six geese a-laying

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Two Turtle Doves

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And a partridge in a pear tree.

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As my dear old grandfather said, “They all looks the same, lovey,” {he had a metric butt tonne of grandkids and often called me Graeme. Ironically we never knew anyone called Graeme}… and it is the thought that counts.

Kelley – who is deeply disturbed by these cards because OMG THEY ARE NOT EVEN IN THE SAME FAMILY! Let alone genus or species… *rocks wildly in the corner wailing about the future of our children if Etsy sellers don’t know their Columbidae from their gawd damn Anatidae*

Some more like this one:

It’s a candle. And a hand cream. And bacon.

suebob — Tue, 01 Nov 2011 07:00:25 +0000

Well, this is one way to sadly disappoint everyone who wanders downstairs looking for breakfast:

A little fact about soy candles is that the wax burns cool and is used as a very moisturizing lotion. Just dab a little melted wax on your finger and massage it into dry areas on your hands or feet and no more dry skin! An added bonus is that your mate might just love the smell of bacon and ask why you smell so delicious!

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Some more like this one:

Crazy Cat Lady

suebob — Thu, 01 Jul 2010 17:00:06 +0000

As an older, single, childless woman, I don’t feel like I can have a cat. Because one cat leads to two cats and two cats lead to three and the next thing you know, you’re shuffling around in a robe with a crocheted sunflower yellow tam on, filling trash can lids full of kibble and calling “Here, puss, puss, puss.”

If that were to happen, I would probably want these:

Then I could delight my rare visitors by showing them how cute a set of nesting dolls could be. “Look, he’s licking his butt, just like Rumplestiltskin licks his!”

The maker even acknowledges this:

Do you know a crazy cat lady? Buy her this solid wood set of nesting dolls, and make her day. I’ve painted each by hand, and hand stamped the words “lick everywhere, cough up, ignore, shred, poop” on the back of each doll. I then sealed the dolls with a top coat for protection.

So come on over. Just don’t wear black pants. There’s fur everywhere.

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Suebob has plenty of crazy to go around, even without cats.

Not the same, but still fun:

Mothers have a special day

suebob — Thu, 29 Apr 2010 19:00:48 +0000

I was looking around for something to give my dear sweet momma on Mothers Day.

Mom has a pretty good sense of humor, but I’m not sure it would stretch this far:

I’m pretty sure she would think it is a trenchant comment on how her diet is going. And I don’t want to make my momma cry on her special day.

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Suebob’s diet isn’t going any better than her mom’s.