This beautifully handmade wooden treasure box would be a delightful accessory to just about any room in your house.

Adoring screwed on rubber skeleton hands and a crafty hearse decal, offset by a beautiful sateen ribbon, it is just about the most perfect thing to store your heroin and crack pipes sewing accessories; your husband’s television remotes life line; maybe even store your reusable menses paraphernalia.

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What is the purpose of a trinket box? What is considered a trinket? Necklaces? Rings? Just small stuff?

Anyway, I digress.

Because whatever it is, it still ain’t going in something like this.

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Cheshire cat, you know him right? That creepy psychedelic cat scares the bejeezeus of of little children every year when they watch Alicein Wonderland for the first time. He creeps in the trees taunting poor Alice, skulking around in the bushes like a dirty pervert. A dirty pervert with a 70’s porn star mustache.

(Tell me I wasn’t the only person skeeved out by that cat?)

Because whoever took the time to make these bad boys obviously had some like-on for that cat.

That thing is staring right into my soul.

(They’re just ping pong balls, but still. So. effin. creepy.)

The! Eyes! Eerie and awkwardly spaced.

I am paralyzed by those beady little eyes.

Just looking at it makes me itchy and paranoid. Flashbacks! OH! the Flashbacks!

I was traveling overseas and was stopped by a gentleman in the airport who, with broken english, wanted to tell me how wonderful it was to see Canadians in the country. I was a little confused, because it’s not like I was wearing a sign, but then I remembered the sew on patch on my backpack.

I wonder if he still would have approached me had it been this:

Figured it out yet?

A sew-on patch!
The hair is fuzzy crushed velvet, the outer labia are soft and puffy, the inner labia up and out, to get a good handle on the clitoris you need to pull back the hood, and the inside of the vagina is done in soft silk.

But. Um. Are those TEETH? Teeth inside the vag-jay-jay?

While I can appreciate this might be a great gift for your doula, midwife, nurse, doctor, or WHOEVER you have to birth your babies, I can’t get past this line:

They can be placed inside mamas belly and birthed out over and over again!

I’m so glad that can’t happen in real life. Well that and the electric red hair up there!

I’m trying really hard not to focus on that gaping hole, either.  Or the fact that knitty-mama on the left just birthed a gecko.