Imagine your Granny opening one of these. My Granny would probably laugh her head off, but that’s because she is The Awesome.
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Since having my first kid and having my lady bits ripped to shreads I developed an aversion to thongs. I don’t know what it is, but I can’t stand the feeling of fabric all up in my hidey hole.

Cute full bottom underpants are hit or miss, but these?

These? Are AWESOME.

Nothing screams prepubescent little girl like rainbow hearts!

But wait! They get better!

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This beautifully handmade wooden treasure box would be a delightful accessory to just about any room in your house.

Adoring screwed on rubber skeleton hands and a crafty hearse decal, offset by a beautiful sateen ribbon, it is just about the most perfect thing to store your heroin and crack pipes sewing accessories; your husband’s television remotes life line; maybe even store your reusable menses paraphernalia.

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What is the purpose of a trinket box? What is considered a trinket? Necklaces? Rings? Just small stuff?

Anyway, I digress.

Because whatever it is, it still ain’t going in something like this.

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Cheshire cat, you know him right? That creepy psychedelic cat scares the bejeezeus of of little children every year when they watch Alicein Wonderland for the first time. He creeps in the trees taunting poor Alice, skulking around in the bushes like a dirty pervert. A dirty pervert with a 70’s porn star mustache.

(Tell me I wasn’t the only person skeeved out by that cat?)

Because whoever took the time to make these bad boys obviously had some like-on for that cat.

That thing is staring right into my soul.

(They’re just ping pong balls, but still. So. effin. creepy.)

The! Eyes! Eerie and awkwardly spaced.

I am paralyzed by those beady little eyes.

Just looking at it makes me itchy and paranoid. Flashbacks! OH! the Flashbacks!