I am fasinated with strippers. I don’t know why or what it is, but while in my early college years, and a little after, I as not shy to go to the strip club with girlfriends and watch girls dance.

Strange right?

We used to meet up and go to the local strip club and drink, shoot pool and critque the dancers (because we knew what was going on) until some of the girls complained that they were uncomfortable dancing while there were girls in the house.

Girls dancing on a stage and being ogled by men sitting inches from them have sexual fantasies didn’t creep them out, but the girls in the back playing pool? CREEPY!

I digress.

Because if I were a stripper I would definitely be adding these pasties to my outfit.

Oh Canada!! Now stand at attention gentleman.

Is that a maple leaf or a cross? A sequin cross on a boobie tassel? Oh, the sacrilege.

Hand knitted shell-like shapes with fluff pipe cleaners feathers mock feathers? I can feel my nipples getting itchy and sweaty already.

For your special wedding day on stage, your very own crystallized ta-ta tassels. HOT. Imagine expecting the bride to come down the aisle in a wedding dress, you turn as the music starts, standing and waiting patiently then you see this:

I can tell you this: if I saw some battle axe coming down the aisle with a body like that I’d be running up to her and asking for her secret.

These ones? For the arachnoid lover.

WTF!? Is that a tongue.

What better to lick you with my dear.

But these ones take the cake people. Nothing like a your boos giving you the low down on what’s happening below.

Pasty vaginae for your boobies.

OMG. That even grossed ME out.

Thank Casey from Moosh in Indy for sharing these. You can blame her for my entirely inappropriate post.

{ sources: Canada pasties, knitted pasties, wedding pasties, spider pasties, vagina pasties }

Some more like this one:

• Merry Christmas, Mom! (NSFW)
• A Beard For Your Oyster (But Your Legs Will Still Get Cold)
• Jam Out With Your Clam Out
• Forget Snuggies, This Thing RAWKS!
• Biology FAIL.

Don’t be confused by the screws and metal in the background. This is a HAIR BARRETTE.

The barrette is made out of recycled cardboard and I added a 2.25″ silver french clip/barrette underneath it, so there is a natural curve. It is very sturdy yet lightweight so it won’t hurt your head while wearing it. I lacquered several layers on top to seal the work, but it is not waterproof so please be careful.

Hands off people. IT’S MINE*.

You? You can have this one:

I saw this quote in a magazine and I knew I just had to use it on one of my barrettes! The man’s face in the picture is not messed up! It is the glare from the camera!

!!!!!!!!1!!11!

I came across a 3-ring picture that consists of a vintage photo of a young female back in the late 50′s or early 60′s, then a young married couple on their wedding day, and then a present day elderly couple holding each other. It just combines the quote and the pictures together.
I decoupaged all these designs onto a barrette where I added a blue water drops paper to it.

You’re welcome.

*Wait. Um. I don’t have The Herp. I guess it’s only funny if you’re not infected with The Herp. Because I can’t imagine someone with The Herp ever wearing this. If they did wear it and someone knew they had The Herp and were advertising that they were break out free? Um. AWWWKWARD.

{ item 1 source }

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Some more like this one:

• Something To Nibble On…
• Gritty Knitty
• Got Your Wassp! Right Here
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• Our Father, Who Art In Heaven, What Up, Yo.

Being a new mom is never easy. The fatigue, the sleepless nights, constant feedings. It’s enough to make even the most sane person go nuts. Trust me. I’m living it this very moment.

I guess I can be thankful that I don’t look like this:

Mommy’s was antiqued and then part of it was scrapped off to give her face some age…

Antiqued and then SCRAPPED off!? There’s aging gracefully then there’s SCRAPPED OFF.

These make great desk or shelf sitters. This one would be great to give to a new Mommy or use as a center piece at a shower…If you want to set one of these on the very edge of a shelf with the legs hanging off, you will need to put a bit of weight in the coin wrapper, I just drop a few tiny rocks inside the wrapper, that is enough to give it stability.

HAHAHAHA put rocks inside the coin wrapper. Rocks? My first thought: Um. How about DIMES. Then I laughed until I cried. Then I had to pee.

Blame it on the fatigue.

Oh well, off to scrape another layer off my face.

{ source }

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• Heffalumps and Lady Lumps
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I’m all for protecting what’s left of the environment since we’ve kinda beat the crap outta Mother Nature for years. Jump on that bandwagon, use those reusable bags for groceries, craft your own if you can.

The operative word – CAN.

There really is nothing else to say about this accept if I see you carrying it I will beat you with my purse.

Kthxbai.

Some more like this one:

• Is That a Roll of Quarters in Your Pocket, or My Baby?
• Do These Pants Make My Butt Look Big?
• Padding For Your Pixies
• I Like Big Butts And I Cannot Lie…*
• Heffalumps and Lady Lumps

Because sometimes when you’re bored a vibrating Styrofoam cup robot is just what you need for entertainment.

(Why does Styrofoam require a capital ‘s’? That’s a little pretentious don’t you think? Styrofoam. Why not Effin’ Awesome Styrofoam? That would maybe get your point across that you think you’re so awesome. I’m talking to you Styrofoam. Rude.)

I digress.

Without that capital ‘s’ maybe theSe wouldn’t be So aweSome.

This Styrobot vibrates around in circles with the press of one of its antennae. With an irresistible smile {it’s} bound to cheer you up! …
All of the money raised with the sale of Styrobots will go towards my Robotic Fund. This will help me purchase stuff like servos and sensors to make more robots!

Um. YES. PLEASE! More Styrofoam cups with servos and sensors! Must. Have. More. Sh*t. Styrofoam!

I can think of so many more creative things for Styrofoam cups: like Beer Pong (because Styrofoam would definitely up the anti a little); smashing them into your forehead pretending they’re pop cans because, dude? That’s cool!; um… pretty much anything but painted with a fruit motif and stuffed with senos and stuff.

Some more like this one:

• She’s a Maniac! Maniac!
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• Someone Got a Laminator For Their Birthday!

Remember when Pete Doherty gave Kate Moss a dead rat brooch and the world was all shock and awe, wondering what the sam-hell was goin’ through his big ol’ numb skull?

Behold, the redneck version of The Crazy Love:

This is a pair of genuine taxidermy squirrel feet earrings. They hang from ornate Victorian inspired posts and measure 1 1/2″ long without post. They have been professionally preserved.

Oh good, because I was really worried about those nails being perfect.  Poor Jes, she won’t like this post.

Gee honey, you’ll never guess what I gotcha for Christmas!

*shudder*

Not the same, but still fun:

• TIMES UP! TIMES UP! TIMES UP! CONTEST: Win a Brother P-Touch Label Maker!
• TIMES UP! Giveaway! Hangman Necklace
• GIVEAWAY: Fail Whale: Part Deux! TIMES UP!
• TIMES UP! GIVEAWAY!
• GIVEAWAY!: Cozies, Done Craftastrophe Style (NSFW)