I am fasinated with strippers. I don’t know why or what it is, but while in my early college years, and a little after, I as not shy to go to the strip club with girlfriends and watch girls dance.

Strange right?

We used to meet up and go to the local strip club and drink, shoot pool and critque the dancers (because we knew what was going on) until some of the girls complained that they were uncomfortable dancing while there were girls in the house.

Girls dancing on a stage and being ogled by men sitting inches from them have sexual fantasies didn’t creep them out, but the girls in the back playing pool? CREEPY!

I digress.

Because if I were a stripper I would definitely be adding these pasties to my outfit.

Oh Canada!! Now stand at attention gentleman.

Is that a maple leaf or a cross? A sequin cross on a boobie tassel? Oh, the sacrilege.

Hand knitted shell-like shapes with fluff pipe cleaners feathers mock feathers? I can feel my nipples getting itchy and sweaty already.

For your special wedding day on stage, your very own crystallized ta-ta tassels. HOT. Imagine expecting the bride to come down the aisle in a wedding dress, you turn as the music starts, standing and waiting patiently then you see this:

I can tell you this: if I saw some battle axe coming down the aisle with a body like that I’d be running up to her and asking for her secret.

These ones? For the arachnoid lover.

WTF!? Is that a tongue.

What better to lick you with my dear.

But these ones take the cake people. Nothing like a your boos giving you the low down on what’s happening below.

Pasty vaginae for your boobies.

OMG. That even grossed ME out.

Thank Casey from Moosh in Indy for sharing these. You can blame her for my entirely inappropriate post.

{ sources: Canada pasties, knitted pasties, wedding pasties, spider pasties, vagina pasties }

Don’t be confused by the screws and metal in the background. This is a HAIR BARRETTE.

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Being a new mom is never easy. The fatigue, the sleepless nights, constant feedings. It’s enough to make even the most sane person go nuts. Trust me. I’m living it this very moment.

I guess I can be thankful that I don’t look like this:

Mommy’s was antiqued and then part of it was scrapped off to give her face some age…

Antiqued and then SCRAPPED off!? There’s aging gracefully then there’s SCRAPPED OFF.

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I’m all for protecting what’s left of the environment since we’ve kinda beat the crap outta Mother Nature for years. Jump on that bandwagon, use those reusable bags for groceries, craft your own if you can.

The operative word – CAN.

There really is nothing else to say about this accept if I see you carrying it I will beat you with my purse.

Kthxbai.

Because sometimes when you’re bored a vibrating Styrofoam cup robot is just what you need for entertainment.

(Why does Styrofoam require a capital ’s’? That’s a little pretentious don’t you think? Styrofoam. Why not Effin’ Awesome Styrofoam? That would maybe get your point across that you think you’re so awesome. I’m talking to you Styrofoam. Rude.)

I digress.

Without that capital ’s’ maybe theSe wouldn’t be So aweSome.

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