Craftastrophe » Um. WTF?

Bigfoot on the toilet – fine art, indeed

suebob — Thu, 18 Mar 2010 17:00:29 +0000

If art broadens your horizons, I’m not sure I want horizons this big:

The title is

“Bigfoot breaks into some Dude’s Cabin and Totally takes a fat Dump in his toilet”

Wow. Kinda has a “Mona Lisa” ring to it, doesn’t it?

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Suebob believes that poop and art should stay far, far away from one another.

Not the same, but still fun:

Something To Nibble On…

Gillian — Thu, 18 Mar 2010 16:46:36 +0000

I happened to be searching for local Alaskan Craftastrophes when I spotted this little gem, made right in my home town of Wasilla, Alaska.

Yep, that’s a rare spotting of an Alaskan snuggle pillow. I haven’t seen one in the wild in years… especially not in the coveted maroon color WITH latex nipples in a DD size! I think the crochet is a nice touch- I like all my perv-y pillows to have a homemade look to them. That way it’s easier for them to blend in with the other pillows on the couch! Enjoy trying to get this image out of your head for the rest of the day…

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Gillian Wright keeps it real about kids, crafts, organizing, and (lack of) housework at Mrs. Wright, Gone Wrong.

Some more like this one:

Washed in the blood of this cake

suebob — Thu, 11 Mar 2010 18:00:21 +0000

Just in time for Easter, a cake that takes the symbols of the season to a disturbing new level.

A lamb cake. A cake that is meant to be decapitated. And then it bleeds jam.

Happy Easter, kids!

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Suebob does not think desserts should scare the children.

Not the same, but still fun:

Hey you guys! Like my John Wayne Gacy clown painting?

flutter — Wed, 10 Mar 2010 14:00:38 +0000

Hey you guys! I was pulling the plastic flamingos out of my front yard to make this headdress…is that two words? Head dress? I don’t know, you guys this ain’t a dress for your head but it sure is pretty! So, anyway, you guys I was pulling the pink plastic flamingos out of my front yard to make this “piece of art” when I realized…This art oughta be photographed in front of MY favorite piece of art. I present to you guys my totally rad headdress, photographed in front of the painting that John Wayne Gacy sent to me as a thank you for the many erotic letters I sent to him about my clown fetish. Etsy made me take down the erotic poem I originally had with this listing, so I had to change it to this:

This piece is a one of a kind. Where do I start. It is a headband with a huge bow on top made of pink, orange, and green florescent tulle, with a doll’s head in the middle. The doll has a sequened crown and there are two flamingos on each side of the bow. The headband is covered in blue tinsel material. It is not heavy though and will not weigh your head down. Anywhere you wear this to, you will be noticed. It is truly a piece of art and this is the only one I have ever made like it.

What I didn’t say is that this piece is meant to be worn with the lingerie that I made with the melted barbie heads on the nips.

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Thanks, Cari!

flutter writes on her personal blog byflutter, sometimes.

Not the same, but still fun:

Absolutely Genius

Renee — Tue, 09 Mar 2010 18:00:56 +0000

I was so excited when I came across the thing I planned to blog for my first Craftastrophe post. It was horrific. It was gross. It was the kind of inexplicable mistake that is the definition of this site.

So imagine my surprise when I finally sat down to compose, and out of left field came this thing’s ugly step-sister. This thing’s ugly, naked, wart-faced, hunch-backed troll of a step-sister, barreling down on me at top speed with seven bloody, sparkly tampons clutched in her fat, waxy talons.

I give you the “Absolutely Genius Tampon Windchimes Essence of Life Windchimes.”

In addition to having a title that just won’t quit, these wind chimes promise to “remind you why being a woman is so wonderful” (because the best part of any woman’s month is when red glitter pours out of her lady bits).

The chimes feature sturdy bamboo craftsmanship, “100% real tampons,” and “[a] vintage jewelry peice…showcasing the essence of woman.”

Apparently, the “essence of woman” is that cheap necklace you wore in third grade until its fake chain started turning your neck green.

Sure, you could pay $15 for plain ol’ bamboo chimes that clink and, you know, chime in the wind–OR you could pay $25 (plus shipping) for these!

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Renee finds more appropriate uses for glitter at The Brisk Blog.

Some more like this one:

At Least They Aren’t Butt Plugs

Karen Sugarpants — Fri, 15 Jan 2010 01:35:29 +0000

Ya so there’s a whole culture of people who farm themselves for Human Ivory. Want to take a wild guess as to what Human Ivory is? Here are some hints:

Human Ivory Earrings

Human Ivory Necklace

Human Ivory Plugs

Human Ivory Plugs Up Close

Have you guessed yet? These plugs and the jewelry before that were all made from Human Ivory, which is defined as:

Human Ivory became my medium upon my visiting Gunther van Hangens’ Body Worlds exhibit. This was when I realized that fingernails and toenails are part of our skeletal structure and are directly connected to the distal phalanges (fingertip bones) in our hands. Amazingly, they pierce through our skin and reside on the outside of our bodies.” -Rachel Case, 2008

Maybe my standards have lowered since we started this site, but they sure aren’t as gag-worthy as these bad-boys.

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Some more like this one:

Got $5?

Karen Sugarpants — Wed, 09 Dec 2009 17:00:04 +0000

From the listing:

I made these sweet little concrete feet. They are great as book ends, and paper weights, as decor on a table, and also to put under flower pots so the roots don’t rot!!

I don’t want my pots to rot.

Sam is always telling me I drive like a Granny, maybe instead of a lead foot (like hers), I could buy one of these.

You know, to kick her in the mouth. Then she’ll stop calling me Grannypanties.

Thanks Cain!

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Not the same, but still fun:

Ever have those annoying seat partners that never shut up? Like, NEVER?!

sam {temptingmama} — Sat, 07 Nov 2009 00:00:00 +0000

I’d use it to keep my head propped upright; or stick it on the talker next to me and blow it up to the point where they could no longer breathe talk.

Either way: $170.00 Blow up neck warmer / brace FTW!

Thanks Cari for showing us this store!

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Some more like this one:

Peen Cushion

sam {temptingmama} — Tue, 13 Oct 2009 17:45:32 +0000

** Have you entered our fabulous giveaway for a 75 dollar gift certificate to Eden Fantasys? Time’s running out!**

:::

Nothing like laying down on the couch to watch a good movie and end up getting dick in the ear.

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Not the same, but still fun:

Hmmm…What To Do With the Placenta…Hey! Let’s Make It Into A Teddy Bear!

Karen Sugarpants — Tue, 06 Oct 2009 04:31:20 +0000

I had to post this NOW. Thanks Mom-O-Matic!

From Inhabitots:

“Doing it for the Kids is a current exhibition put on by [re] design to showcase the latest, most innovative sustainable toy designs from around the globe. Among them, the Placenta Teddy Bear by designer Alex Green. A crafty alternative for those who don’t necessarily want to eat their baby’s placenta, but want to pay their respects to the life sustaining organ by turning it into a one-of-a-kind teddy bear. Green’s ‘Twin Teddy Kit’ ‘celebrates the unity of the infant, the mother and the placenta,’ and enables preparation of the placenta so it may be transformed into a teddy bear. The placenta must be cut in half and rubbed with sea salt to cure it. After it is dried out, it is treated with an emulsifying mixture of tannin and egg yolk to make it soft and pliable. Then, you craft it into a teddy bear.”

Hush little baby…don’t say a word…

{via Inhabitots}

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