Craftastrophe » Um. WTF?

Hating you Cutely

suebob — Tue, 03 Apr 2012 13:13:59 +0000

Someone will have to explain this to me. Plastic “brass knuckles” decorated with Hello, Kitty. Why, my people, why? So you can very gently punch someone while sharing happy cuteness? Because you want to live the Thug Life while you live the Kawaii life, too? Help.

{Source} $21.99 and a two-drink minimum

Not the same, but still fun:

Forgive me for what I am about to do

suebob — Thu, 22 Mar 2012 03:24:49 +0000

I’m sorry. I’ll find something cute and furry tomorrow, I promise. Or not.

What room do you suggest putting it in, and why? Show your work
{Source} Only $25. Makes a great gift for that one sister-in-law you can’t stand

Not the same, but still fun:

Make your own f***ing Craftastrophe

suebob — Fri, 09 Mar 2012 00:40:43 +0000

I don’t often suggest do-it-yourself projects. Sometimes Craftastrophe turns into that, like when intrepid reader Carl Strauser decided to make the Scary Monkey.

But generally, we leave it up to others to make our mistakes for us. Not this time, kiddos. This is a hands-on craft. And legs-on. And…well, you figure out what else is on. You use this, which involves canvas, paint and plastic sheeting:

To get this, or something like it, depending on how you…do it.

You can put it over your bed and say “Honey, remember the last time we had sex? No? It was when we made that painting!”

{Source} $60 and a pre-written fake explanation for your mother-in-law

H/T Kristy from She Just Walks Around With It

Not the same, but still fun:

When I Saw This, I Thought of You…

suebob — Fri, 02 Mar 2012 14:40:03 +0000

…your giant simian arms, your furry jutting breasts, and especially your razor-sharp toenails. You’re welcome!

This is Raquel. Her hobbies include disco dancing and chasing stray cats. Her turn ons include men with low self esteem and daddy issues. Raquel was acually modelled after an old neighbor of mine but if you see her don’t let her know.

{Source} $200 and a lifetime of keeping a secret about the artist’s neighbor

Not the same, but still fun:

There, there

suebob — Fri, 17 Feb 2012 18:51:16 +0000

Sometimes I just want to pat crafters on the hand and say “There, there. It’s time to take a break.” Step away from the bead boxes.

{Source} $30 worth of beading frenzy

Not the same, but still fun:

Excuse Me, Your Bookmark Needs a Brazilian

suebob — Wed, 08 Feb 2012 13:57:02 +0000

Bookmarks are one of those little things in life that make a statement about what kind of person you are. The deeply pragmatic go with an old receipt; the sentimental with a beloved note. Others have some kind of complicated thing that clips on or has a chain or something. But what does it say about you when you have a completely random collage topped by what looks like a hank of unruly pubic hair?

{Source} $5, which you could just save toward a wax job

Not the same, but still fun:

Because People Who Make Fun of Crafts Have Got to Stick Together…not sure why, but we do

suebob — Tue, 06 Dec 2011 06:24:55 +0000

Update: It’s apparently fixed now.

There’s another site that makes fun of crafts. You may have heard of it – it is called Regretsy.

Yes, I know it is a lot more famous than Craftastrophe (but we were here first, so neener neener).
Yes, I know they have a book.
Yes, I know they donate all their proceeds to charity.

WAIT. They may TRY to donate all of their profits to charity, such as buying presents for children at Christmas, but THANK GOODNESS we have PayPal to stop them!

Go read this post. It is enough to make you want to knit something from cat hair, or to make earrings out of squirrel feet. Or something.

If you want to help them out by sending a few emails to PayPal on their behalf – and on behalf of children who will be without toys at Christmas – it’s no skin off my crafts-making-fun-of-nose. Even if they are more popular.

Not the same, but still fun:

Happy Thanksgiving, All You Freaks

suebob — Wed, 23 Nov 2011 23:12:23 +0000

I am thankful for each and every reader who stops by Craftastrophe. Which is why I bring you presents, like this:

You’re welcome. Hope your holiday is happy and healthy.
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Some more like this one:

That’snot my baby

suebob — Wed, 02 Nov 2011 11:00:16 +0000

Ok, I’m not a mom, so someone I going to have to ‘splain this one to me.

I can see that you love pretty much everything your little darlings do. After all, they’re YOUR kids. I feel the same way about my dog – “Oh, look, she’s SLEEPING! So adorable!” “Look – she has FUR!” (Ok, I’ll shut up now. Quit gagging.) So I understand that baby body fluids aren’t as gross as they might be if, say, the adult next to you on the bus wet their pants.

But this. You buy a doll, an expensive, very realistic baby doll. Is it really necessary that it comes complete with glistening snot? Really? Can anyone help me out here?

Yours for only $550.00 – it’s on sale.

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Some more like this one:

Nightmare Nursery

suebob — Thu, 27 Oct 2011 19:01:38 +0000

Who doesn’t love a teddy bear? A soft, lovey friend to keep you company in the dark, lonely nights.

Oh hell. Now why did you have to go and do that?

I’ll never sleep again.

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