I know what you’re thinking.  But just wait.  It gets better.

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Step 1: own many cats.

Step 2: begin collecting reborn baby dolls, because they are more affectionate than your cats.

Step 3: wonder, “What could possibly make me creepier than a cat lady who collects reborn baby dolls?”

Step 4: buy this

Baby “Kiki” will run you a cool $425, but at that price, you get quality.

Kiki is not stuffed too firmly or too loosely so she will just melt in your arms! Kiki is the perfect size to wear real baby clothes and diapers in size preemie.

And that’s good, because you want something that you can squeeze tightly while you cry yourself to sleep at night wondering how your life went so very, very wrong.

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Renee will never, ever, ever own this.

I kind of want to buy this just for the look of horror on my boyfriend’s face when he takes off my clothes.

What, honey, you don’t want to peel off my felted “taste me” thong?

Cheshire Cat pasties not doing it for you?

Man, I thought for sure you’d go crazy when you saw the hand stitched hookah smoking caterpillar.  My bad.  I guess next time I should figure out what sexy is before I drop $160 on a knit storybook corset.

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Renee gets her underwear in a three-pack.

You have to wonder what your life is coming to when you have a reason to enter the word “turd” into an Etsy search engine.

You also have to wonder what it means when a) you get results, plural and b) one of those results is Twilight inspired turd key chains.

My favorite part of this listing, though, is definitely the creator’s description, which is almost enough to make me forgive their bad taste:

You will notice that Ed-turd is a little paler and he sparkles!

Yes.  Yes he does.

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Renee usually likes things that sparkle.

I’m beginning to think you people are making this shit to purposefully get on Craftastrophe.  This is worse than Katy Perry’s whipped cream bra.

Okay, no it isn’t.  But it’s still really fucking weird.

Do you think this is what Courtney Love had in mind when she sang, “I am…Doll Parts…”?

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Renee is at a loss for words.