Yeah, I seem to be on a bit of a Christmas binge.

Shit I started decorating the other day thinking it was December.

Damn stores getting me all confused with their decorations up in September, pretty soon they will erect a permanent Christmas tree in our local mall with Easter Bunny, a witch, a flag for Australia Day and an effigy of me and be all fuck it, all the holidays are covered lets go home.

So this year I was thinking it would be SUPER CUTE if MPS bought me a present for each of the 12 days of Christmas.

Like an ipad and a new car and necklace from Tiffany’s.

And I could like get him a card from Etsy.

Seven swans a swimming

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Six geese a-laying

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Two Turtle Doves

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And a partridge in a pear tree.

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As my dear old grandfather said, “They all looks the same, lovey,” {he had a metric butt tonne of grandkids and often called me Graeme. Ironically we never knew anyone called Graeme}… and it is the thought that counts.

Kelley – who is deeply disturbed by these cards because OMG THEY ARE NOT EVEN IN THE SAME FAMILY! Let alone genus or species… *rocks wildly in the corner wailing about the future of our children if Etsy sellers don’t know their Columbidae from their gawd damn Anatidae*

Who doesn’t love a teddy bear? A soft, lovey friend to keep you company in the dark, lonely nights.

Oh hell. Now why did you have to go and do that?

I’ll never sleep again.

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I KNOW it has to be hard to carve a stone ball. It must have taken you a long, long time to carve a stone ball.

It started as an ordinary rock. Thousands of thunks later, it takes shape as a glorious globe. One wrong thunk of the stone mason’s hammer and it becomes a dud, broken in half. Inspired by the mysterious stone spheres of Costa Rica, Las Bolas. Energy, exercise, meditation, contemplation, striation appreciation… what will you use your stone ball for?

Thank you for having the looney idea to turn a stone into a sphere and taking the time to do it. I, however, feel no compulsion to spend $425 on it. Thank you, and goodnight.

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Suebob is tired of balls and the people who have them.

Just what you’ve always wanted–the inconvenience of not one but MANY hairs in your coffee for just $50!  I’m amazed more espressos don’t come with toupes.

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Renee feels like a hair cut.

Here in the south, we have two definitions for being sans clothing. One of which is of course naked, which means that you have no clothes on. The other is nekkid, which means you have no clothes on and you are up to something.

Obviously, she is nekkid……

I’ve been naked and nekkid on many an occasion, and on neither have I found myself riding an elephant. Nor a tree limb. Some of the men I’ve been nekkid with would probably disagree with those statements. Bygones.

All I know is, she is clearly up to something, and girlfriend is looking fierce. She should be ….. for only $5,000 she can be yours. Along with the elephant.

You gotta find your own tree limb though.

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Kim prefers to be nekkid.