Craftastrophe » You Can Stop Making Crafts Now

Putting my feet up

suebob — Wed, 25 Jan 2012 13:45:33 +0000

Thanks to the people over at Hi-Fructose online art magazine I can just sit here with my feet up and sip my coffee. Because OMG lookie here.

WARNING: (Per intrepid reader Jessica) This site contains pictures that are so odd and disturbing in a really weird (not violent or graphic but WEIRD) that you may never sleep again.

OK, I won’t be sitting with my feet up. I’ll be washing my eyes out. With Pine-Sol*.

*PineSol should not ever be put in your eyes. The claim that I would be putting Pine-Sol in my is a bit of hyperbolic nonsense and a lame attempt at humor. Neither the management or staff of Craftastrophe or its advertisers would ever recommend the administration of caustic chemicals to the eyes, the skin, or other body parts. Your mom would say “You only get one set of eyes, so be careful.”

Not the same, but still fun:

Well, Hello Dolly

suebob — Wed, 11 Jan 2012 14:04:34 +0000

File under: Things I’ll Never Understand – why do dollmakers so often made dolls that are so…unfortunate-looking? If you have all the materials and tools in a crafts store at your disposal, why do this?

{Source} $120 of Oh Please Make It Stop.

Not the same, but still fun:

Do Not Want. Times One Million.

suebob — Tue, 10 Jan 2012 17:15:42 +0000

Quick, call PETA. These cats are suffering. SUFFERING!

This is supposed to be for Valentines Day. Does this cat look like he is enjoying his gift of love?

{Source} $16 worth of torture

{Source} $27 worth of Thanksgiving terror more scary than that jello salad your aunt always makes

Crimeny. Cats do not need hats with fake ears. Why? Because CATS HAVE EARS ALREADY, YOU MORON.

{Source} $15

Did you know I’m a pet psychic? Yes, and I’m SO good I can tell what animals are thinking just by looking at their photographs. This cat in a long-eared bunny hat is thinking “I DON’T FIND THIS STUFF AMUSING.”

{Source} $18

Not the same, but still fun:

And then Balthazar piddled on the manger

suebob — Sun, 18 Dec 2011 15:11:33 +0000

I’m hearing that “Jingle Dogs” music in my head. A whole Dachshund nativity set:

{Source} $85. Fleas navidog, everyone.

Not the same, but still fun:

Everyone Who Has Every Been on Craftastrophe Needs This

suebob — Tue, 13 Dec 2011 13:53:07 +0000

I’m just saying these people need some kind of help. This could be exactly the thing. Of course, so could powerful anti-psychotic medications.

A tarot magic spell to ensure Etsy shop success! (If you have an eBay shop, you’re SOL).

- A Video of the spell as it’s being performed live by me. I will use tarot cards and a candle along with a ritual written to your specific needs.
After I cast your spell I will stay at the altar and meditate on your spell as the candle burns.
(Also a .JPG)

{Source} Just $25. Cheaper than Haldol!

Not the same, but still fun:

A Craftastrophe and a Cakewreck all at once

suebob — Sun, 04 Dec 2011 15:22:41 +0000

What a way to celebrate the beautiful beginning of a long relationship:

A cute little drunk couple who has fallen off the wedding cake! They’re celebrating the start of a long, drunken, possibly violent and arrest-filled relationship. Mazel tov, you alkies.

Can be customized to match your particular coloring. Flushed red nose and missing teeth may be extra.
{Source} $130.00, or a case of cheap gin.

While you’re on the internets, go see CakeWrecks for more laughs. No, this is not an ad. Just a recommendation.

Some more like this one:

Fashion Tip: To Wear to Your Mommyblogger Sister-in-Law’s Next Baby Shower

suebob — Wed, 30 Nov 2011 18:00:51 +0000

Same artist as last post. Go figure.

With Basquiat-like talent such as this, you wonder why they aren’t showing in NYC.
{Source} $6.66 for a reason

Not the same, but still fun:

Cleanliness is next to normalcy

suebob — Wed, 30 Nov 2011 14:00:14 +0000

Hey, emo girl! I have an idea for you:

Try cleaning your rug more than once every 20 years and maybe some people will come over. Just a thought.
{Source} Only $4.00. Hand sanitizer extra.

Some more like this one:

C is for Circus. And also your grade on this assignment

suebob — Mon, 28 Nov 2011 17:00:39 +0000

Ok, it’s whimsical, it’s a “statement” necklace (I HAAAATE that term), it’s meant to be cute and charming. But you know what turns this necklace from merely annoying into a real Craftastrophe?

The white spots. They didn’t bother to get out their Exacto or jigsaw or what-have-you and trim out the white spots. That drives me crayzeeeeeee. Quality counts, people. Show your work.
{Source} $59 worth of Flying Acrobats

Not the same, but still fun:

Oh Crapmass Tree

suebob — Sun, 27 Nov 2011 12:00:02 +0000

Oh, it’s Southwestern, is it? So it isn’t meant to resemble a giant ball of poo, then? Because it bears an unfortunate resemblance to something that came out of my dog:

{Source} $75.00 Ho ho ho