Craftastrophe » You Can Stop Making Crafts Now

Happy St. Patrick’s Day

suebob — Wed, 17 Mar 2010 11:00:26 +0000

A reminder from your friends at Craftastrophe – please don’t drink too much green beer today, or you’ll end up looking like this:

Or you may make a drunken mistake, get online and end up spending $175 on something like this:

Why, yes, that IS the Conan O’Brien dollhouse miniature leprechaun you had always wanted! It must be the luck of the Irish.

{Source} Jerry the (hungover) leprechaun

{Source} Conan O’Leprechaun

Suebob does not look good in green.

Not the same, but still fun:

Less Dread, More Head …..

KimT205 — Fri, 12 Mar 2010 14:30:42 +0000

With St Patrick’ s Day approaching, do you find yourself looking for the perfect accessory to complement your outfit?

Something that would be at home in the office, school or the ~~titty~~ city bar ?

Look no further than these unique “dreadfalls” ……

As an added bonus, they can be quickly removed in case all of that green beer decides to reappear and you don’t have ~~another dancer~~ a friend to hold your hair back.

Dreadful Dreadfall indeed ……

{source}

Kim learned as a young lass to avoid any clothing item with the word “dread” in it.

Not the same, but still fun:

Hey you guys! Like my John Wayne Gacy clown painting?

flutter — Wed, 10 Mar 2010 14:00:38 +0000

Hey you guys! I was pulling the plastic flamingos out of my front yard to make this headdress…is that two words? Head dress? I don’t know, you guys this ain’t a dress for your head but it sure is pretty! So, anyway, you guys I was pulling the pink plastic flamingos out of my front yard to make this “piece of art” when I realized…This art oughta be photographed in front of MY favorite piece of art. I present to you guys my totally rad headdress, photographed in front of the painting that John Wayne Gacy sent to me as a thank you for the many erotic letters I sent to him about my clown fetish. Etsy made me take down the erotic poem I originally had with this listing, so I had to change it to this:

This piece is a one of a kind. Where do I start. It is a headband with a huge bow on top made of pink, orange, and green florescent tulle, with a doll’s head in the middle. The doll has a sequened crown and there are two flamingos on each side of the bow. The headband is covered in blue tinsel material. It is not heavy though and will not weigh your head down. Anywhere you wear this to, you will be noticed. It is truly a piece of art and this is the only one I have ever made like it.

What I didn’t say is that this piece is meant to be worn with the lingerie that I made with the melted barbie heads on the nips.

Source

Thanks, Cari!

flutter writes on her personal blog byflutter, sometimes.

Not the same, but still fun:

Absolutely Genius

Renee — Tue, 09 Mar 2010 18:00:56 +0000

I was so excited when I came across the thing I planned to blog for my first Craftastrophe post. It was horrific. It was gross. It was the kind of inexplicable mistake that is the definition of this site.

So imagine my surprise when I finally sat down to compose, and out of left field came this thing’s ugly step-sister. This thing’s ugly, naked, wart-faced, hunch-backed troll of a step-sister, barreling down on me at top speed with seven bloody, sparkly tampons clutched in her fat, waxy talons.

I give you the “Absolutely Genius Tampon Windchimes Essence of Life Windchimes.”

In addition to having a title that just won’t quit, these wind chimes promise to “remind you why being a woman is so wonderful” (because the best part of any woman’s month is when red glitter pours out of her lady bits).

The chimes feature sturdy bamboo craftsmanship, “100% real tampons,” and “[a] vintage jewelry peice…showcasing the essence of woman.”

Apparently, the “essence of woman” is that cheap necklace you wore in third grade until its fake chain started turning your neck green.

Sure, you could pay $15 for plain ol’ bamboo chimes that clink and, you know, chime in the wind–OR you could pay $25 (plus shipping) for these!

{source}

Renee finds more appropriate uses for glitter at The Brisk Blog.

Some more like this one:

Johnny Depp is magical, but we already knew that.

sam {temptingmama} — Mon, 01 Mar 2010 01:16:33 +0000

Okay, I see no a little resemblance.

With all the emphasis on the minute details, I am curious as to why it was altered to include…

But what I really want to know is: does the peen actually glow in the dark? That would bring a whole new meaning to “Glow Worm”.

Thanks Shannon!

{source}

Some more like this one:

Note to Crafters: Brass Isn’t PlayDoh.

Karen Sugarpants — Sun, 28 Feb 2010 13:00:08 +0000

You can’t just jam stones and a bar of moldy soap into soft brass all willy nilly and slap a $1200 price tag on a crap-ass looking ring and expect people to pay that.

There’s a good reason why your ring was added to Etsy on January 5th as “On sale till Sunday” and it NEVER SOLD.

Idjit.

{source}

Some more like this one:

Well It Was A “Good Try”

Karen Sugarpants — Sat, 27 Feb 2010 13:00:51 +0000

From the listing:

This little 3G brooch has all the tiny details built in Fimo,including the 18 original keys – they just turned out a little bent!

Nawwww…it’s looks FINE.

You can stop making crafts now!

{source}

Some more like this one:

You Know Those Reborn Dolls? Yeah, This Isn’t One of Them.

Karen Sugarpants — Fri, 26 Feb 2010 14:00:22 +0000

You know those reborn dolls that women sometimes collect?

If not, the basic jist is that there are custom doll designers who make these dolls to look and feel as lifelike as possible. They put weights inside them to make them feel heavy like a baby, and the detail is incredible:

So these dolls bring comfort to those who order them, blah blah blahdiddy blah. Then there’s this. For those people who really want to love and care for an elf baby. Um, yeah.

WHY are it’s toes on one foot way longer than the other foot? Is that really how elves look?

Ooo there’s that lifelike just flew out of the birth-canal-cone-head look! Elf cannon! Pew Pew!

{source}

Some more like this one:

If Mike Wisowski from Monsters Inc. Crafted?

Karen Sugarpants — Wed, 10 Feb 2010 11:44:28 +0000

Upcycling is bad. Do not do this.

Thanks Susan!

{source}

Some more like this one:

I’m in the Wrong Business

Karen Sugarpants — Sun, 03 Jan 2010 18:00:20 +0000

The hat I’m about to show you is $1250.

I could hand dye karate belts, let the neighbourhood cats have their way with them, throw them in a bowl with some sort of stiffening agent (oatmeal works in my house) and call it a hat.

I mean, that’s what this chick did:

{source}