Craftastrophe » Recyled Rejects

Idiots: Unite!

Renee — Tue, 16 Mar 2010 17:00:21 +0000

Have you ever looked into your jewelry box and thought to yourself, “I wish my accessories had something to say!”?

Did you want that thing to be, “I am an idiot with too much money”?

If so, your dream is about to come true!

Introducing the “Pearly Sleeping Beauty Collage Statement Necklace” from CandyBellaJewelry!

CandyBella’s “highly collectible couture art pieces” are made from “vintage estate jewelry that’s been revamped and glitterized, and tonnnnns of swarovski crystals and glass beads,” allowing you the rare opportunity to broadcast your idiocy to the world at full volume for only $150!

The visionary behind CandyBella, Kati, is a “self-proclaimed ‘glamour addict’” whose definition of “glamour” includes stars, hearts, and “her favorite adhesive, the same formula used in the world’s best surfboard repair shops.”

Her long-winded profile contains a fairytale mess of insights into her creative process, like this Swarovski gem: “Tiny multi-colored glass finishing beads the size of sand grains are what Kati calls the “cupcake sprinkles” of the pieces, explaining that while the majority of them will remain in place, the natural falling of a few of these mini marbles is a natural part of the CandyBella experience, the same way that sprinkles tumble from the tops of cupcakes.”

In addition to the Pearly Sleeping Beauty Collage Statement Necklace, CandyBella’s Etsy shop also offers this lovely Snow White Cuff (tiara not included) that promises to make you the center of your own $300 Lady Gaga fairytale with its “gold resin wings, surrounded by handpainted porcelain roses, vintage rhinestone pieces, tiny pearls, tons of swarovski crystals in different colors, and a little Dopey is peeking around the back of the cuff for a dash of fun.”

A little Dopey is right!

Or if Snow White’s not your style, you can also opt for this purple Moonbeam Unicorn Princess Cuff inspired by CandyBella’s “favorite 80s GirlPower superheroes” (who apparently wished to remain otherwise nameless out of fear that they would lose every sliver of their GirlPower street cred).

Like a vajazzled cho cha, “the best part is discovering the beautiful layers for yourself!”.

But just in case you don’t like $350 surprises, CandyBella gives you the run down on this glorified Mattel wrist band: “Giant laquered plastic unicorn head surrounded by hundreds of silver and neon pink pearls, vintage rhinestone jewelry, silver stars, and sparkly bits; all mounted on an adjustable silver plated cuff with a decorative inlay inside.”

Somewhere, Jem is cutting herself and crying.

{source}

Renee keeps her glittery unicorns on the inside.

Some more like this one:

Pink Pachyderm

Elly Lou (BugginWord) — Mon, 08 Mar 2010 13:58:59 +0000

I’ve spent years of my life searching for the perfect hot pink pachyderm with yellow polka dots and bright green tusks. Who hasn’t? I never dreamed of finding a specimen as wondrous as this one. Imagine my excitement when I found this little beauty has the added bonus of angry hand-painted eyebrows that say:

“I went to an Ivy League College, not a 3-ring circus.”

I bet it looks even classier under a black light. Then again, what doesn’t?

{source}

Elly Lou gets her blog on over at BugginWord.com. Beware of unicorns – especially the angry ones.

Not the same, but still fun:

Un-SHOE-sually Sole-ful

Karen Sugarpants — Tue, 16 Feb 2010 18:30:32 +0000

Wow. Sorry about that awful title. It sounded better in my head. Check out these shoes, all upwards of $350 each. Works of art or sole-ly a money grab?

Okay, okay, I’ll stop with the puns.

Speaking of fly art… have you seen these? HILARIOUS.

Fish-shoe! Fish-shoe!

Bless you.

Thanks Leslie!

{source}

Some more like this one:

We Won’t Be Sending These to Obama’s Daughters

Karen Sugarpants — Mon, 15 Feb 2010 15:19:43 +0000

Nor the Queen of Spain’s* daughter. These Republican Boutique Jeans are a little too loud and stupid for my liking, (just like Sarah Palin) and I’m Canadian. It’s like all the sunshine and stars fell out of Sarah Palin’s half-cocked smirk and planted themselves on an innocent child’s pair of denim. So sad.

Thanks Beth!

{source}

* not the real Queen of Spain. This Queen of Spain is totally separate.

Some more like this one:

Trailer Trash Barbie Belongs On The Jersey Shore

Karen Sugarpants — Sun, 20 Dec 2009 04:02:53 +0000

I don’t know guys, she looks more like a squatter. In a crack den. Who hasn’t bathed in 8 months.

Actually, up close, she looks like that one chick from Jersey Shore: JWOWW:

Yo, Guidette.

{source}

Some more like this one:

Somehow I don’t think Jimmy Choo would approve

sam {temptingmama} — Thu, 19 Nov 2009 01:48:30 +0000

New! Jimmy Choo! Because nothing says Choo like used beaten up shoes with a feather glued to it.

Get your pennies out! All 7,500 of them.

{source}

Not the same, but still fun:

Look What You Can Do With Your Recycle Bin!

Karen Sugarpants — Fri, 06 Nov 2009 01:09:11 +0000

Are you f*cking kidding me? What is this crap? I’m all for recycling, but once it’s in the bin, that sh*it is for the mice to chew on.

Besides, don’t notebooks already come with cardboard covers?

From the listing:

Perfect for recording life’s events and/or as a sketch book.

Life’s events? If my life included making notebooks from Eggo boxes (not that I eat Eggo’s, that kife will kill you), I would not spend the time writing it down!

Wait. You drink Coors Light?

That’s explains eeeeverything.

Because you must be drunk on douchebeer to think you can charge $68 bucks for a necklace made from PAINT CHIPS.

Or $58 bucks for this:

I AM SHOCKED AT YOUR BEHAVIOUR, CRAFTER. SHOCKED.

{source}

Not the same, but still fun:

America! (Frig) Yeah!

sam {temptingmama} — Sun, 05 Jul 2009 01:04:43 +0000

Karen and I would love to wish our Americus friends a very Happy 4th of July! I hope you’re enjoying your hot dogs, hamburgers and family gatherings.

(Psssst. Today is also Karen’s birthday!)

Happy Birthday Karen!!

When it comes to the fourth of July, I always think of the Team America: World Police theme song (if you click the link please beware that it’s explicit and NSFW, old people, or most family gatherings).

(It’s likely entirely inappropriate seeing as I am Canadian and it’s a parody of America but! I mean no disrespect, it’s just funny and makes me laugh.)

(This site hasn’t ever been known for being appropriate or non-judgmental, has it? I mean, you have read it, right?)

(If you have a moment, I highly recommend reading the comments on the YouTube thread. Hilarious!)

And if you’re so inclined, you could sport this beaut to the fireworks show this evening!

{source}

Maybe a new resin Barbie face necklace?

From the listing:

For this pendant, I used the bluest eyes, the reddest lips, and the whitest cap I could find!

This pendant measures two inches long and 1.5 inches wide, and half an inch deep. Shipped on black rubber tubing with a little black cap for the toggle clasp. (It would probably look a lot better on a gold chain.)

(I always laugh when a crafter states that they could have something different to make their item more appealing but chose not to.)

{source}

And now, the grand finale! The grand poobah!

If this isn’t upcycled I don’t know what is!

From the listing:

This is a ONE OF A KIND design!! Here is a very patriotic Uncle Sam holding his American Flag!! His face is a copy from an antique picture from my collection! His body is made from vintage silvery gray and sky blue chenille stems ~ a vintage silver Christmas light bulb reflector is behind his head to add some holiday sparkle ~ blue tinsel pipe cleaner hanger!

(P.S. I think “vintage chenille stems” is code for “used pipe cleaners”)

{source}

Have a great 4th of July America!

Love your Crazy Canuck friends!

Some more like this one:

Eye Have Got You Wrapped Around My Finger

Karen Sugarpants — Wed, 10 Jun 2009 11:33:36 +0000

Creepilicious!

From the listing:

At the moment I am making these rings on a commission basis as I only have limited stock of these vintage ‘blinking’ dolls eyes.

When the Eye is held vertical it is ‘Awake’ and when it is horizontal it is ‘Asleep’. I guess these are circa 1940s – and they are very cool! So, when you wear your ‘Eye’ as a ring, your hand movement will make the Eye blink….

This is an example of the type of ring I am making. It is adjustable and made from solid sterling silver. The silver is textured and oxidized to bring out a pattern in the metal.

The Eye is set in resin – which can be coloured to your requirements. This particular Eye Ring also has fine silver ‘tears’ – which are polished tiny fine silver beads handmade by the Thai Karen Hills Tribe (purchased Fair Trade).

An Eye Ring like this one retails at around US$ 131.

One-of-a-Kind and very unique!

I’ll say! I kind of like it though. I used to have a doll that closed her eyes when you laid her down. That is, until I left her in the bottom of the toy box for months and one eye was stuck open and the other had no lashes. Now that was creepilicious!

Thanks Kristen!

{source}

Some more like this one:

More Opportunity for Toenail Artists Worldwide! (Aren’t You Excited?)

Karen Sugarpants — Sat, 02 May 2009 21:45:36 +0000

Now that I have sufficiently grossed you out with my last post, I wanted to show you how you can earn some sweet cash with the socks you’re going to wreck while growing your very own crafting toenails. Uncle Leo? Listen up.

All you have to do is be proficient enough with a needle and thread to craft your self a rabbit doll. The rabbit is a perfect pick because you can hide your toenail holes with her ears and no one will be the wiser!

The best part? You can sell her for THREE HUNDRED BUCKS!

No, I’m not kidding.

Not a toenail artist? I’m sure you can find pantloads of socks at your local laundromat. Good luck!

Thanks Lily!

{source}