I know it marks me as a communist, socialist, anti-American but I have to admit I HATE FOOTBALL. The American kind, not the real kind with skinny cute guys running like gazelles up and down the pitch. So when I saw all these baby football togs, I was all squinchy-faced with snark, making up evil captions in my head.

Oh, look at little Knut Rockne, ready to go get his first concussion!

{Source}

Can you believe his knees are ALREADY wrecked? Sad, I know.

{Source}

Have you ever noticed that the crappier the place is, the more they are into college football? No?

{Source}

But then…then there was this. Come on, you freaks. Let junior at least exit the womb before you start imposing your choice of sports on him.

{Source}

And now a word from our sponsors about real football:

In case you haven’t been feeling trashy enough lately.

The best part? Even the mannequin has tats. Because life is not possible without tats.
{Source} Only $15 slightly sweaty one dollar bills

So many things I don’t understand. Like, doesn’t this sort of defeat the purpose of a phone case? It makes your phone HARDER to use and would make it fall off tables if you set it down wrong…oh, and it is ugly as hell (it is supposed to be a pig. Yeah, whatever).

{Source} $99 clams.

To YOU it may be a “statement necklace.” To me, it’s something that is going to get caught in a whirring gear, drag me into the machine, and snap my neck, leaving me dead, tragically young, and beautiful. Well, one out of three, anyway.

Messy green necklace

Rubber jewelry is light weight, versatile and fun to wear. This piece combines black and purple buttons with seaweed green rubber to create a dramatic statement.

So, dear readers – do tell – what IS the statement this necklace is making?

{Source} Marked down from $55 to $49.50 for the thrifty

Sometimes you get a gift from the Universe. Even if you are a horrible person who writes a crafts fail blog (not to be confused with the genius FailBlog).

Just go look at this shop. It is chock full of gifts for the person who loves wacky, weird crafts. Behold:

Clothes Pin Top $165

Ping Pong Ball Necklace $145

Recycled Balloon Hat $65

Recycled Glove Vest $215

It is almost too much beauty in one spot. My heart is full. I suggest you buy them all and wear them together.