Craftastrophe » Podunk Pottery

Christmas Shopping: Disappoint Your Gadget-Loving Friend

suebob — Sat, 17 Dec 2011 15:40:09 +0000

“I got you an iPod!”

Oh, no, it’s an eye-pod! Not only a bad pun, but kinda creepy, too, as a bonus.
{Source} Only $30, but the disappointment is priceless.

Not the same, but still fun:

I’m Probably the Worst Possible Person to Write this Post, Because I’m Bound to Piss Someone Off

Karen Sugarpants — Wed, 29 Dec 2010 14:00:08 +0000

I have never, ever, EVER understood the appeal of Hello Kitty.

Ever.

I mean, look at her. Even as a little girl, I didn’t get it when the preppy girls in my class would ohh and ahh over Hello Kitty erasers and pencils and pencil cases and whatever else they could get their mitts on that had that boring white cat on it.

I liked Garfield. Garfield was sarcastic.

I liked Tom, of Tom and Jerry. He had drive, spunk and a mean streak.

Hello Kitty just sits there.

You know what else I don’t get? Fetuses. I didn’t ohh and ahh over any of my pre-half-time ultrasounds. After 20 weeks I noticed my oldest was sucking his thumb and had feet. I was cool with that.

Anyway, you know what I don’t get today?

Hello Kitty Fetus.

WhatThaFack?

Thanks Audrey!
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Not the same, but still fun:

A Turd By Any Other Name

Elly Lou (BugginWord) — Mon, 07 Jun 2010 13:03:23 +0000

You know that old saying about polishing a turd? Obviously its creator never saw the work of this artist.

Why polish a turd when you can gild it? Honestly, some people shouldn’t have access to glitter.

Is that thing winking at me or does it have a black eye? Can you imagine being mad enough to punch poo? Then again, how else would you react to getting propositioned by a winking Billy-Idol-reject-looking chunk of feces?

Made with “polymer clay, assorted metal findings, chain and charm, very old screw, gold mica powder, and love.”

…and LOTS of fiber.

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After viewing this Craftastrophe, Elly Lou is considering buying a goldfish net to collect her own “artistic materials.”

Some more like this one:

Uterus Dentata (and Other Frightening Ceramics)

Elly Lou (BugginWord) — Mon, 05 Apr 2010 12:55:26 +0000

Of course I’ve heard of toothed vaginae. But a toothed uterus?!

Beware little girls, this is what happens when you sleep with the tooth fairy.

This pregnant lady has a tooth in her belly, a molar, where usually a fetus would be! Also there is a toothy grin on the back of her neck!

Crap! There’s teeth on her neck, too?

Living in NYC, I’ve often wished I could use my uterus as an extra storage space for Christmas decorations or sporting equipment. Not for teeth though, I really do prefer to keep those in my mouth (along with my foot).

Not into teeth? No worries! The artist has a whole slew of uteri stuffed with creative goodies – muffins, testicles, waving kitties, whistles, and even a bowl of noodles. Based on the way I felt during my last period, I might have to commission a piece with a hello kitty chainsaw crammed into the uterine area. Don’t panic – I have more pictures for you.

Speaking of periods, the artist also has a little something special for the “feminist or menstruation enthusiast.”

Let’s get real people. Who ISN’T a menstruation enthusiast? I can’t think of a better thing to get enthusiastic over. If I’m not oozing sanguine sludge from my toothed uterus, I want to gaze upon a ceramic vagina sculpture “with some blood pouring out!”

They are around actual size. The size you would think a sculpture of a vagina would be.

That’s odd. In my mind a sculpture of a bleeding vag should be at least three stories high and have a working fountain. Ugh.

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Elly Lou also writes over at Bugginword when she isn’t busy trying to see how many household items fit in her uterus.

Some more like this one:

Poor Sad Squishy

sam {temptingmama} — Sat, 16 Jan 2010 04:01:27 +0000

This poor little squish is so sad!

No one knows why… but I think it’s because he needs a home!

Squishes are made out of polymer clay and serve absolutely no purpose other the being squishy!

If you would like a squish on a necklace or a squish on your fridge, let me know!

I have some fat squish I could give you so your squishes are no longer sad squishes but happy squishes with squishy squish friends.

Interestested? Email me!

Want a squishy friend? One dollah.

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Some more like this one:

Coffee Lovers Rejoice!

sam {temptingmama} — Thu, 14 Jan 2010 17:00:39 +0000

Harmless, right? I mean, it’s kinda freaky looking, but nothing too craftastic compared to other items we’ve featured here.

That is until you flip it over…

The Hell?!?

GOOD MORNING, SUNSHINE! TIME FOR A CUPPA JOE?! LET’S GET THIS DAY STAAAAARTTTED!!!

Aaaaand…. as I was refreshing the shop owners page, this cup sold.

Someone’s going to have a freakishly delightful cup of coffee very shortly.

Bastards.

Thanks Cyndie!!

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Some more like this one:

Shut up and drink your tea

sam {temptingmama} — Tue, 05 Jan 2010 17:00:15 +0000

I *suppose* you could use it as a tea pot if you really want. But. Dude? Seriously? Are you sure you haven’t been smoking that tea instead?

Inscribed in colorful glaze on the interior of the teapot chamber is “Coffee, Tea…or me?”

Uh. Wha?

Do you know how much coffee I could buy for 395 dollars?

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Some more like this one:

I wanna be just like Flava Flav

sam {temptingmama} — Fri, 02 Oct 2009 11:00:36 +0000

I just can’t think of one occasion for where this may be suitable.

Guess that just makes me a straight edged stick in the mud, because really? I mean. You could wear mold just about anywhere. Right?

Don’t get me wrong. It’s cute, and well crafted; just… uh…. WHY?

I just can’t decide if it’s the moldy bread or the intestinal tract I like better.

Another thing…When I first read the dimensions I saw 4.5 and immediately thought inches (even though it’s actually centimeters) – and 4.5 inches? THAT’S HUGE. You’d be walkin’ around like Fava Flav with those intestines dangling from a gaudy chain.

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Then you could be all: FLLLAAVVVVAAA FLAAAAV. But not.

P.S. Flava Flav is 50!!!?! WTF!?

P.P.S. I feel old.

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Some more like this one:

Deep Squat, My Eye!

sam {temptingmama} — Tue, 29 Sep 2009 17:30:20 +0000

Perusing some of the older submissions I came across this. At first I thought it was just some weird polymer head with a goofy grin and funny eyes.

Then I read the description and choked on my water then spit it all over my computer.

Someone owes me a clean computer.

Heed the warning, people. Heed!

From the listing…

This is a strong mama & not for the timid. She is crowning in a deep squat, known to be an optimal position for birth, utilizing both gravity and a wide open pelvis to bring her baby strongly into the world. She refuses to be drugged, cut open, or forced onto her back in a pose of subservience. She takes charge of her birth & she’s doing it HER WAY. She is as anatomically detailed as I could manage, complete with labia, nipples & clitoral hood.

Holy feminist Batman!

Guess that makes me a push over man servant. Ah well. Can’t win ‘em all, can we? No sense in getting my labia all bunched up.

I will not make her less detailed.

How’s that for standards!?

Thanks Carolyn!

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Some more like this one:

I Tend to Carry on About Stuff I Know Little About

sam {temptingmama} — Sat, 17 Jan 2009 00:45:14 +0000

When I think of mermaids, I think of Madison from Splash, even Ariel from The Little Mermaid; but wall art with an oversized, over embellished mermaid? Not so much.

Can I just say that her pouty pee-pee sucker lips got me a little freaked out.

And her hair? What is with the hair? Are those seams from her grown out weave?

Let’s take a look at the whole picture, shall we?

An homage to mixed media art (read: all the crap this person could find, melded into art a la resin), this mermaid art is described as:

“Swim With Me” 3D mermaid wall art

A beautiful orange and teal green mermaid drifts lazily through shallow waters. A singular gold fish follows her, hoping to discover some secret treasures…

This piece is an original, one of a kind 3D wall hanging. I have hand sculpted the mermaid from polymer clay; her facial features were hand painted with acrylic paints.
Other media includes resin, glass beads, assorted fibers and ribbons, hand made papers, and watch gears. Tail is slightly poseable.(sic)

Dude, check out the freakishly large hand! All the better to stroke the fish with, my dear.

(I have no idea where that came from. Do mermaids even like fish? Ariel likes Flounder, but is that because he’s her buddy, or do they eat fish? Ad if they don’t eat fish, what do mermaids eat?)

(Listen to me – it’s like I think mermaids are real or something.)

(It’s entirely possible I *may* have had too much caffeine today.)

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