I just can’t think of one occasion for where this may be suitable.

Guess that just makes me a straight edged stick in the mud, because really? I mean. You could wear mold just about anywhere. Right?

Don’t get me wrong. It’s cute, and well crafted; just… uh…. WHY?

I just can’t decide if it’s the moldy bread or the intestinal tract I like better.

Another thing…When I first read the dimensions I saw 4.5 and immediately thought inches (even though it’s actually centimeters) – and 4.5 inches? THAT’S HUGE. You’d be walkin’ around like Fava Flav with those intestines dangling from a gaudy chain.

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Then you could be all: FLLLAAVVVVAAA FLAAAAV. But not.

P.S. Flava Flav is 50!!!?! WTF!?

P.P.S. I feel old.

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Perusing some of the older submissions I came across this. At first I thought it was just some weird polymer head with a goofy grin and funny eyes.

Then I read the description and choked on my water then spit it all over my computer.

Someone owes me a clean computer.

Heed the warning, people. Heed!

From the listing…

This is a strong mama & not for the timid. She is crowning in a deep squat, known to be an optimal position for birth, utilizing both gravity and a wide open pelvis to bring her baby strongly into the world. She refuses to be drugged, cut open, or forced onto her back in a pose of subservience. She takes charge of her birth & she’s doing it HER WAY. She is as anatomically detailed as I could manage, complete with labia, nipples & clitoral hood.

Holy feminist Batman!

Guess that makes me a push over man servant. Ah well. Can’t win ‘em all, can we? No sense in getting my labia all bunched up.

I will not make her less detailed.

How’s that for standards!?

Thanks Carolyn!

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When I think of mermaids, I think of Madison from Splash, even Ariel from The Little Mermaid; but wall art with an oversized, over embellished mermaid? Not so much.

Can I just say that her pouty pee-pee sucker lips got me a little freaked out.

And her hair? What is with the hair? Are those seams from her grown out weave?

Let’s take a look at the whole picture, shall we?

An homage to mixed media art (read: all the crap this person could find, melded into art a la resin), this mermaid art is described as:

“Swim With Me” 3D mermaid wall art

A beautiful orange and teal green mermaid drifts lazily through shallow waters. A singular gold fish follows her, hoping to discover some secret treasures…

This piece is an original, one of a kind 3D wall hanging. I have hand sculpted the mermaid from polymer clay; her facial features were hand painted with acrylic paints.
Other media includes resin, glass beads, assorted fibers and ribbons, hand made papers, and watch gears. Tail is slightly poseable.(sic)

Dude, check out the freakishly large hand! All the better to stroke the fish with, my dear.

(I have no idea where that came from. Do mermaids even like fish? Ariel likes Flounder, but is that because he’s her buddy, or do they eat fish? Ad if they don’t eat fish, what do mermaids eat?)

(Listen to me – it’s like I think mermaids are real or something.)

(It’s entirely possible I *may* have had too much caffeine today.)

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When I was 14, my friends set me up on a blind date through a weird teen phone service that was somewhat popular in Toronto. I talked to Bill on the phone a little, then we agreed to meet at the mall.
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Somehow it reminds me of childbirth.

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