Craftastrophe » Pet Clothes Are Stoopid

Eye see you

suebob — Wed, 25 Jan 2012 13:54:20 +0000

I’ll admit I love dear one-eyed dogs. Or three-legged dogs. Or old white-muzzled dogs gimping along on stiff legs. Ok, I’m a sucker for dogs.

The idea of an eye patch for a one-eyed dog is kinda cute. An empty eye socket can look kind of scary, and a little cover…ok, I can see it. But what I can’t see (no pun intended) is an eye patch with an EYE embroidered on it. A human eye. With fake eyelashes:

And of course no human-eyed dog eye patch collection would be complete without a holiday version”

{Source} Just $20 creepy the-eyes-are-following-me dollars.

Not the same, but still fun:

Do Not Want. Times One Million.

suebob — Tue, 10 Jan 2012 17:15:42 +0000

Quick, call PETA. These cats are suffering. SUFFERING!

This is supposed to be for Valentines Day. Does this cat look like he is enjoying his gift of love?

{Source} $16 worth of torture

{Source} $27 worth of Thanksgiving terror more scary than that jello salad your aunt always makes

Crimeny. Cats do not need hats with fake ears. Why? Because CATS HAVE EARS ALREADY, YOU MORON.

{Source} $15

Did you know I’m a pet psychic? Yes, and I’m SO good I can tell what animals are thinking just by looking at their photographs. This cat in a long-eared bunny hat is thinking “I DON’T FIND THIS STUFF AMUSING.”

{Source} $18

Not the same, but still fun:

Then your dog just needs some jorts, Ugg boots and a white tank with a bright colored bra underneath

suebob — Mon, 07 Nov 2011 21:23:53 +0000

In case you don’t want your dog to miss out on last year’s hot trend:

From the looks of it, this pooch is feeling pretty good about herself.

{Source}

Some more like this one:

Think I Could Buy These Awesometastic Jeans for my Manly Man?

Karen Sugarpants — Wed, 29 Dec 2010 04:29:29 +0000

Sure I could.

But would he wear them? Maybe if I promised him what’s pictured here, I suppose…

{source}

Not the same, but still fun:

Happy Birthday To Me!

Renee — Tue, 21 Dec 2010 18:00:30 +0000

That’s right–today is my birthday.

My 30th birthday.

And to commemorate this momentous occasion, I’ve found not one, not two, not three (which would make more sense) but FOUR awesomely bad crafts for your tastrophe, all of which feature the number 30 in their titles.

Number 1: The 30-inch bar wreath.

Photographed beside a wood stove to give you a better idea of its dimensions, this wreath of old bar trash promises to be “a great addition to any house that it hangs in.” And for $10,000, it’d better be!

Number 2: My favorite, the 30X30 inch Dog Portrait as Celebrity.

Realistic dog portraits portraying them as celebrity’s.
I also will paint your dog as your favorite celebrity!
I promise they will put a smile on your face.

Somewhere along the line, this person failed to grasp the concept of realism. Sheep Dog Johnny Depp=Not realistic. Selling a Sheep Dog Johnny Depp for $1500=Also not realistic.

Number 3: the size 30 Chandelier Crystal Feather Rosebud Jeans.

I know what you’re thinking. “Sure, they’re worth every bit of the $875 price tag, but wherever would I wear them?!

In Alabama apparently there’s only one word to describe this style: bridal.

And last but definitely not least, Number 4: the 42X30 Scalawag the Pirate Chiefs Friend Resurrected Jeans.

I guess the person who made these jeans felt that if they were going to charge nearly $600 a pair, these jeans better come $600 worth of name. Also, $600 worth of crotch attacking weapons. And probably$600 worth of jean patches.

Renee is another year older.

Not the same, but still fun:

Christmas Comes Early

Renee — Tue, 16 Nov 2010 18:00:33 +0000

It’s that time of year again. Nope, not stocking hanging time. Not family vacation time. Not even annoying Christmas music time.

It’s the time of year when I start online shopping for the holidays.

This evening I was browsing Etsy for something to get my mother, who at 64 has everything she needs and most things she wants (at least within my budget) and gets harder and harder to come with creative ideas for.

My mother is also a notorious dog enthusiast with a specific penchant (at the moment) for Pugs. Lucky for me, Etsy is a gold mine when it comes to creepy Pug related craft gifts.

Like these!

At a mere $2.99, who wouldn’t want the world’s creepiest hang tags? {source}

Or how about this {source}:

A blank card fit for any holiday wish (except the one to go back in time to before you saw this image).

Want to spend a little more dough? No problem! $75 gets you this sweet Pug Dog Crochet Scarf Handmade {source}:

Even bigger spenders will be thrilled with the next option, the Startled Fawn Pug Dog Original Sculpture {source}:

My favorite part of this $395.00 gem is the back:

Usually, assholes like that are extra.

And for those of you with the kind of discriminating taste that wants something unique that your loved one can hang on their wall, there’s this {source}:

That’s right–it’s a $400 promise to creep you out for all the holidays to come.

Some more like this one:

Fido Finds His Inner Ho’

Elly Lou (BugginWord) — Mon, 15 Nov 2010 13:58:46 +0000

Just when I thought I’d seen it all, I found this. A corset. For dogs. No, seriously.

Is it just me, or is this even weirder than baby spanx?

Oh but wait, it gets even better! Now you and your dog can wear matching corsets! Because that’s not weird at all.

Wasn’t there a movie line about loving your pets without LOVING your pets? Yeah, well…now we can add, “Bone your corset without boning your dog.”

{Source, source, source}

Elly Lou is now rethinking the matching set of plastic cones she and her cat sometimes wear together in public.

Not the same, but still fun:

This dog will set you on fire with his mind

flutter — Wed, 03 Nov 2010 05:30:05 +0000

Dear Human,

I have a fur coat. I wear it with some frequency. In the summer, when you are in your wee bitty little bikini, floating around cooly in the pool. I am stuck in this rank ass fur, sweating up a storm. But, in the fall and winter? It is delightful to be a dog. I have nature’s most perfect insulation.

So listen to me. LOOK AT ME. No, look at me. This crap? Has got to stop. I do not need a raincoat, a scarf, a jaunty little cap, or one of those stupid little hats with an umbrella attached. I sure as hell don’t need whatever this thing is and I think I may be having some allergy related reaction. Because, that’s right, I am ALLERGIC TO SHAME.

I’m warm enough. I am cute enough. Please stop making me wear the leftovers from your yarn stash.

Love,

Buster

P.S. That little treat in your underwear drawer? Expect that every day until the torture ceases.

Source

flutter has never made her dog wear anything made of fun-fur yarn. She promises.

Not the same, but still fun:

Feline Fonda

Gillian — Thu, 01 Apr 2010 11:12:30 +0000

Jane Fonda’s famous leg warmers have come back with a vengeance with the recent popularity of baby ‘legwarmers’. This crafter was sick of seeing the family pet Jazzercise in bare legs, so she decided to whip a little something up for Miss Kitty. Ignore the death stare, she’s just waiting for the warmup to start. Feel the burn!!

{Source- Care@Obsessively Stitching’s April Fools Day Project}

Gillian Wright keeps it real about kids, crafts, organizing, and (lack of) housework at Mrs. Wright, Gone Wrong.

Some more like this one:

No Personality? Try Wearing A Hat!

Renee — Tue, 23 Mar 2010 17:00:29 +0000

This weekend when hanging out with a wise friend, I was privy to this gem of an observation: “If you have trouble developing an interesting personality that’s another thing you’ll probably try–wearing a crazy hat.”

Or possibly making one! (And then trying to sell it for $450).

This hat is the most ridiculously ugly joker hat I’ve ever seen, which is saying a lot because I’ve also seen Fremont Street, Times Square, and the Castro during Gay Pride. No joker-hat-wearing fool in any of those locations had a thing on this primary colored monstrosity.

It reminds me of that Unicorn Lady…

Yeah, that one. Only less fun to look at.

Really, though, check out this model’s expression–even she doesn’t know why this is happening to her. She’s like one of those sad Japanese cats that’s been forced to model head wear.

Yeah, like that. Only less funny to look at.

The maker of the joker hatastrophe, New Zealander fannyblottdesigns, describes her creation as, “a 3-Dimensional, one piece (no stitching- all wet-felted at once) outrageous hat. It’s a bold statement piece showcasing the fabulousness of Superfine Merino and wet-felting.”

That’s funny, because I would’ve described it as a train wreck showcasing the way people tend to lose their minds when they stay indoors too long.

I think in the future fannyblott would do well to take a cue from her neighbors in Japan, cut out the model, and just go sad cat all the way.

At least then there’d be something funny to look at (beside her “art” I mean).

{source}

Renee loves the sad cats.