I’ll admit I love dear one-eyed dogs. Or three-legged dogs. Or old white-muzzled dogs gimping along on stiff legs. Ok, I’m a sucker for dogs.

The idea of an eye patch for a one-eyed dog is kinda cute. An empty eye socket can look kind of scary, and a little cover…ok, I can see it. But what I can’t see (no pun intended) is an eye patch with an EYE embroidered on it. A human eye. With fake eyelashes:

And of course no human-eyed dog eye patch collection would be complete without a holiday version”

{Source} Just $20 creepy the-eyes-are-following-me dollars.

Quick, call PETA. These cats are suffering. SUFFERING!

This is supposed to be for Valentines Day. Does this cat look like he is enjoying his gift of love?

{Source} $16 worth of torture

{Source} $27 worth of Thanksgiving terror more scary than that jello salad your aunt always makes

Crimeny. Cats do not need hats with fake ears. Why? Because CATS HAVE EARS ALREADY, YOU MORON.

{Source} $15

Did you know I’m a pet psychic? Yes, and I’m SO good I can tell what animals are thinking just by looking at their photographs. This cat in a long-eared bunny hat is thinking “I DON’T FIND THIS STUFF AMUSING.”

{Source} $18

In case you don’t want your dog to miss out on last year’s hot trend:

From the looks of it,  this pooch is feeling pretty good about herself.

{Source}

Sure I could.

But would he wear them? Maybe if I promised him what’s pictured here, I suppose…

{source}

That’s right–today is my birthday.

My 30th birthday.

And to commemorate this momentous occasion, I’ve found not one, not two, not three (which would make more sense) but FOUR awesomely bad crafts for your tastrophe, all of which feature the number 30 in their titles.

Number 1: The 30-inch bar wreath.

Photographed beside a wood stove to give you a better idea of its dimensions, this wreath of old bar trash promises to be “a great addition to any house that it hangs in.”  And for $10,000, it’d better be!

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