Craftastrophe » Ornamental Psychosis

Glitter Regurgitation

sam {temptingmama} — Tue, 17 Nov 2009 17:00:07 +0000

These (regurgitated) polymer clay caca faces are ready to add to your art dolls compost or any other craft project which will soon be burned beyond recognition.

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Not the same, but still fun:

Giveaway results brought to you by Flaccid Peen

sam {temptingmama} — Mon, 26 Oct 2009 17:50:22 +0000

And the winner wiener is:

Congratulations Melany, you win this:

The Golden Peen!

No, really. It’s all yours.

Okay, okay. Seriously. You win a gift certificate for whatever your heart desires from Eden Fantasys!

Congratulations!

Thanks again to Casey for this find!

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Not the same, but still fun:

Nekkid is festive {NSFW}

sam {temptingmama} — Sat, 17 Oct 2009 01:22:14 +0000

I have an incredible urge to buy these, put them on my tree and just wait to see who notices.

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Not the same, but still fun:

Deep Squat, My Eye!

sam {temptingmama} — Tue, 29 Sep 2009 17:30:20 +0000

Perusing some of the older submissions I came across this. At first I thought it was just some weird polymer head with a goofy grin and funny eyes.

Then I read the description and choked on my water then spit it all over my computer.

Someone owes me a clean computer.

Heed the warning, people. Heed!

From the listing…

This is a strong mama & not for the timid. She is crowning in a deep squat, known to be an optimal position for birth, utilizing both gravity and a wide open pelvis to bring her baby strongly into the world. She refuses to be drugged, cut open, or forced onto her back in a pose of subservience. She takes charge of her birth & she’s doing it HER WAY. She is as anatomically detailed as I could manage, complete with labia, nipples & clitoral hood.

Holy feminist Batman!

Guess that makes me a push over man servant. Ah well. Can’t win ‘em all, can we? No sense in getting my labia all bunched up.

I will not make her less detailed.

How’s that for standards!?

Thanks Carolyn!

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Some more like this one:

Whatever you do, do NOT touch the good silver

sam {temptingmama} — Mon, 28 Sep 2009 18:20:42 +0000

“She never uses this one. I bet she won’t even notice it’s gone… This is going to be so awesome! She’s going to love it. This and the cutlery from the china cabinet? She hasn’t used that in forever! So amazing. I’m brilliant!”

:::

“Honey! Have you seen my tea pot? The Jones’ are going to be here soon! I need the good tea pot. I can’t serve Betty tea is this old thing. I’ll be the talk of the euchre club. – Speaking of the tea pot, all my cutlery is gone too!”

“Nope, sweetie! Haven’t seen them.”

*whispers* Ah crap! Crap! Crap! Crap!

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Some more like this one:

I Think I’ll Stick To My Plain, White, Boring Toilet, Thanks.

Karen Sugarpants — Mon, 10 Aug 2009 02:24:39 +0000

Barbie herself would be pretty pleased with this Pretty in Pink version of the almighty girl-throne.

At $2100, this lovely number isn’t cheap, but the only thing that keeps running through my mind is how in the heck would you clean all that grout? Call me a germ-a-phobe, but it just seems to me that all those nooks and crannies would be ideal places for poo germs to have an all out crazy-ass rave, complete with glow necklaces and boomboomboomboom and poppin’ ecstasy all up those little VIP rooms between all that toilet bling.

So um, ew. Say no to drugs, kids.

Thanks Nic!

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Some more like this one:

America! (Frig) Yeah!

sam {temptingmama} — Sun, 05 Jul 2009 01:04:43 +0000

Karen and I would love to wish our Americus friends a very Happy 4th of July! I hope you’re enjoying your hot dogs, hamburgers and family gatherings.

(Psssst. Today is also Karen’s birthday!)

Happy Birthday Karen!!

When it comes to the fourth of July, I always think of the Team America: World Police theme song (if you click the link please beware that it’s explicit and NSFW, old people, or most family gatherings).

(It’s likely entirely inappropriate seeing as I am Canadian and it’s a parody of America but! I mean no disrespect, it’s just funny and makes me laugh.)

(This site hasn’t ever been known for being appropriate or non-judgmental, has it? I mean, you have read it, right?)

(If you have a moment, I highly recommend reading the comments on the YouTube thread. Hilarious!)

And if you’re so inclined, you could sport this beaut to the fireworks show this evening!

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Maybe a new resin Barbie face necklace?

From the listing:

For this pendant, I used the bluest eyes, the reddest lips, and the whitest cap I could find!

This pendant measures two inches long and 1.5 inches wide, and half an inch deep. Shipped on black rubber tubing with a little black cap for the toggle clasp. (It would probably look a lot better on a gold chain.)

(I always laugh when a crafter states that they could have something different to make their item more appealing but chose not to.)

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And now, the grand finale! The grand poobah!

If this isn’t upcycled I don’t know what is!

From the listing:

This is a ONE OF A KIND design!! Here is a very patriotic Uncle Sam holding his American Flag!! His face is a copy from an antique picture from my collection! His body is made from vintage silvery gray and sky blue chenille stems ~ a vintage silver Christmas light bulb reflector is behind his head to add some holiday sparkle ~ blue tinsel pipe cleaner hanger!

(P.S. I think “vintage chenille stems” is code for “used pipe cleaners”)

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Have a great 4th of July America!

Love your Crazy Canuck friends!

Some more like this one:

I Now Have An Incredible Urge to Go to a Pride Parade

sam {temptingmama} — Fri, 29 May 2009 02:24:54 +0000

I don’t know that the head piece is even the best part. The rainbow feathered hat / wig / dead macaw mulched in a lawn mower and tossed on his head looks fun and intriguing… but I think I am totally taken in by the rainbow lipstick. LOL

Not to mention the reflection in the mirror showing the ginormous boobies he’s wearing.

At least… I think he’s a he…

From the listing:

These elaborate one-of-a-kind sculptural creations are made to order with durable construction. All feather headpieces come with matching feather eyebrows (you can eyelash glue them over your real brows).

Glue the eyebrows to my eyebrows? That’s just asking for trouble when they have to come off isn’t it?

Regardless, I am going to ask for the entire ensemble for this year’s Gay Pride Parade.

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Please know that I am not making fun of the gay community. I love gay people and pride parades!

Some more like this one:

I’d Much Rather Have a Bucket of Fried Chicken, Thanks.

Karen Sugarpants — Fri, 01 May 2009 19:05:32 +0000

After hearing a radio commercial for the new Kentucky Fried Chicken campaign for Mother’s Day (Moms Night Off!), Sam turned to me and said, “If someone gave me a bucket of chicken for Mother’s Day, I’d rip his member off, shove it down his throat and pull it out his cornholio.”

Sam has issues.

Course if someone gave me THIS for Mother’s Day, it might elicit the same reaction. Here’s the backstory:

It all started one Christmas as an innocent joke. Leo bought Kitty some gold earrings, and just to see what would happen, he attached a toenail to each one. Kitty thought they must be shark’s teeth or shells, and she thought that they were beautiful. She wore them all Christmas day before he ‘fessed up to the true nature of the bling on the earrings. Luckily for him, she thought it was hilarious, as did the rest of the family. (I personally find it hard to believe that Kitty didn’t recognize those toenails – I mean, this was pre-painting and pre-sculpting eras of toenail art, and they really kinda look like toenails to me).

It got worse. Leo kept making creations out of his toenails and giving them to Kitty as gifts. Now they are all displayed in a curio cabinet in their home.

Thanks Jana!

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Some more like this one:

My Blood Runs Cold, My Memory Has Just Been Sold

Karen Sugarpants — Wed, 15 Apr 2009 13:08:16 +0000

Imagine it: you bring your precious new baby home after a couple of days in the hospital, and your man has told you he has decorated the nursery himself!

You walk into the tiny bedroom and find…

(insert movie trailer voice here)
…nothing like you imagined….
…in a world, where the success of an industry depends on the creativity of a few….
…greatness must be recognized…

…behold….

…a mobile of epic proportions…

…the stripper mobile:

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