I imagine walking down a busy city street on a brisk cool morning. Cloaked in my trench coat and a hat, the leaves crunch under my feet as the season’s first frost has crystallized the fallen, orange and red.

Then it happens.

The birds.

They start bopping their heads as their skinny little legs shuffle their fat over stuffed bodies in my direction.

One takes flight.

Then another, and another…

My hat!!!

I suppose it’s really a good option for all those left over pieces of yarn….

Also? So something I could make.

I have NO talent whatsoever – but that’s neither here nor there because this ‘pattern’ is one ANYONE could use, right?

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From the listing:

… I feel as if I’ve only begun my exploration about the realm of the half-round. Oh yes, more iterations definitely to come.

Can I just tell you? I AM GIDDY WITH ANTICIPATION.

Yes. I had to yell. I AM THAT EXCITED!!

Oh, you think I’m joking, don’t you?

I am so NOT joking.

Mmmm. MEAT.

This could only be better if it where Mac n’ Cheese Loaf instead of Olive Loaf.

Pass the mustard!

These are By. Far. the best shawls I’ve seen. I am so over the pashmina and all about the Corndog Cape Shawl.

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Does NOT mean you should.

70’s called. They want their shorts back.

BTW. I bet these babies would give ya a TOTAL camel toe. Just sayin’.

Who wears short shorts!?

*scritch, scritch, scritch* I just don’t know…. I think it may be um… HOT and well, itchy. Knitted thong? Ya. Um. I… No.

Hot pants {source}, Shorts {source}, Intimates {source}

Know how when you’re working on something Top Secret, like your blog that your family or co-workers know nothing about, and you just want to keep it private? So you sit hunched over your monitor trying to block the vision of prying eyes. You glace around the room suspiciously scanning for those eyes which are peering in your direction and could maybe even read that address bar from across the room where by getting your blog URI and sharing it with all of Starbucks. The very same Starbucks that your sister-in-law is known to frequent and *gasp* may hear about your blog!?

Fear not dear reader, because this beaut can cure your fear of blogging in public!

Or how about that delish sandwich you picked up from the deli downstairs? You don’t want your boss to see you eating on the job, or gawd forbid a co-worker get a whiff of your scrumptious tuna sandwich and come over to talk about how great your lunch smells and then proceeding to hang around and watch you chew while they ask a MILLION questions even though they KNOW your mouth is full of scrumptious sangwhich.

Hide out peeps. Hide out while sitting at your desk while totally inconspicuous.

Ever not answer your cell because your hand gets cold while walking during those frigid winter months? Just think of the possible calls you could have missed? Dane Cook calling to tell you he wants to be your Baby Daddy? Matthew McConaughey calling to say he’s leaving Camilia for you? You won the Publisher’s Clearing House? How about a publisher wanting to take your tacky blog which makes fun of people’s creations and making it into a coffee table book?

Hey, it could happen. It ALL could happen.

But because your hand would have frozen to the core and you can’t lose your hand because then blogging at Starbucks would be far more difficult to conceal while pounding away at the key board with a stump frozen limb you didn’t answer the phone.

And what about those all too Top Secret passwords which open the gates to your online life? Imagine that Starbucks creeper, spying you from across the room and seeing the magical string of letters, number and symbols you type, then announcing it publicly to the Starbucks crowd at the location your sister-in-law frequents?

Seriously people, Teh Horror!

And instead of cupping your hand over the other while you hen peck out the Magical Password while peering around the room for said Creeper, you could be confident in your password’s safety.

Totally off topic.

What’s with all the Macs everywhere? The universe is taunting me people. UN. FAIR.

Thanks Nicole!

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P.S. Sternlab has some of the funniest and most amazing things. I LOVE IT!! Frankly I think Becky Stern is brilliant and I wouldn’t mind rubbing on her. Just sayin’.

I can understand having a hobby and becoming enthralled in said hobby.

As a horny preteen I was obsessive when it came to collecting the New Kids on the Block trading cards. I had all of them. Should I get a duplicate card? The overwhelming sadness would have put a high school break-up to shame.

This is no joke people.

It’s the end of life as we know it when you get a duplicate card. Ask any preteen kid that’s collecting Pokémon or Webkins or whatever-the-heck those young ones are doing these days.

Big. Deal. People.

Where was I?

Oh yes. A hobby.  Appreciate it. Embrace it.  The fact is some people, including your children, are obsessive freaks when it comes to collecting or making things.

But!

Ooooooh – there’s definitely a But! because when that obsessive need turns utterly CREEPY you get something like this:

I don’t even know what to say except… what happens when the poor tree wants to GROW! and EXPAND! and LIVE!

Is it supposed to bust outta that thing like Lou Ferrigno when he turns into The Hulk?

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