Craftastrophe » Jewelry Not Found in Great Aunt Mary’s Vanity

Wear your heart brain on your sleeve earlobe…

sam {temptingmama} — Wed, 04 Nov 2009 01:42:31 +0000

heart brain on your ~~sleeve~~ earlobe..." alt=" Wear your ~~heart~~ brain on your ~~sleeve~~ earlobe..." />

Pinky and the Brain?

I think I’m losing my touch. I have NO idea what this is or what it’s meant to be.

None.

From the listing:

These are Fimo Clay Cresents made from clear, white and pink color. They will fit earlobles the size of 5/8″ only

heart brain on your ~~sleeve~~ earlobe..." width="430" height="323" />

Maybe their meant to be earrings?

They kinda remind me of little bit of intestine.

Or brains.

Ya. Brains.

*shrugs*

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Not the same, but still fun:

Who knew you liked vagina so much!?

sam {temptingmama} — Sat, 24 Oct 2009 14:07:02 +0000

We’ve featured this artist here before, but DAAAYUM you’all REALLY want to see what we have to say about another one of her items that’s been making it’s way around the interwebs.

It’s been featured quite a few places as of late – including one of our favourites - mad props to Buzzfeed! - but it’s so fun we just can’t pass it up.

Who knew you liked vagina so much!?

Sorry to those of you whom may have had your vagina replicated and it’s featured here. Ever more so if yours is the one I referred to as “moldy”.

This ones for you our lovely Craftastrophe followers, because without you none of this would have been possible.

Uhhh… my vagina* loves you?

Thanks fidget, Shannna, Cyndie, Josh & Allison, and my girl PrincessJenn

{source – replica vulva}

{source – heart shaped vuvla}

*Totally NOT my vagina.

Not the same, but still fun:

There’s a reason mommy drinks so much

sam {temptingmama} — Thu, 08 Oct 2009 02:10:00 +0000

Remember sweetie, you’re not to touch mommy’s special Work Drink. She needs those Work Drinks to make money and put a roof over your head.

And Jenn? LOVE HER. She sent us this email and I nearly peed when I read her comment:

Nothing says ‘Mommy drinks too much’ like a Big Sister bottle cap necklace. *snort*

But wait! There’s MORE!!

If you’re a Twilight fan – which, um HELLO! Team Edward! – there’s a butt ton of bottlecap necklaces available for you!

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Egg-cellent!

sam {temptingmama} — Wed, 19 Aug 2009 00:17:26 +0000

This one just makes me laugh.

Manically.

I am buying one and wearing it with my sexist* lingerie.

Hmm… I wonder if she makes bacon ones?

From the listing:

A fun and whimsical broach that will add a unique flair to any outfit. Pannies Broaches are made from real fried eggs that are entirely encased in gloss to make them solid and wearable. They do not smell or leak or stain, don’t worry! The edges of the egg curl up, creating a sculptural and unexpected accessory.

Seriously. Aside from bacon perfume this has to be about the easiest way to turn a man on.

I totally, unconditionally LOVE it.

Even more so that it doesn’t leak or stain. LOL

Thanks Cari!

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You Can Ring My Bell…Among Other Things

Karen Sugarpants — Mon, 06 Jul 2009 11:09:48 +0000

Imagine getting married in a dress made from those paper bells my Granny makes me buy for every wedding shower and baby shower. They sit on the table right next to her pistachio pudding/marshmallow dessert which she simply calls “Green Fluff.” She’s been making it since 1965 or earlier and I’m sure she is the only one who eats it. It might even be the same dessert she just hauls back and forth like a bowl of wax fruit. Maybe it’s not even real. I’ve never seen anyone else eat it but Granny and I’m certain she’s faking it. She’ll pull an empty spoon out of her mouth and say, “mmmmm….that green fluff is perfect! You should try it!” It’s a trick, I’m certain.

Anyway.

I think it’s kinda funny that the hearts behind the guys head makes him look like he has giant lopsided ears at first glance. Dude looks like a sock monkey in his funderwear. I’m slightly jealous of this guy’s funderwear. Want.

Haute Paper Couture!

*rawr*

I honestly can’t help but love this artist! If for nothing else but her sense of humour with her “I will Screw U oh I mean I will Love U Necklace.”

Thanks Kerrie!

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Dis Is Not Yogical*

Karen Sugarpants — Fri, 26 Jun 2009 20:44:39 +0000

I’m a big fan of Yoga. I think it’s good for the mind, body and soul. At the end of a Yoga class, the instructor always bows to us (and us to her) and says, “Namaste.” The meaning of that isn’t lost on me, but in case you don’t know what it means, here’s the short version:

The gesture Namaste represents the belief that there is a Divine spark within each of us that is located in the heart chakra. The gesture is an acknowledgment of the soul in one by the soul in another. “Nama” means bow, “as” means I, and “te” means you. Therefore, Namaste literally means “bow me you” or “I bow to you.”

It’s such a nice gesture, and you feel so incredibly peaceful afterwards.

Which is why I have no idea why this crafter called her creation the Namaste Necklace. To me, that looks more like my kids Magnetix set exploded in glue and set into a choke hold I would never ever pay $2500 for. Can imagine wearing this monstrosity to Yoga class? It’s like cowboy belt buckle meets gloworm! You’d never get out of downward facing dog!

*Thanks Haley for the invention of the word Yogical!

{source of Namaste definition}

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A Medley of Spring Craptasticness

sam {temptingmama} — Tue, 07 Apr 2009 00:21:24 +0000

Next to a macaroni necklace, this has to be just about the best thing I’ve ever seen.

Adding these babies to my Mother’s Day wish list!

Matching bracelet anyone?

Thanks Diamondseed for this one, and the fabulous comment: “I know exactly how much effort went into that necklace… thing. Exactly how many hours the seller had to look at it and go “wow, this looks more than obnoxious” and just stop. And she didn’t.”

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Sweetheart, You Really Need New Friends

Karen Sugarpants — Mon, 23 Mar 2009 12:03:44 +0000

What do you do when you friend mails you a HUGE box of cicada shells?

I can think of 10 things I would do (puke in my hands, run away screaming, blah blah), but the crafter that posted this is yes, a resin crafter. You know just how crrrrazy the resin people are!

Oh YAY! She made jewelry! Where’s my credit card?

Thanks Shae!

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Mother’s Day Gift for That Helicopter Mom in Your Life

sam {temptingmama} — Mon, 16 Feb 2009 17:45:58 +0000

I love my children more than anything, but I am not one of those people who keep their umbilical cord, first curl or teeth.

Yes, I’m looking at you.

No thank you, not me. There’s just something about keeping molted part and pieces I find extremely eerie and demented.

Yes. I am looking at you.

Why not nail clippings to while you’re at it?

Yes. YOU.

But I digress.

Someone, somewhere will find this to be a fabulous idea.

Kinda like hanging their baby’s first shoe from the rear view mirror, only NOT.

This is a pair of Victorian inspired blackened cameo Genuine baby teeth earrings. The teeth have been cleaned and sanitized and are set on a black velvet pillow resting on a blackened cameo.

Yes, ladies you can wear your child’s molars on your ears.

The ultimate Helicopter Mom gift, if you ask me.

:: shudder ::

Mother’s Day is coming up. Too old? Meh. Just get in a bar fight or slug someone during a hockey game then just glue those babies on a set of earrings.

Thanks Candace Trew Calming for sending us this one!

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Aren’t Groundhogs Just Glorified Gophers?

sam {temptingmama} — Mon, 02 Feb 2009 14:53:34 +0000

Groundhog Day, the day of the year where we rip a helpless, fat animal from the confines of its warm and cozy hole only to shake it about in freezing cold to see if the sun radiates off its back.

Sounds like I could be describing something entirely different, doesn’t it?

All for human entertainment we subject these useless fat animals to cameras, lights, screams and jeers from throngs of people who surround them hoping for a prediction of a shorter winter.

If you want to know if winter’s going to be shorter, go stand outside and see if your shadow is visible, works the same, no? Silly human.

Know what I’d love to see?

That stupid man dressed in a tux and top hat that gets attacked by a rabid Cujo-like gopher groundhog.

Then I would wear it in my hair.

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