I’m not one of those women who’s freaked out by genitals, either–I like my vagina–but it strikes me as immodest to hang your junk out for the world to see. It also seems cruel to force the more prudish people out there, the ones who aren’t even comfortable with their own junk, let alone other people’s, to be unexpectedly confronted with a vagina.
“Oh, hey Sally, what’s that necklace your wearing?”
“Oh, it’s a polymer vagina.”
<Swoon>
And I was raised in the SF Bay Area, home of progressive attitudes toward genitalia. So I have to think that there’s some disconnect going on (maybe it’s a result of all the BPAs?) in certain women (and men) that makes them think “art” like this is anything other than unnecessary.
What could it be? Is it a stick figure lady? Is it an apple with arms?
As we make our collective final steps out of 2010 and into 2011, it’s only natural to begin reviewing the past 12 months. What did I like? What did I dislike? Which things should I bring with me into the New Year, and which should I let fall by the wayside?
It’s come to my attention recently that a certain thing has begun to grow in popularity. It’s been present for years, but it’s remained on the fringes, a staple of children and Burning Man fanatics, sure, but nothing you’d see on your mom, or your best friend; never so front and center that I’ve begun to see it in nearly every store window I pass.
I’m talking about adult animal hats.
No, I don’t mean raccoon tail Davy Crockett hats. Those are fine (as long as they also stay on the fringes…). I’m talking about these things:
Come on, dude. You are a grown man. You are not four years old. You’re 30! And you’re wearing a PENGUIN FACE on top of YOUR FACE! How is that okay?
This is my open plea to everyone that we eradicate adults in animal hats by January 2011.
I have a fur coat. I wear it with some frequency. In the summer, when you are in your wee bitty little bikini, floating around cooly in the pool. I am stuck in this rank ass fur, sweating up a storm. But, in the fall and winter? It is delightful to be a dog. I have nature’s most perfect insulation.
So listen to me. LOOK AT ME. No, look at me. This crap? Has got to stop. I do not need a raincoat, a scarf, a jaunty little cap, or one of those stupid little hats with an umbrella attached. I sure as hell don’t need whatever this thing is and I think I may be having some allergy related reaction. Because, that’s right, I am ALLERGIC TO SHAME.
I’m warm enough. I am cute enough. Please stop making me wear the leftovers from your yarn stash.
Love,
Buster
P.S. That little treat in your underwear drawer? Expect that every day until the torture ceases.
****This item will cost between $10 and $25 depending on how many letters and figures etc****
Somehow I ended up with 3-4 Scrabble games with various pieces missing. I took bits from each to make one complete set and the rest went into the recycle pile.
I had done this about a year and a half ago and planned on making jewelry. Since then, the Scrabble-tile necklace phenomenon took off like a rocket and my “original” idea seemed like I would have been copying everyone else. So, I decided to make other things.
Here is idea #3 – Your name or phrase in Scrabble letters with a CandyLand figure on part of a game board. Please specify CandyLand game board or Scrabble board.
Here are my issues with this:
1. No one needs to buy their name in Scrabble tiles. There are mondo Scrabble nerds out there, but were they to receive this as a gift I’d venture that it would fall into the box of gifts-you’ve-received-that-were-well-meaning-so-you-can’t-throw-them-away-but-they’re-also-awful.
2. Do you know how much a basic game of Scrabble costs? I do. $5. If you are, for some reason, yearning for a Scrabble-tile rendition of your name you can just march down the block and buy yourself a set of tiles for a quarter of this price.
3. You’ve gotta love any product that comes with a complete (boring) history.
