Craftastrophe » I Want to Punch a Crafter

In Case You Were Lamenting a Lack of Bling in the World

suebob — Tue, 01 May 2012 15:01:41 +0000

The price is one pcs.There are two colors (blue/pink ) in the selected one. Please tell me what kind of color need to ship, thank you!

Wait, the price is $99. Does this mean the two shown are $198? It must be. Because two may push the Bling Scale past its reasonable limits and destroy space and time as we know it.

{Source}

Not the same, but still fun:

I Have a Sinking Feeling

suebob — Wed, 18 Apr 2012 14:49:02 +0000

I wonder if this Titanic commemorative tea is extra bitter?

The Titanic Commemorative Collection presents, “Lost at Sea” ~ This sophisticated blend pays homage to those brave souls lost on the maiden voyage of the Titanic, April 14, 1912. The base tea of Ice Wine Black with rock sugar crystals are symbolic of the iceberg the ship struck in the frigid waters of the North Atlantic. The sprinkling of Cornflower blossoms symbolizes the dark blue sea and night sky surrounding the survivor’s lifeboats as they waited for rescue.

I can’t wait for the Space Shuttle Challenger Spice – I have heard it is an explosion of flavor!

{Source} $6.00. Serve with tears.

Not the same, but still fun:

Spilling Your Guts

suebob — Thu, 29 Mar 2012 14:41:22 +0000

Ok, ok, I feel sorry for you already. Now go be all emo somewhere else with your broken, smashed, ripped-open heart.

{Source} $12. Therapy sessions extra.

Not the same, but still fun:

Branding is Everything

suebob — Tue, 27 Mar 2012 13:10:52 +0000

I don’t care. No matter how much you try to call this “human ivory,” it’s still fingernail clippings to me. No, seriously. Fingernail clippings.

Also? Get that thing out of my house.
{Source} $200 and steam cleaner rental for where I just tossed my lunch on the carpet.

Not the same, but still fun:

Ear Bunnies

suebob — Fri, 23 Mar 2012 14:43:16 +0000

Looks like a dust bunny I vacuumed up after I took down the Christmas tree last week:

Also, the seller says

Silicon carbide is extremely hard if used in manufacturing but since these earrings are made with the compound in its natural form, crystals, they are very fragile therefore you need to be extra careful with them.

So now they not only LOOK like dust bunnies, but they will crumble and leave chunks all over you, which is always attractive, no?
{Source} $20 plus dry cleaning of your favorite blouse

Not the same, but still fun:

Children are ingrates

suebob — Mon, 13 Feb 2012 14:03:56 +0000

My Grandmother was a very large lady. When we would go to her house for Sunday dinners she always made fresh homemade buns to go with dinner. Taking the buns piping hot out of the oven, quite often this view is what my brother and I were presented with. And while we loved her cooking and were abundantly spoiled with delicious delights, there was nothing quite so dietarily motivating as that backend sight!

Really, Alison, really? Your dear grandma makes you delicious homemade treats and THIS is how you repay her. I imagine that Granny never told you that you weren’t a very good artist. Because she loved you. Well.

{Source} $1919 worth of throwing Grandma under the bus

Not the same, but still fun:

One Small Problem

suebob — Thu, 26 Jan 2012 14:05:45 +0000

You might as well wear the Dog Eye Patch from yesterday. On both eyes.

These crystal sunglasses are to die for.No u can not see out of them.They are prefect for lying on the beach or wearing on top of your head as hairwear.

They’re great sunglasses IF YOU DON’T WANT TO SEE.
{Source} 40 pointless dollars

Not the same, but still fun:

Baby Lunacy

suebob — Fri, 20 Jan 2012 16:10:35 +0000

As an official Bad Aunt, this is something I might give as a baby gift – Crocheted Baby “Shoes”

Let’s see:
Pointless and unnecessary – check
A pain to put on – check
Will get caught on things and cause fuss – check
The only thing they DON’T do is make loud, repetitive noises. Maybe the next version could feature some bells?

{Source} $10.62 worth of wiggly baby nightmare

Not the same, but still fun:

Christmas Shopping: Disappoint Your Gadget-Loving Friend

suebob — Sat, 17 Dec 2011 15:40:09 +0000

“I got you an iPod!”

Oh, no, it’s an eye-pod! Not only a bad pun, but kinda creepy, too, as a bonus.
{Source} Only $30, but the disappointment is priceless.

Not the same, but still fun:

All Balled Up

suebob — Mon, 12 Dec 2011 14:00:13 +0000

Sometimes don’t you just want to say:

PUT DOWN THE WIRE AND MAKE SOME REAL CRAFTS.

Those three were bad, but this one makes me furious:

This is a great necklace. Wire wrapped ball looks like a fabulous ball of yarn. Hanging from an 18 inch Sterling silver chain, it is sure to delight! The perfect gift for the knitter in your life!

It is NOT a fabulous ball of yarn. It is some damned wire rolled in a ball, and no matter how hard you try to make it something else, that is all it will ever be. Gah. You are DISMISSED.

{Source} As if.