I am horrible at buying Christmas gifts. I read far too much into my purchasing. Are they going to like this? What if they already have one? What are they going to think when they open this? Will they think this is ugly? Seriously. I am consumed with anxiety when it comes to Christmas shopping.

Sometimes I buy soaps and shampoo gift baskets for people and then wonder if they’re going to think that I think they stink and this is my way of telling them that they should definitely shower more.

See? Anxiety.

This one? This is a safe bet that someone would be a little pissed at me.

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I saw these…

…and couldn’t get the damn Turkey in the Straw song out of my head.

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When someone says cornucopia I envision corns. On your feet. Needless to say, I hate that word. I prefer Horn of Plenty.

Though, horn still sounds like corn. Whatevs.

But this? This horn of plenty is missing one thing.

The PLENTY.

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Happy Thanksgiving to our dear friends to the south!

May your guts expand with fowl and you fall asleep with your pants undone with friends and family close by.

Eat some pumpkin pie for me – extra whip puhlease!

Now!

On with the fugly turkeys!

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