Craftastrophe » Lovely Hair Accessories Possibly Made From Live Mammals

Hair There

suebob — Mon, 14 Jun 2010 00:16:07 +0000

You know that musical “Hair,” the one with the song that goes

“Gimme a head with hair, long beautiful hair
Shining, gleaming, steaming, flaxen, waxen
Give me down to there, hair!”

Yeah, that one. Not a fan. Hair freaks me out a little bit and I don’t want to sing about it and I certainly don’t want to wear – or look at someone wearing – this:

It is an amazing statement piece that feels wonderful to wear.
It is an oxidised copper neckpiece set with a weft of silky human hair approximately 60cm long. I can make them up in either red, blonde or black hair.

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Not the same, but still fun:

Bambi! Noooo!

flutter — Wed, 28 Apr 2010 13:00:55 +0000

We all know the scene. The forest is on fire, Bambi ans his mother are galloping away from the evil hunters in a search for freedom and KABLAM! Bambie’s mom gets it…

but I am pretty sure it wasn’t in the ass. $450 smackers can buy you this delightful little 3-d artistic representation of childhood’s most scarring movie experience. But, be warned, if you buy it you have to make this face:

blood dripping from the butt wound adds just a touch of whimsy,

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flutter is not entirely sure what just happened, but she is very very scared.

Not the same, but still fun:

Grandma’s Head Got Run Over By a Mack Truck

Stacy — Fri, 26 Mar 2010 17:04:51 +0000

Dear Grandmom,

Thank you for the $5 McDonald’s gift certificate for my birthday last month. You always remember my birthday with such generosity, so it’s only right that I use my hard earned beer and pot church donation money to return your graciousness.

I know that grandmas want to look fierce and the winters are getting colder every year, so I thought I’d get you a hat. A hat that looks like your head is on fire. Just looking at it will make you warm!

"I'm frightened. The lips behind me, what are they...Is this supposed to be some weird porno thing? Is my head a cherry? I...what is going on, here, young lady?"

Shit.

I saw this special, fuzzy blood-red hat and was immediately like, “WHOA! Grandma! I bet she’s all looking in the mirror every day at her sensible style and thinking, ‘Damn, yo. I needz me some goth shiz to really make me stand out at Bingo!’” So, um. Here. It’s even entitled, “Grandma Goes Goth Skullcap!”

Well…maybe. That’s a start. Not bad.

I know you like yarn a whole lot because you’re always doing crafts, so I picked this hat out for you because it looks like a really expensive ball of yarn exploded. Which would be cool, right? If something you like a bunch just exploded? I think that would be awesome.

Burn, baby, burn. Wait. No! Don't burn! That's Grandma's HEAD!

Ugh, no. Wrong track. Start over.

Mom says you’re really upset that your hair is silver and has been thinning, so

Okay, that’s really bad. THINK, DAMMIT!

You seem to like Ronald McDonald so much, I thought I’d buy you a hat so you can look like him. Coming separately is a tube of Avon lipstick in red.

Grandma's going as "Ronald McDonald's Hottie Mistress" this year for Halloween

No, that sounds…confrontational. Grandmas are sweet, and so what if she thinks $5 still buys a full meal. It’s the thought that counts.

Okay, here goes. Last try.

I think I read somewhere that head wounds are totes in for Spring ’10, so I bought you this with that in mind. I know you like to be fashionable, but I’ve been meaning to tell you that you might be needing some help with that. So…ta-da! Not only does it look like you have a nuclear head wound on your entire skull, when you turn to the side you can impress folks even more with the detail that makes it look like your actual brains are seeping out of your head! If they don’t call the ambulance and some young buck isn’t sealing his lips over yours to rescuisitate within 10 minutes, well. It will happen; how can it not? It looks like your brains. Seeping. Out of your head. Now that’s a story for bingo next week. So what if your head looks like the tip of an almost used Tampax? Fashion isn’t supposed to be easy or comfortable, like your seventeen pair of Easy Spirits.

BRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIINNNNS....seeping

Enjoy, and say hi to Granddad for me.

PS: The fashion designer is totes haute couture and has this to say about the skull: “The hat is enhanced with a ceramic button, shaped like a heart, with a skull-and-crossbones design. It is also in tones of red and black. I designed and painted the button; it is an original.” You know how on the teevee, a gangsta will sort of pull up his shirt to reveal the Glock tucked into his waistband? Awww…yeah, now you can kick it GothGangstaGranStyle and be all, “Oh? You don’t have a senior discount?” and then turn your head slightly to show the skull and crossbones and they’ll be all waving their hands and shaking, refilling your coffee for FREE, yo.

I KNOW you didn't just ask if I needed help across the street, BETCH.

Because that’s how Goth Grans roll.

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Anastacia “Jurgen Nation” Campbell writes about dumb shit all the time on her blog, and you can also follow her on Twitter and stuff.

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Hey you guys! Like my John Wayne Gacy clown painting?

flutter — Wed, 10 Mar 2010 14:00:38 +0000

Hey you guys! I was pulling the plastic flamingos out of my front yard to make this headdress…is that two words? Head dress? I don’t know, you guys this ain’t a dress for your head but it sure is pretty! So, anyway, you guys I was pulling the pink plastic flamingos out of my front yard to make this “piece of art” when I realized…This art oughta be photographed in front of MY favorite piece of art. I present to you guys my totally rad headdress, photographed in front of the painting that John Wayne Gacy sent to me as a thank you for the many erotic letters I sent to him about my clown fetish. Etsy made me take down the erotic poem I originally had with this listing, so I had to change it to this:

This piece is a one of a kind. Where do I start. It is a headband with a huge bow on top made of pink, orange, and green florescent tulle, with a doll’s head in the middle. The doll has a sequened crown and there are two flamingos on each side of the bow. The headband is covered in blue tinsel material. It is not heavy though and will not weigh your head down. Anywhere you wear this to, you will be noticed. It is truly a piece of art and this is the only one I have ever made like it.

What I didn’t say is that this piece is meant to be worn with the lingerie that I made with the melted barbie heads on the nips.

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Thanks, Cari!

flutter writes on her personal blog byflutter, sometimes.

Not the same, but still fun:

I Don’t Even Know What a Hair Stick Is. But These Are Frackin’ Weird.

Karen Sugarpants — Mon, 08 Feb 2010 13:00:00 +0000

Thanks Maegan!

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Some more like this one:

Excuse me, would you happen to have an extra hair comb I could borrow?

sam {temptingmama} — Sun, 19 Jul 2009 13:32:43 +0000

This one’s for you our wonderful readers!

CAPTION THIS!

{source} also featured on BoingBoing

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I Now Have An Incredible Urge to Go to a Pride Parade

sam {temptingmama} — Fri, 29 May 2009 02:24:54 +0000

I don’t know that the head piece is even the best part. The rainbow feathered hat / wig / dead macaw mulched in a lawn mower and tossed on his head looks fun and intriguing… but I think I am totally taken in by the rainbow lipstick. LOL

Not to mention the reflection in the mirror showing the ginormous boobies he’s wearing.

At least… I think he’s a he…

From the listing:

These elaborate one-of-a-kind sculptural creations are made to order with durable construction. All feather headpieces come with matching feather eyebrows (you can eyelash glue them over your real brows).

Glue the eyebrows to my eyebrows? That’s just asking for trouble when they have to come off isn’t it?

Regardless, I am going to ask for the entire ensemble for this year’s Gay Pride Parade.

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Please know that I am not making fun of the gay community. I love gay people and pride parades!

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Looking For A Mother’s Day Gift? How About a Family Portrait?

sam {temptingmama} — Fri, 08 May 2009 20:16:38 +0000

Are you eating? You may want to put that food down, just for a moment.

This is a great follow up to the past three posts, particularly at about 1:39.

Enjoy the video, have a great weekend and Happy Mother’s Day!

I honest to goodness asked for a family portrait for Mother’s Day. Now I cringe at the thought.

You’ll see why….

P.S. The more she says “hair” the more I want to punch her. Just sayin’.

Thanks Kathryn!

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Aren’t Groundhogs Just Glorified Gophers?

sam {temptingmama} — Mon, 02 Feb 2009 14:53:34 +0000

Groundhog Day, the day of the year where we rip a helpless, fat animal from the confines of its warm and cozy hole only to shake it about in freezing cold to see if the sun radiates off its back.

Sounds like I could be describing something entirely different, doesn’t it?

All for human entertainment we subject these useless fat animals to cameras, lights, screams and jeers from throngs of people who surround them hoping for a prediction of a shorter winter.

If you want to know if winter’s going to be shorter, go stand outside and see if your shadow is visible, works the same, no? Silly human.

Know what I’d love to see?

That stupid man dressed in a tux and top hat that gets attacked by a rabid Cujo-like gopher groundhog.

Then I would wear it in my hair.

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Looking For A Way To Advertise That You’re STD Free?

sam {temptingmama} — Wed, 19 Nov 2008 02:30:51 +0000

Don’t be confused by the screws and metal in the background. This is a HAIR BARRETTE.

The barrette is made out of recycled cardboard and I added a 2.25″ silver french clip/barrette underneath it, so there is a natural curve. It is very sturdy yet lightweight so it won’t hurt your head while wearing it. I lacquered several layers on top to seal the work, but it is not waterproof so please be careful.

Hands off people. IT’S MINE*.

You? You can have this one:

I saw this quote in a magazine and I knew I just had to use it on one of my barrettes! The man’s face in the picture is not messed up! It is the glare from the camera!

!!!!!!!!1!!11!

I came across a 3-ring picture that consists of a vintage photo of a young female back in the late 50′s or early 60′s, then a young married couple on their wedding day, and then a present day elderly couple holding each other. It just combines the quote and the pictures together.
I decoupaged all these designs onto a barrette where I added a blue water drops paper to it.

You’re welcome.

*Wait. Um. I don’t have The Herp. I guess it’s only funny if you’re not infected with The Herp. Because I can’t imagine someone with The Herp ever wearing this. If they did wear it and someone knew they had The Herp and were advertising that they were break out free? Um. AWWWKWARD.

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