Craftastrophe » Guess This Mess!

Excuse Me, Your Bookmark Needs a Brazilian

suebob — Wed, 08 Feb 2012 13:57:02 +0000

Bookmarks are one of those little things in life that make a statement about what kind of person you are. The deeply pragmatic go with an old receipt; the sentimental with a beloved note. Others have some kind of complicated thing that clips on or has a chain or something. But what does it say about you when you have a completely random collage topped by what looks like a hank of unruly pubic hair?

{Source} $5, which you could just save toward a wax job

Not the same, but still fun:

One Small Problem

suebob — Thu, 26 Jan 2012 14:05:45 +0000

You might as well wear the Dog Eye Patch from yesterday. On both eyes.

These crystal sunglasses are to die for.No u can not see out of them.They are prefect for lying on the beach or wearing on top of your head as hairwear.

They’re great sunglasses IF YOU DON’T WANT TO SEE.
{Source} 40 pointless dollars

Not the same, but still fun:

All Balled Up

suebob — Mon, 12 Dec 2011 14:00:13 +0000

Sometimes don’t you just want to say:

PUT DOWN THE WIRE AND MAKE SOME REAL CRAFTS.

Those three were bad, but this one makes me furious:

This is a great necklace. Wire wrapped ball looks like a fabulous ball of yarn. Hanging from an 18 inch Sterling silver chain, it is sure to delight! The perfect gift for the knitter in your life!

It is NOT a fabulous ball of yarn. It is some damned wire rolled in a ball, and no matter how hard you try to make it something else, that is all it will ever be. Gah. You are DISMISSED.

{Source} As if.

Not the same, but still fun:

Do-it-Yourself Craftastrophe

suebob — Wed, 07 Dec 2011 20:14:31 +0000

First, go look at this:

A holiday crafts project!

Here’s my favorite part:

And can you tell what they’re made of? Styrofoam and plastic spoons!

I could. I could tell right away.

My other favorite part is that you need to snap the bottom of each plastic spoon off without breaking the spoon or slicing off a body part. Good luck with that. I know I would end up in the ER. Your mileage may vary.

I’m kind of sorry to make fun of this, because the person seems so good-hearted and earnest. And I can relate – I’ve been there. You create something that you spend A LOT of time on, so much time that you fall in love with it, maybe a bit TOO much in love…and it is still just a styro ball with spoons stuck in it.
Spray-painted gold. (Did I ever tell you about my mom’s gold spray paint phase? OMG everything. Sticks, canisters, pine cones, baskets…Because anything looks Klassy if it is gold! “Oh, wow, Mom, I thought you actually bought SOLID GOLD bookends!”)

So. I’m not trying to be mean. Ok, a little mean. But mostly what I’m trying to do is to save you from having your relatives make fun of your spoon ball behind your back for years to come. Trust me on this one.

Not the same, but still fun:

Cleanliness is next to normalcy

suebob — Wed, 30 Nov 2011 14:00:14 +0000

Hey, emo girl! I have an idea for you:

Try cleaning your rug more than once every 20 years and maybe some people will come over. Just a thought.
{Source} Only $4.00. Hand sanitizer extra.

Some more like this one:

For the minimalist

suebob — Thu, 31 Mar 2011 17:00:59 +0000

I KNOW it has to be hard to carve a stone ball. It must have taken you a long, long time to carve a stone ball.

It started as an ordinary rock. Thousands of thunks later, it takes shape as a glorious globe. One wrong thunk of the stone mason’s hammer and it becomes a dud, broken in half. Inspired by the mysterious stone spheres of Costa Rica, Las Bolas. Energy, exercise, meditation, contemplation, striation appreciation… what will you use your stone ball for?

Thank you for having the looney idea to turn a stone into a sphere and taking the time to do it. I, however, feel no compulsion to spend $425 on it. Thank you, and goodnight.

{Source}

Suebob is tired of balls and the people who have them.

Not the same, but still fun:

Why Didn’t I Think of That #27

suebob — Fri, 04 Mar 2011 05:31:49 +0000

Dang me – when my dryer did this to some of my clothes, I paid $75 to have a guy fix it.

I had no idea I could shred them further and charge suckas $69 each for them.

Shredded panels with long tails makes the shirt look messy and stylish.

I suck at being messy and stylish all at the same time.

{Source}

Ok, to tell the truth, Suebob does suck at being stylish. Being messy, she’s pretty good at.

Not the same, but still fun:

Has anyone seen my salad?

flutter — Wed, 23 Feb 2011 05:52:47 +0000

I could have sworn I left it right here on the counter. Where did it go?

Oh, there it is. Now if I could just find my croutons….

Sourcealicious

Not the same, but still fun:

Do not tell Jenny The Bloggess about this one

suebob — Thu, 30 Dec 2010 18:00:52 +0000

Just what everyone needs. A horse head. A really, really BIG horse head.

As so often happened when I was looking at photos to contribute to the hilariously obscene website Desperately Seeking Something (NSFW!), I became focused on the background more than the star of the show.

WHAT is going on in this house, people? Is it a hoarder house or a crazy artist house or just a terminal case of terrible bachelor housekeeping?? Inquiring minds want to know.

(No description of the artwork is given, but it is $1450 and I think it has something to do with Mardi Gras).

{Source}

Suebob prefers her animals life-sized. Or smaller.

Not the same, but still fun:

From Russia, For Love, Probably

Elly Lou (BugginWord) — Mon, 27 Dec 2010 14:00:30 +0000

I know it’s the season for introspection and all, but rather than looking into your heart to find your goals for the New Year, how about looking into a stuffed animal’s pink, plush rectum?

To be fair, it might not be a rectum. It has teeth, so obviously it’s a vagina. Maybe I need to work on my Russian.

Thanks, Julia!

{Source}

Elly Lou is awful glad the ukulele Santa brought her doesn’t have any teeth. Or fur. Or pink orifices.