Bookmarks are one of those little things in life that make a statement about what kind of person you are. The deeply pragmatic go with an old receipt; the sentimental with a beloved note. Others have some kind of complicated thing that clips on or has a chain or something. But what does it say about you when you have a completely random collage topped by what looks like a hank of unruly pubic hair?

{Source} $5, which you could just save toward a wax job

You might as well wear the Dog Eye Patch from yesterday. On both eyes.

These crystal sunglasses are to die for.No u can not see out of them.They are prefect for lying on the beach or wearing on top of your head as hairwear.

They’re great sunglasses IF YOU DON’T WANT TO SEE.
{Source} 40 pointless dollars

Sometimes don’t you just want to say:

PUT DOWN THE WIRE AND MAKE SOME REAL CRAFTS.

Those three were bad, but this one makes me furious:

This is a great necklace. Wire wrapped ball looks like a fabulous ball of yarn. Hanging from an 18 inch Sterling silver chain, it is sure to delight! The perfect gift for the knitter in your life!

It is NOT a fabulous ball of yarn. It is some damned wire rolled in a ball, and no matter how hard you try to make it something else, that is all it will ever be. Gah. You are DISMISSED.

{Source} As if.

First, go look at this:

A holiday crafts project!

Here’s my favorite part:

And can you tell what they’re made of? Styrofoam and plastic spoons!

I could. I could tell right away.

My other favorite part is that you need to snap the bottom of each plastic spoon off without breaking the spoon or slicing off a body part. Good luck with that. I know I would end up in the ER. Your mileage may vary.

I’m kind of sorry to make fun of this, because the person seems so good-hearted and earnest. And I can relate – I’ve been there. You create something that you spend A LOT of time on, so much time that you fall in love with it, maybe a bit TOO much in love…and it is still just a styro ball with spoons stuck in it.
Spray-painted gold. (Did I ever tell you about my mom’s gold spray paint phase? OMG everything. Sticks, canisters, pine cones, baskets…Because anything looks Klassy if it is gold! “Oh, wow, Mom, I thought you actually bought SOLID GOLD bookends!”)

So. I’m not trying to be mean. Ok, a little mean. But mostly what I’m trying to do is to save you from having your relatives make fun of your spoon ball behind your back for years to come. Trust me on this one.

Hey, emo girl! I have an idea for you:

Try cleaning your rug more than once every 20 years and maybe some people will come over. Just a thought.
{Source} Only $4.00. Hand sanitizer extra.