Sprinkle a little of this; add some tissue paper here, drizzle some paint and VOILA!

An old, upcycled collage of the slightly fetish variety…

SUPPORT: cardstock, mounted on posterboard

MEDIUM: ephemera, tape, stickers, fishnet, netting, nail polish, markers, staples, gluestick

APPROXIMATE SIZE: 12″ high by 7 1/8″ wide (30.5 by 18.4 cms.)

DATE COMPLETED: March 18th, 2008

Untreated

Not from a smoke-free environment.

Huh. Ya don’t say.

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I’ve really developed a penchant for crochet.

There aren’t a lot of pieces I dislike anymore. Hell, even doilies are on my nice list.

There’s something to be said for the talent that goes into a lot of the pieces people create. The meticulous and painstaking care put into some of their work is clearly is evident.

Some? It’s definitely there, but just not as easy to see.

Sometimes the phrase “Beauty is in the eye of the beholder” just doesn’t do justice.

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I just can’t think of one occasion for where this may be suitable.

Guess that just makes me a straight edged stick in the mud, because really? I mean. You could wear mold just about anywhere. Right?

Don’t get me wrong. It’s cute, and well crafted; just… uh…. WHY?

I just can’t decide if it’s the moldy bread or the intestinal tract I like better.

Another thing…When I first read the dimensions I saw 4.5 and immediately thought inches (even though it’s actually centimeters) – and 4.5 inches? THAT’S HUGE. You’d be walkin’ around like Fava Flav with those intestines dangling from a gaudy chain.

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Then you could be all: FLLLAAVVVVAAA FLAAAAV. But not.

P.S. Flava Flav is 50!!!?! WTF!?

P.P.S. I feel old.

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I imagine walking down a busy city street on a brisk cool morning. Cloaked in my trench coat and a hat, the leaves crunch under my feet as the season’s first frost has crystallized the fallen, orange and red.

Then it happens.

The birds.

They start bopping their heads as their skinny little legs shuffle their fat over stuffed bodies in my direction.

One takes flight.

Then another, and another…

My hat!!!

I suppose it’s really a good option for all those left over pieces of yarn….

Also? So something I could make.

I have NO talent whatsoever – but that’s neither here nor there because this ‘pattern’ is one ANYONE could use, right?

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“She never uses this one. I bet she won’t even notice it’s gone… This is going to be so awesome! She’s going to love it. This and the cutlery from the china cabinet? She hasn’t used that in forever! So amazing. I’m brilliant!”

:::

“Honey! Have you seen my tea pot? The Jones’ are going to be here soon! I need the good tea pot. I can’t serve Betty tea is this old thing. I’ll be the talk of the euchre club. – Speaking of the tea pot, all my cutlery is gone too!”

“Nope, sweetie! Haven’t seen them.”

*whispers* Ah crap! Crap! Crap! Crap!

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