Remember sweetie, you’re not to touch mommy’s special Work Drink. She needs those Work Drinks to make money and put a roof over your head.

And Jenn? LOVE HER. She sent us this email and I nearly peed when I read her comment:

Nothing says ‘Mommy drinks too much’ like a Big Sister bottle cap necklace. *snort*

But wait! There’s MORE!!

If you’re a Twilight fan – which, um HELLO! Team Edward! – there’s a butt ton of bottlecap necklaces available for you!

{source}

Ever since we posted the cute strap on crotchet penis and oneflewtoofar commented on its origin, I became even more curious. I mean, they mentioned there was a set of boobs too. How could you not be interested?!

Even tho they’re flat as pancakes (as opposed to long saggy mom boobs, which I affectionately call oranges in tennis socks.) (Or beaver tails.) they’re pretty damn cute.

I believe there may even be a nipple ring on that left one.

But! Not only are these HILARIOUS! and CUTE! they also serve a purpose. Boobs and Dinks were created by Shannon Gerard as a means to bring forth the importance of Self Detection.

(finger dinks)

On Shannon’s site she describes them perfectly.

These plush crocheted breasts and penises have little lumps sewn inside that can be found by following instructions in the accompanying booklets. The booklets also teach you how to perform monthly self-examinations of your own precious privates!

Using the softness and humour of these BOOBS AND DINKS, I hope to eliminate some of the fear surrounding monthly exams and encourage people to check themselves often. Breast and testicular cancers are both treatable and often curable, if you find the problem early enough.

So thank you to oneflewtoofar for letting us know about Shannon.

And to Shannon: thank you for doing what you’re doing.

Not to mention, props for being a local gal! T-dot represent!

I think I may order my boys a couple dinks.

Because it’s not like I don’t have enough dink in this house already.

But! Remember: Just because they actually serve a purpose doesn’t mean they can’t be a Craftastrophe! Because we’re all about Teh Funneh and the Creative too!

Head on over to Shannon’s site and grab some boobs and dinks.

P.S. Every time I try and type “crocheted” I write “crotched”. Not that it’s entirely wrong, but still: wrong.

Ever since I first saw Paige Hemmis from Extreme Makeover: Home Edition with her pink hard hat, I have been envious.

I need it for work.

Seriously. I do. I mean, I know The Guys already know when Mmmmmm GIIIIRRRLLLL arrives on site. Our boobs give us away immediately. Then all the eyes turn as their brains tell them FRESH MAIT.

It’s true. You’ll just have to believe me.

Like those guys standing at the top of the ramp for their coffee break? They’re not standing there because that’s where the coffee is: it’s because TEH GIRLZ walk past up there, not down in the hole.

True story!

But.. then I saw this:

Artist explanation:

We had a really terrible hurricane in 2004 named Ivan. It destroyed about 80% of the building where I worked. Anytime we had to enter the building we had to wear hard hats – which was really gross for me to wear one that had been on someone’s sweaty head. So I asked for a new one and they were so nice to give me one. The very first day I had it one of the construction workers asked to borrow it. I removed the foam off the band so it would be easy to clean and sanitize when I got it back. Then I took it home and painted it. It turned out cute and there wasn’t another one like it on the military base. And, the guys didn’t ask to borrow it again either!! Can’t imagine why!

I wonder if she’ll put gerbera daisies on mine for me.

{source}

Craigslist is a beautiful thing.  Need a sprinkler?

From the listing:

I built this guy last Friday & used him to water the lawn all day Saturday. People driving past, gawked at him like they had never seen a guy vomiting a steady stream of water all over the place. I put an ad to offer to sell him on here under “arts & crafts” on Sunday, but didn’t get any takers. I did get one very nice peice of fan mail from someone called the Dragon Planter and of course a couple peices of spam. At 1st, I thought I might just keep him, but then thought somebody else might be more “into him” then I am. So am advertising again, and udating this ad on Friday the 17th.
He is life size & made from articulated steel rods w/a detachable ceramic head. The top of which is actually a planter that can have plants planted in it.
He can be posed in pretty much any postion a real human can pose in.
He would be good for filling a swimming pool.
I think if you dressed him like a cowboy & wired him to the fence, he’d make a pretty good stock tank filler too.
The kids would probably like to run through his barf on hot days.
You could put him in or near a pond & use a recirculating pump instead of hooking him to the garden hose.
You could dress him in womens clothes & put a wig on him. Making it a lady puker instead.
I can drive him down to Spokane for another $20, [must be prepaid by money order or check issued from bank of America only] and elsewhere possibly.
Please excuse the poor quality of the photos. I am horrible at taking pictures.

Perfect for the college crowd, yes?

Thanks Justine!

{source}

This puts a whole new meaning to the phrase “walk all over me”…

At first I thought it was a blow up doll. I mean, we have featured those before.

But it’s not.

It. Is. So. Not.

The pain staking amount of work that was put into this project is truly awe inspiring. The features? The hair? The eyes?

AMAZING.

I’d love to put this in my living room and see the faces of my guests as they turn the corner and see a skin rug staring back at them, mouth a gape.

But I’m pretty sure it would also land me in a padded room after my basement was inspected for a secret well complete with a pulley system and a basket filled with lotions.

It rubs the lotion on its skin. It does this whenever it is told.

It rubs the lotion on its skin or else it gets the hose again.

Now it places the lotion in the basket.

It places the lotion in the basket.

PUT THE F*CKING LOTION IN THE BASKET!

*shudder*

Chrissy Conant’s talent is truly amazing. Creepy, but amazing. Go check out her portfolio, especially Chrissy Caviar. Um… WOW.

{source}