My friend Stephanie is super pregnant. With her baby shower coming up this month, and her due date growing ever closer, I’ve got babies on the brain. And (as evidenced by last week’s bloody onesie) that’s not a good thing, because the craft world has proven a scary place for infants.
Take today’s monstrosity, for example:
Yeah, I wouldn’t be able to figure out what that was if I were you either. But read on…
(more…)
I could have sworn I left it right here on the counter. Where did it go?
Oh, there it is. Now if I could just find my croutons….
Sourcealicious
Posted by flutter
on February 23, 2011
Animals May Have Been Harmed in the Making of This Craftastrophe,
CRAPtacular craftastrophes,
Disturbing Things We Should Never Own,
For The Insane,
Guess This Mess!,
I Want to Punch a Crafter,
Jewelry Not Found in Great Aunt Mary's Vanity,
Ornamental Psychosis,
Stranger Than a Duck Wearing a Thong,
Um. WTF?,
You Can Stop Making Crafts Now |
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This is inspired by Dexter and by the idea that murderous newborns are funny.
Um, clearly you have missed the point of Dexter, and do not understand the word “funny.”
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Renee is speechless.
This is a “funny” greeting card. But only in the sense of funny-peculiar, not funny-ha-ha.
FRONT SAYS:
Please stop laughing. This is a serious matter. I almost cocked. Shit. I meant to write choked, really. I almost choked.
Anyhoodley-doodle.
So you know how I haven’t gotten any in a while? It’s, well, beginning to get really hard to function like a normal human being. The office sent me home from work yesterday because of suspicions that I was humping company property. Which was only a tiny bit true.
Last night I wanted a snack. I went to the kitchen, and there it was, waiting for me. Mocking me in all its eight inches of perfectly proportioned glory.
A banana. It stared at me like the one-eyed beast. I felt drawn to the wang-shaped fruit, simultaneously angered and yet mildly aroused.
As I drew the peel back from the soft flesh of the banana, I remembered the last time I had been so near a throbbing male member. Closing my eyes, I took in as much of the banana as I could. All the memories of naked bodies and hands in my hair came flooding back to me.
And then I gagged on the damn thing.
INSIDE SAYS:
I knew I could tell you about the banana situation, because that’s what friends are for. You’ve always been such a wonderful friend.
Now please go to my place and get rid of all demon penis fruit.
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Suebob is a desperate single person, but still doesn’t find bananas appeeling.
God dammit, what the fuck is this?
Is that another animal hat?
Is your head supposed to be going into its ass, or coming out of it?
Wait, what?
It’s not just a hat?
Alice is a fluffyAustralian Koala wearable puppet hat. Wearing her own Trashion hat, made from ‘Plarn’.
Totally unique.
One Of A Kind.
A ‘double take’ hat-puppet,it was my entry in the 2008 Alice Springs Beanie Festival’s International Competition.
‘Alice’ won a close second in the People’s Choice Award, narrowly missing first by 4 votes.
Alice has her own hat also, which is crocheted out of a recycled rain poncho, this attaches on over her ears, and can be taken off, or put back on
With your hand in the head area, you can manipulate her mouth to ‘eat’ the leaf.
Wait, now I’m just more confused!
Since when is there an international beanie festival?
What the fuck is plarn?
And why would I ever pay $500 for a puppet to wear on my head?!
Dammit, Australia, you have won the international crazy crafter competition once again.
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Renee likes plarn on toast.
