Craftastrophe » For The Insane

There Be Dragons

suebob — Sat, 19 May 2012 13:50:36 +0000

When I saw this, I yelled “NOOOOOOOO!” This stuff is not coming back, is it? Look, I lived through the 1960s (well, I was a little kid) and it WAS NOT PRETTY. Do not go back there, kids. I beg of you. Those fashions are what made people use all those drugs. They did it to forget.

{Source} Only $6 but you are legally required to wear Patchouli oil if you put this on your head.

Not the same, but still fun:

Holy Snacksifix

suebob — Thu, 17 May 2012 23:53:19 +0000

Not for use in exorcisms unless you want the demons to laugh at you.

{Source} $25, eternal salvation not included

Not the same, but still fun:

Spilling Your Guts

suebob — Thu, 29 Mar 2012 14:41:22 +0000

Ok, ok, I feel sorry for you already. Now go be all emo somewhere else with your broken, smashed, ripped-open heart.

{Source} $12. Therapy sessions extra.

Not the same, but still fun:

Branding is Everything

suebob — Tue, 27 Mar 2012 13:10:52 +0000

I don’t care. No matter how much you try to call this “human ivory,” it’s still fingernail clippings to me. No, seriously. Fingernail clippings.

Also? Get that thing out of my house.
{Source} $200 and steam cleaner rental for where I just tossed my lunch on the carpet.

Not the same, but still fun:

Expect a Call from Homer Simpson

suebob — Wed, 01 Feb 2012 14:00:02 +0000

Mmmmm donuts.

I think Marge could make Homer a very, very happy man with this.
{Source} Just $25. Also available by the baker’s dozen.

Not the same, but still fun:

Baby Lunacy

suebob — Fri, 20 Jan 2012 16:10:35 +0000

As an official Bad Aunt, this is something I might give as a baby gift – Crocheted Baby “Shoes”

Let’s see:
Pointless and unnecessary – check
A pain to put on – check
Will get caught on things and cause fuss – check
The only thing they DON’T do is make loud, repetitive noises. Maybe the next version could feature some bells?

{Source} $10.62 worth of wiggly baby nightmare

Not the same, but still fun:

Short Listed

suebob — Sat, 31 Dec 2011 05:21:16 +0000

New Years Resolution #1: Do not wear pants that look like this.

Well, that was easy.
{Source} $65. Clown makeup extra.

Not the same, but still fun:

Quick, call Operation Rescue

suebob — Wed, 28 Dec 2011 14:00:50 +0000

It’s a catnip toy. Imagine the surprised expressions on the faces of your Bible Study group when your Siamese, Mittens, comes out with this in his mouth.

{Source} $12.00 worth of entertainment

Not the same, but still fun:

All Balled Up

suebob — Mon, 12 Dec 2011 14:00:13 +0000

Sometimes don’t you just want to say:

PUT DOWN THE WIRE AND MAKE SOME REAL CRAFTS.

Those three were bad, but this one makes me furious:

This is a great necklace. Wire wrapped ball looks like a fabulous ball of yarn. Hanging from an 18 inch Sterling silver chain, it is sure to delight! The perfect gift for the knitter in your life!

It is NOT a fabulous ball of yarn. It is some damned wire rolled in a ball, and no matter how hard you try to make it something else, that is all it will ever be. Gah. You are DISMISSED.

{Source} As if.

Not the same, but still fun:

OCD Fright Night

suebob — Fri, 09 Dec 2011 15:57:10 +0000

I’m not the biggest clean freak in the world. Anyone who has ever seen my fridge knows that.

But THIS? VINTAGE feather duster???

Paying someone $30 to drag a bunch of germs of the ages into my house?? Excuse me. I have to go get the hand sanitizer and bleach.

{Source}