Craftastrophe » Disturbing Things We Should Never Own

Get a job. No, a better job.

suebob — Tue, 08 May 2012 22:34:25 +0000

Fingernail hoarding box, topped with real fingernails.

I am a man who has reached his last resort of selling fingernails on the internet. With your generosity, I am hopeful that a man armed with a heap-o-debt, a low to average level of intelligence, and no marketable skills, can achieve the American Dream armed only with a spark of creativity and a soul overflowing with weirdness.

{Source} $1776. No, seriously.

Not the same, but still fun:

Things Not to Put in Your Carry-on Baggage

suebob — Sun, 06 May 2012 16:01:55 +0000

Soap on a rope, or airport-clearing novelty item?

Also handy for giving the combat veterans in your life a jolt of PTSD.

{Source} $10 and several years in a Supermax prison

Not the same, but still fun:

Lookie Here

suebob — Sat, 28 Apr 2012 14:35:13 +0000

This bracelet is perfect for your dream wedding. Your dream ZOMBIE wedding.

{Source} $120. Not found at Tiffany.

Not the same, but still fun:

Let Us Now Be Afraid of Famous Men

suebob — Thu, 26 Apr 2012 13:56:29 +0000

George Carlin, looking PISSED. I don’t think I’d want to share my home with him.

{Source}

Not the same, but still fun:

Wait, Weight

suebob — Sun, 15 Apr 2012 01:12:49 +0000

I want to go eat a carton of Chubby Hubby just so I DON’T end up looking like this miserable bobble-headed little bony wretch. And I don’t even LIKE Chubby Hubby.

This slimming fridge magnet is designed to reduce the excessive amount of trips to the fridge. Whilst it does not claim any magical powers it serves as an extra reminder of “the big goal” whenever you are lurking into the kitchen.

{Source} $8 and all the pie you can stuff into your pie-hole

Not the same, but still fun:

Sweet Dreams

suebob — Wed, 11 Apr 2012 23:01:00 +0000

This shop is full of horrors, but this one is my favorite – a screen-printed eye mask:

But on the other hand, it might have a practical use: say someone breaks into your home, intent on nefarious purposes. You pop up from bed wearing this. Poof! Intruder is OUT OF THERE (and will probably never attempt a home invasion again). So this thing may actually reduce the crime rate. Get one and do your part.

{Source} Only $15 – how can you resist, you CrimeStopper?

Not the same, but still fun:

Next up? Flying Monkey Wallpaper

suebob — Wed, 04 Apr 2012 13:05:08 +0000

Oh, sure, you home design people are ooh-ing and ah-ing. This charming wooden apple tree bed says “Don’t sit under the apple tree with anyone else but me,” etc. Off to slumber in the fairy tale woods.

For you, I have 2 comments:
1. Some of us will not quickly forget “Wizard of Oz” and those evil apple trees
2. That’s a jungle gym for spiders if I ever saw one

{Source} Somewhat over $12,000 US, plus all the cans of RAID you can fit in your car

Not the same, but still fun:

When Good Crafters Go Bad

suebob — Mon, 02 Apr 2012 15:00:52 +0000

This person has some really cute dog tags in their shop – little cutouts of different pooch breeds with grommets for eyes. Then she veers off the path into Zombieland:

Pet Tag Dog Tag ID Artisan Charm Zombie Head Dead Ghoul Brain Custom Circle Rivets Stamped Keychain Pendant Pet Lover

Really? Zombie Brain? Audience, what do YOU think it looks like?

{Source} $15 and a whole lot of explaining to do to all those people who say “What IS that?”

Not the same, but still fun:

Branding is Everything

suebob — Tue, 27 Mar 2012 13:10:52 +0000

I don’t care. No matter how much you try to call this “human ivory,” it’s still fingernail clippings to me. No, seriously. Fingernail clippings.

Also? Get that thing out of my house.
{Source} $200 and steam cleaner rental for where I just tossed my lunch on the carpet.

Not the same, but still fun:

Forgive me for what I am about to do

suebob — Thu, 22 Mar 2012 03:24:49 +0000

I’m sorry. I’ll find something cute and furry tomorrow, I promise. Or not.

What room do you suggest putting it in, and why? Show your work
{Source} Only $25. Makes a great gift for that one sister-in-law you can’t stand