Craftastrophe » Disturbing Things We Should Never Own

Mah Frienz R Gonna Be Sew Dang Jelus

Karen Sugarpants — Thu, 19 Nov 2009 16:42:41 +0000

I love mah teef necklace, dontchu?

See what I did there? Dontchu? Don’t chew?

Thanks Kerrie!

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Not the same, but still fun:

Profess your love for Edward Cullen. Everyone’s doing it.

sam {temptingmama} — Tue, 17 Nov 2009 18:37:31 +0000

I am Team Psycho-stalker-pervert-old-man-vampire-cold-as-ice-Edward lover while Karen is all about the fuzzy warm drooling hound werewolf Jacob.

As much as we love the books and are braving the masses on the pre-release night of New Moon, we are on opposite teams when it comes to vampire and werewolf hotness.

I do believe we are on the same team when it comes to creep-tastic wall decals…

which look like they’ve been written in blood…

profess their longing for a long dead teenage boy who could (**SPOILER**) rip you apart with one shot of his Man Spirit (even though, HELLO! He’s dead. I mean, come on! He can make Man Spirit still? and babies? Pffft) …

isn’t that kinda like selling your soul to the devil or something?!

P.S. Honey, you best be careful. You are thisclose to showing Edward your lady bits.

Because really? Who doesn’t want a gigantor head of an angst ridden prima donna actor who will now forever carry the persona of a glittery vampire?

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Not the same, but still fun:

Oh, Mr. Sandman

sam {temptingmama} — Tue, 17 Nov 2009 00:52:10 +0000

I think it’s fair to say, I’ll NEVER sleep again.

This is a photograph done from a altered art image. A sexy curving lady summons up a man to bring her wishes to life. If you look at her raised hand you will see a radiation of gold light from her wand. I love the thought of women just summoning up men. lol must be the sexist in me.

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Not the same, but still fun:

Gawd, I hope they wash their hands

sam {temptingmama} — Sat, 14 Nov 2009 17:00:21 +0000

The part that scares me the most? The MOTHER. EFFING. STICKER.

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Not the same, but still fun:

How NOT to freak out your guest

sam {temptingmama} — Wed, 11 Nov 2009 17:00:43 +0000

Step 1: DON’T FEED YOUR GUESTS MEAT ON A TRAY LIKE THIS.

NOTE: If you’re so inclined to use a tray such as this, maybe stack the meat over the part that says ‘Gacy’. Unless of course it’s a theme party in dedication of John Wayne Gacy. In that case, have at’er you crazy kids.

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EDITOR’S NOTE: You know, upon viewing this again; I am almost certain that’s a Styrofoam meat tray from the grocery store covered in saran. Ummm… nothing like bringing some necrotizing fasciitis to the party.

Not the same, but still fun:

Seduction: Swan Style

sam {temptingmama} — Mon, 09 Nov 2009 17:00:04 +0000

Leda and the Swan is allegedly* a motif from Greek mythology, in which Zeus allegedly came to Leda in the form of a swan. Zeus allegedly took the form of a swan and allegedly raped or seduced Leda on the same night she allegedly slept with her husband, King Tyndareus. She allegedly laid two eggs from which the children hatched.

Uhhhh, What the WHAT?!

Have you ever been attacked by a swan before? Dude, those things are VICIOUS. They hiss, they hit and they bite.

When they come for you, RUN.

DON’T JUST LAY THERE WAITING TO BE TAKEN! RUUUUUNN!

Pretty, right? Well, it can be yours for a mere ten thousand dollars.

Get your pennies out!

*I say allegedly because we don’t know for certain and dude, I’m not going to get attacked by a swan version of Zeus.

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Not the same, but still fun:

I used to like chenille….

sam {temptingmama} — Thu, 05 Nov 2009 15:00:37 +0000

Sweet Baby Jeebus!!

Someone didn’t get their Swine Zombie Flu shot…

Thanks Liz!!

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Not the same, but still fun:

Shootin’ blanks

sam {temptingmama} — Tue, 03 Nov 2009 00:45:09 +0000

From the listing:

Whether you’re feeling like a peacemaker or wish you could take out a little bit of aggression*, everyone wishes they had a gun sometimes.

Named for the famous frontierswoman, prostitute, and professional scout, Calamity Jane, best known for being an acquaintance to Wild Bill Hickok. This gun is made from electric pink fabric with black handle detail and 2 white bones on either side.

Hand-sewn. Actual purchases will vary slightly.

Measures approx. 8 inches in length.

* Plush guns are less likely to get you sentenced to life in prison.

Maybe it’s the Canadian in me, but I can’t say I’ve ever been disappointed to NOT have a gun… until now…

Too bad there wasn’t some plush bullets – with glitter, they HAVE to have glitter – I could throw while I pretend to shoot at a passerby.

Thanks Reba Jane!

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Not the same, but still fun:

Kill Me If This Ever Becomes a Trend

Karen Sugarpants — Fri, 30 Oct 2009 12:30:17 +0000

America’s Late Night TV has certainly wrought upon us trends that I never ever thought would become popular. Take the Snuggie for instance. This backwards robe has sold over 56 kajibbillion since it first graced ad slots between old reruns of Three’s Company and late night soft porn. Ahem.

When I saw these, erm, Handerpants, I laughed right out loud. I can’t imagine who in their right mind would wear these, anywhere, for any reason.

Except maybe Gary Busey. He’s always running his fingers through that mess of hair and he is, well, a shithead of the highest order. See what I did there? Shithead? Underwear gloves? Heh.

Now that I made this prediction that they will never become a hit, you watch, they SO WILL. It’s right up there with the Redneck Tank Top we loved back in May ‘09. Word.

Thanks Perez!

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Not the same, but still fun:

A caring loving face to wake up to…

sam {temptingmama} — Thu, 29 Oct 2009 19:40:56 +0000

From the listing:

This felted tea pot warmer, created by Pen, is made from a recycled sweater, wet felted, cut into shape, and hand sculpted. Buck measures approximately 32cms by 22cms.

Buck will give your tea pot incredible warmth and undying companionship. A worthy addition to your kitchen.

It’s truly amazing what $100 can buy you these days…

Thanks Reba Jane!

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Craftastrophe » Disturbing Things We Should Never Own

Mah Frienz R Gonna Be Sew Dang Jelus

Not the same, but still fun:

Profess your love for Edward Cullen. Everyone’s doing it.

Not the same, but still fun:

Oh, Mr. Sandman

Not the same, but still fun:

Gawd, I hope they wash their hands

Not the same, but still fun:

How NOT to freak out your guest

Not the same, but still fun:

Seduction: Swan Style

Not the same, but still fun:

I *used* to like chenille….

Not the same, but still fun:

Shootin’ blanks

Not the same, but still fun:

Kill Me If This Ever Becomes a Trend

Not the same, but still fun:

A caring loving face to wake up to…

Not the same, but still fun:

I used to like chenille….