Fingernail hoarding box, topped with real fingernails.

I am a man who has reached his last resort of selling fingernails on the internet. With your generosity, I am hopeful that a man armed with a heap-o-debt, a low to average level of intelligence, and no marketable skills, can achieve the American Dream armed only with a spark of creativity and a soul overflowing with weirdness.

{Source} $1776. No, seriously.

Soap on a rope, or airport-clearing novelty item?

Also handy for giving the combat veterans in your life a jolt of PTSD.

{Source} $10 and several years in a Supermax prison

This bracelet is perfect for your dream wedding. Your dream ZOMBIE wedding.

{Source} $120. Not found at Tiffany.

George Carlin, looking PISSED. I don’t think I’d want to share my home with him.

{Source}

I want to go eat a carton of Chubby Hubby just so I DON’T end up looking like this miserable bobble-headed little bony wretch. And I don’t even LIKE Chubby Hubby.

This slimming fridge magnet is designed to reduce the excessive amount of trips to the fridge. Whilst it does not claim any magical powers it serves as an extra reminder of “the big goal” whenever you are lurking into the kitchen.

{Source} $8 and all the pie you can stuff into your pie-hole