Craftastrophe » Doctor Dement-O

Lazy Sunday

suebob — Sun, 22 Apr 2012 14:06:35 +0000

I can’t decide. Craftastrophe – yes or no? Part of me thinks this is cool. The other part is somewhat horrified at the thought of having to keep it clean.

Cast your votes.

{Source} $1275, which is what may have pushed me over the edge.

Not the same, but still fun:

A Cleaning and A Show

suebob — Sun, 26 Feb 2012 15:10:40 +0000

I have a lady dentist, too, but she never shows me her boobs while she’s working on me. Maybe that’s an extra charge.

How did I know this was a male artist? Deep sigh.
{Source} $109. Titty shot free.

Not the same, but still fun:

At last! A Way to Make Those Gross Giant Ear Holes Even More Disgusting

suebob — Mon, 14 Nov 2011 23:05:24 +0000

Kids, these days, with their “fashions” and “body modification.” Why can’t they just use too much pink lip gloss and hair spray like we did back in the day?

These are for your massive ear holes. Cute! Or not. You decide:

{Source} Just $45 – get ready for the holidays!

Not the same, but still fun:

You’ve got a little spinach in your earring

flutter — Wed, 23 Mar 2011 13:35:21 +0000

and now we know what the tooth fairy does with all of those teeth. Also, ew.

Source

Some more like this one:

Crazy Mare, a Mouse – and Rodney Dangerfield?

sam {temptingmama} — Sat, 08 Jan 2011 03:32:50 +0000

Dear readers, meet Fifiusca the crazy mare and Rufulfa the mouse…

It’s evident there was a lot of effort put into making these two, but all I can see is this:

Rodney Dangerfield

Fifiusca and Rufulfa look like they’ve been out on a bender for 3 nights, completely jacked up on pixie sticks and Red Bull, if you ask me.

{source}

Not the same, but still fun:

Judy Blume did NOT write about this.

flutter — Wed, 22 Dec 2010 04:12:57 +0000

Oh our menstrual rites of passage. The cramping, the bleeding, the childbearing! But if I could only have a special place to keep track of my menses. With delightful graphics (which are oh so graphic) to remind me what a total pain in the ass my period is!

OH BUT LOOK!

Yes kids, even Princess Leia bleeds. And evidently forgets to wear a tampon. I wonder if there is a reminder in any of these delightful Menstrual Lunar Calendars, which will remind me to run to the drug store and buy supplies?

It does not appear so. But apparently, this girl has some big time bloat going on. Her legs are usually totally proportionate to her feet.

She looks a little pissed. But I guess I am a little grumpy when I overflow all over the floor, too. I guess I’ll just put on my fallopian tube tee shirt and mark this day in my calendar.

Source

thanks, Amanda!

Not the same, but still fun:

Anatomy of my brain being severed right off the stem

flutter — Wed, 15 Dec 2010 02:35:19 +0000

Okay, look. I am as pro-baby rock on with your bad self awesome women who shoot fruit from their nether bits as the next girl. But, dudes. I have my limits.

I HAVE MY LIMITS. These dolls, well these dolls are my limit.

Starts all cute, right? Awwwww, preggo doll getting ready to burst forth a life. Then, well, then there was placenta. See, what happened there was when the placenta, even though it’s just red felt, showed up I heard a loud buzzing and felt a pop. Then I went blind and lost all control of my bladder. So, I am pretty sure that I have suffered a major doll-placenta related stroke.

I went blind before I could even see the snap nipples or to fully comprehend the $130 price tag. Then something started leaking out of my ear at the thought of stuffing that little baby doll back up into the mama doll to relive the birthing experience.

Goodbye, cruel world!

Source

Not the same, but still fun:

“Feminist Mythology”

Renee — Tue, 07 Sep 2010 17:00:49 +0000

Imagery: A toothed vagina with an arm extending from it that is grasping a human heart.

Well, I’m glad you cleared that up, because I really had no idea what I was looking at. A butt with a zipper? Krumm for Aaahh!!! Real Monsters? Some sort of Halloween themed nut cracker?

But now that I know it’s a vagina dentata, I totally get it. I also totally get that you made it look “like an artifact” (see: old and crappy) on purpose, and that it’s worth all $500 that you’re charging for it.

Oh, wait, no–I mean, I totally don’t get it. Feminist mythology my butt zipper.

{source}

Renee doesn’t bite.

Some more like this one:

This is the boyfriend I would have

suebob — Sun, 15 Aug 2010 04:39:53 +0000

Instead of getting me a heart necklace on Valentine’s Day, he would get me this:

A lung necklace. Not only that, a black lung necklace.

He would think it was all cute and goth and stuff.

And depending on the stage of our relationship, I might even believe him.

There is a reason I am single, people.

{Source}

Suebob is bad at boys.

Not the same, but still fun:

Sorry, Bugs

Renee — Tue, 10 Aug 2010 17:00:14 +0000

What could a rabbit possibly do to deserve this?

Did he steal all your carrots?

Did he cheat at your race?

Did he tie your shot gun in a knot so it exploded in your face?

Whatever it was, it doesn’t warrant this level of punishment.

And why does he have duck feet?

According to the creator,

Scott a. a. Bibus uses taxidermy to explore the human relationship with death. By blending the death-concealing techniques of taxidermy with the exaggeratedly grotesque aesthetics of horror movies, Bibus creates totems to the human defense mechanisms developed in the face of our own mortality.

But you and I both know that’s a crock of rabbit shit.

That second sentence doesn’t even make sense — totems to our defense mechanisms developed in the face of our own mortality? Totems are supposed to watch over you. Do you mean that this thing is supposed to watch over my defense mechanisms, or that this thing is my defense mechanisms? And if it’s supposed to watch over me, why is it a bloody stuffed rabbit with duck feet? Is this some lesser-known Hindi goddess I’ve never heard of? What’s it do — run across the water with rabbit like speed on its bloody duck feet to chase the demons away? In the face of our own mortality — what did you do, Scott a.a. Bibus, just Google “psychobabble” and pick the first paragraph that popped up?

This monstrosity only exists because you like taking dead things and making them look worse than dead things already look — that’s all. You’re not trying to say something about life or mortality, you just really wanted a bunny with bloody flappers and as soon as you had a chance to make one, you did.

And then you thought, “Hey, I bet someone else likes dead rabbit parts, too!” (and clearly some do…) so you put it on Etsy for $395 and tacked on some nonsense words to try and confuse anyone who might try and call you out for what you really are: a craftastrophist.

{source}

Renee likes her bunnies fluffy and alive.