There’s nothing more refreshing after a long day out in the blinding hot sun than an ice cold beer. Encased in preserved road kill. No, really.
This 55% beer should be drank in small servings whilst exuding an endearing pseudo vigilance and reverence for Mr Stoat. This is to be enjoyed with a weather eye on the horizon for inflatable alcohol industry Nazis, judgemental washed up neo-prohibitionists or any grandiloquent, ostentatious foxes.
*blink, blink*
Another area we have explored is extreme ABV brewing. Using clowns, penguins and polar bears we have frozen, hopped and oak aged stronger beers than have ever before been made in the history of beer. This program has parented the infamous Tokyo*, Tactical Nuclear Penguin and Sink the Bismarck! The End of History, at 55%, is the final instalment of our efforts to redefine the limits of contemporary brewing.
*pinches arm, hopes desperately to wake up*
Look people, where I come from we call this drink “white lightening,” and if you go drinking too much of it, you’ll go blind. True story. You definitely shouldn’t be sipping on home-stilled moonshine while huffing taxidermy chemicals, which is obviously your favorite past time. Why else would you put little costumes on the already defiled creatures? (more…)
Dogs will eat just about anything, thus the inspiration for DOG BUTT FLOSS. These colorful derrieres conveniently suction cup to your bathroom mirror so you’ll never search for the floss again! This is a product with a purpose: our family has never flossed so much.
I think it would make me floss LESS, not more. Right? I mean, the thought of floss that has been run through a dog’s intestinal tract doesn’t make me want to polish my in-between spaces, lest my breath smell like dog ass.
Did he tie your shot gun in a knot so it exploded in your face?
Whatever it was, it doesn’t warrant this level of punishment.
And why does he have duck feet?
According to the creator,
Scott a. a. Bibus uses taxidermy to explore the human relationship with death. By blending the death-concealing techniques of taxidermy with the exaggeratedly grotesque aesthetics of horror movies, Bibus creates totems to the human defense mechanisms developed in the face of our own mortality.
But you and I both know that’s a crock of rabbit shit.
That second sentence doesn’t even make sense — totems to our defense mechanisms developed in the face of our own mortality? Totems are supposed to watch over you. Do you mean that this thing is supposed to watch over my defense mechanisms, or that this thing is my defense mechanisms? And if it’s supposed to watch over me, why is it a bloody stuffed rabbit with duck feet? Is this some lesser-known Hindi goddess I’ve never heard of? What’s it do — run across the water with rabbit like speed on its bloody duck feet to chase the demons away? In the face of our own mortality — what did you do, Scott a.a. Bibus, just Google “psychobabble” and pick the first paragraph that popped up?
This monstrosity only exists because you like taking dead things and making them look worse than dead things already look — that’s all. You’re not trying to say something about life or mortality, you just really wanted a bunny with bloody flappers and as soon as you had a chance to make one, you did.
And then you thought, “Hey, I bet someone else likes dead rabbit parts, too!” (and clearly some do…) so you put it on Etsy for $395 and tacked on some nonsense words to try and confuse anyone who might try and call you out for what you really are: a craftastrophist.
I guess these are what you would call “Special Occasion Wear.”
If the special occasion involves very cold, but dry weather. Below knee level.
You could pair them with this skirt to complete the furry look:
I think that if you actually wore these, you couldn’t help but have some kind of fun. I wonder how they would go over at the office? Or is this taking “business casual” just a little too far?
If I suddenly decided that I wanted a bikini made out of fur, beaver wouldn’t even be in the top ten list of animals whose fur I’d want.
I could understand maybe cheetah, or leopard, or zebra. Giraffes are cool, and tigers, snow leopards, white tigers, black panthers, even alligator or some sort of shiny snake would be alright. But beaver?
On my beaver?
And yet somehow, this exists:
The new multicolor sheared beaver fur bikini (for women)
In the case that I did for some reason (maybe because all the animals in my top ten are also on the Endangered Species list…) decide that my fur bikini should be made out of beaver (as my friend Stephanie pointed out, it’d probably swim well…) I seriously doubt I’d choose this particular incarnation.
Since when do beavers come in pink and yellow?
Why is the bikini tied together with burgundy yarn?
And are you sure this wasn’t made for a transvestite? Because that bottom looks like it’s got a whole heck of a lot of room up front.
This looks like a haphazardly assembled costume for some high school TV media short film called something like “Amazon Cavewomen Go Bananas.” It looks like a rejected wardrobe choice from Encino Man. It looks like something even this guy wouldn’t wear.
Also, please take a second to consider that nowhere in the listing for this item is there a picture of the back side, which leads me to the unfortunate conclusion that it’s *probably* a string thong (although when you’re only paying $219 for something that allegedly retails for “$700 – minimum” you should probably expect to have your ass hanging in the wind).
