Craftastrophe » Crazy Critter Parts

But does it swim!?

sam {temptingmama} — Thu, 12 Nov 2009 01:02:01 +0000

From the listing:

Cats have no names; they know who they are.

Hand and machine sewn out of wool felt (synthetic felt accents) with wet-felted wool tentacles.

Clearly this cat is unsure of who he is. I mean, it’s a CAT with TENTACLES.

CONNNN-FUSING.

{source}

Not the same, but still fun:

Not for the squeamish ones. You asked for a warning, there it is.

sam {temptingmama} — Sun, 04 Oct 2009 23:57:38 +0000

Squeamish or not. These is something terribly wrong with this.

The *art* of taxidermy really knows no bounds, does it?

I don’t know, but I don’t think the crystal encrusted effects really anything to diminishing the horror.

*shudder*

{source}

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But Grandma! What do you mean you’re not leaving me your plate collection anymore!?

sam {temptingmama} — Sun, 04 Oct 2009 01:11:28 +0000

I think I’m going to buy this plate and use it to replace an existing plate in my grandma’s collection.

Or maybe, this one?

We’ve featured this seller before. *** THE LINK CONTAINS POSSIBLY OFFENSIVE MATERIAL. CONSIDER THIS YOUR WARNING. *** And some of the items are extremely low brow, but still make me giggle.

I don’t know that any of them would have my grandma giggling though. She’d probably be immediately mentally writing me out of her will.

chicken plate {source}
kitty plate {source}

Some more like this one:

My name is Pussy. Octopussy.

sam {temptingmama} — Fri, 11 Sep 2009 00:39:45 +0000

What the WHAT!?

I can’t stop staring at those eff’n eyes. They seriously skeeve me the frig out.

I think I want this chandelier in the hallway outside my kids’ rooms.

Yes. I said chandelier.

Seriously.

RAAAWWWWWWWR. GET BACK IN YER BED!!!!

From the listing:

This octopus chandelier is made from sculpted arms and head, she has pink albino taxidermy glass eyes, pearl encrusted body covered with vintage and new pearls, scallop shells, pink pearl candles and painted with pearlized paint. She measures about 42″ diameter and is about 14″ tall.

Dude. Those eyes? ARE HUGE. I’d like to know what kind of *things* taxidermist are taxiderming that would needs eyes that ginormous AND ALBINO.

*shudder*

Come hither my pretties. Come feast among my shiny pearl-like eggs.

(or egg-like pearls? Whatever.)

And now ‘Octopussy‘ will forever have a whole new meaning to me.

P.S.? How could ’someone’ even name a movie that an it not be shot down immediately by those people who suck all the funny out of movie titles?

P.P.S. I can’t not giggle every time I say Octopussy.

P.P.S.S. Am twelve.

Thanks Pam D.!

{source}

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Stop looking at me swan!

sam {temptingmama} — Wed, 26 Aug 2009 02:06:53 +0000

The bin in my son’s daycare is overflowing with gently worn animals who have spent their days comforting young children as they take their daily naps. I’d love to shove this one in the bin and see the look on the faces of some of the parents as they dig through for their child’s beloved stuffy.

STOP LOOKING AT ME SWAN!*

I don’t know know what freaks me out more: the two-headed-ness or the fact that the bunny eerily resembles Ruby.

WHERE THE HELL ARE YOUR PARENTS?!

F*ck, I hate that stupid know-it-all rabbit.

Thanks Mo!

{source}

____________

* Guess the movie that the quote came from? One of my favourite no-brainer movies ever! No googling!

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I now wish more than ever that my cat was made of polymer

sam {temptingmama} — Sun, 16 Aug 2009 12:19:53 +0000

You people sure have an affinity for weirdo cats lately.

This one kinda reminds me of my own cat though.

Hellish.

Like this? This is the look I get when he craps outside his litter box.

This is how he treats me on a regular basis. RUDE.

Damn cat. Confession: I can’t stand my cat. I just can’t bring myself to dump him at a shelter. At nine years old, I just can’t do that to him. Lucky for us, our vet says he’s in great condition and will likely live to see a ripe old age of at least 16.

And? He’s SATANIC. Eyes rolling to the back of his head as he barfs on my couch.

Except my cat? He’s ALIVE and most times I wish nothing more than for him to have the ability to turn to stone.

Or polymer.

Whatever.

From the listing:

This odd genie is their to help, his bright color brings energy to the room and his strange appearance with no doubt start fun conversations!…

He comes attached to a wooden base with leather bottom to prevent fine furniture from scratching.
He is sure to lift anyone’s mood!

I just can’t picture someone with a $14,000 sideboard in their dining room showing this piece along side their bottle of The Macallan Fine and Rare Collection, 1926, 60 Years Old at a price tag of $38,000.

Unless of course by “fine” the seller means my MDF laminate bookself, because THAT is totally doable.

Go check out the seller’s shop. There are some AMAZINGLY creepy pieces there. Including this one. OMFG.

Thanks Natalie!

{source}

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Whatchu eatin’ under there?

sam {temptingmama} — Wed, 12 Aug 2009 19:18:22 +0000

Ever have that one pesky person in your life who has an answer for everything? How to clean the windows better? How to avoid turning your whites pink? When to hang the laundry? Yes. One. Of. Those.

Maybe a mother-in-law who critiques and / or mocks your cooking in front of others?

This my friend; this is for you.

Invite that pesky do-gooder over for dinner. Maybe some pasta so it covers the bottom entirely?

Watch them as they quietly tell themselves how they would have made the sauce, presented the meal and wonder where you picked up your plain ol’ off white dinnerware. After all, they would have likely served in the good china.

Then suddenly it comes into view…

They look but don’t speak…

Shear terror crosses their face as they jump from the table clutching their mouth and spitting their dinner into their hand.

Maybe even a single tear falls – you know the one. It creeps out only when one experiences a hell of a scare.

What you don’t have that? Oh. Well. Ahem. Carry on.

I am smiling now just at the thought of scaring the utter CRAP outta someone with these plates.

Mine? Mine would have to have a rat.

Now I think I have to start my Christmas shopping….

{source}

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Caption This: Prepare to Be Horrified Edition

Karen Sugarpants — Fri, 07 Aug 2009 15:13:45 +0000

Look, I hate to waste your Friday with this, but the fact of the matter is, it’s Friday. You’re not doing any work anyway, let’s just admit that right now.

So why not caption this very special salt and pepper shaker set:

Then, head on over to Crappy Taxidermy, where you will find much much worse things for your enjoyment and be horrifically pleased with the quality of time you are wasting.

Thanks Tracy for the great find!

*shudder*

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Excuse me, would you happen to have an extra hair comb I could borrow?

sam {temptingmama} — Sun, 19 Jul 2009 13:32:43 +0000

This one’s for you our wonderful readers!

CAPTION THIS!

{source} also featured on BoingBoing

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I Think My Cat Left One Like This on My Carpet

sam {temptingmama} — Fri, 08 May 2009 13:55:26 +0000

First off, your comments on Guess That Mess! are hilarious! I totally love them, thank you for playing along. It was so great, we’re contemplating making it a regular feature here at Craftastrophe.

And without further ado, the Mess? Though I much perfer some of your answers, the jacket it made of synthetic doll hair, Spanish Moss, and jute.

I had to google the later since I have NO idea what the heck ‘jute’ is.

Okay, so I googled Spanish Moss as well.

A jacket? If the sleeves where only a touch longer they could be wrapped around the body and fastened behind to resemble another kind of jacket.

Justine’s comment made me spit coffee all over my computer:

Ummm – a horrifically misguided attempt at making fake vomit?

A sweater or coat made from shed dog fur? With nicotine-stained glue-gun applique?

A loofah and mucus sculpture?

A coat made of human hair? (Please don’t be pubic hair, please don’t be pubic hair…)

And you! to! can own this jacket for a mere $525!

Maybe for that price they’ll toss in the skinned doll heads? Hey, you could ask!

Or how about this?

I don’t know what’s funnier: the fact that I actually wretched at the sight of this or it’s title, “Not Yet Titled”.

Oh, and this one? $1,300. The Stained Industrial Elastic? $3,500.

Yes. Yes it is.

Why didn’t I become an artist?

{source: hair jacket, elastic band art, “Not Yet Titled“}