Yesterday my boyfriend and I were talking about the ridiculousness of the term “sex positive.”  If you’re unfamiliar with it (because you don’t live in the hipster-and-hippie-fied SF Bay) it can mean anything from “I have an open mind about sex” to “I’m a fetish crazy swinger with sex toys mounted to three of my four living room walls.”  Basically (as Oleg put it) “I’m not a repressed Christian zealot.” It’s one of those terms that’s inherently unnecessary–who doesn’t feel positively toward sex (apart from the aforementioned repressed religious types)?–but that people have decided they really, really like throwing around.  They also like to use it (as previously mentioned) to describe a stupidly wide range of attitudes, which is why it reminds me of another term I’ve come to loathe: objet d’art.

Literally meaning “object of art,” this term has been taken over by anyone and everyone that’s ever made something ridiculous and wanted to make it sound fancy.  And since it technically covers a pretty big group of things–any object that you can consider “art,” which is basically any object–people have thrown it around to the point that it’s been rendered absolutely meaningless.

How can I be sure it’s lost all meaning?  Because that’s how someone described this garish patriotic explosion, titled “handbeaded AH HA BARRETTE.”

A grown-up “conversation piece… you’re going to be talked about flaunting this “after one’s own heart” object d’art
(It’s classy by it’s own sassy self but it’s a swingy, beady eye catchy standout in a hairdo too!)

I can imagine what people will say when they mention my object d’art (way to know your terminologies!) and I’m guessing most of their statements will be made while giggling behind my back and will probably include things like aren’t there laws about flag desecration? and wearing that barrette does not mean we are going to call you Miss America.

I also love the parenthetical nod being classy.  Know what’s classy?  Simple shapes in basic shades–black, white, brown.  Clean lines.  Quality components.  Basically, things that are not made of shiny red plastic stars and Fimo clay.

And I can’t fathom what you’re supposed to do with this thing apart from wear it in your hair.  I mean, I’d never wear this in my hair because I don’t want to look like I’m vomiting stars and stripes out of my skull, but that write up seems to suggest that there are other options.  Am I going to lay it on my desk at work?  Should I hang it on the wall?  Or maybe it can be like those car testicles and dangle from the underside of my Nissan.

Whatever it is, I’d better be able to do something with it if it’s going to cost me a cool $50.

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Renee kind of hopes somebody buys this.

I have enough of a hard time making myself floss.

Now there’s this:

Dogs will eat just about anything, thus the inspiration for DOG BUTT FLOSS. These colorful derrieres conveniently suction cup to your bathroom mirror so you’ll never search for the floss again! This is a product with a purpose: our family has never flossed so much.

I think it would make me floss LESS, not more. Right? I mean, the thought of floss that has been run through a dog’s intestinal tract doesn’t make me want to polish my in-between spaces, lest my breath smell like dog ass.

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Suebob can’t believe what her dog will eat.

Reverence, humility, falling on your knees in the face of the divine light. An overwhelming, soul changing moment, brought to you John Deere.

If this doesn’t invite the rapture, I don’t know what will.

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flutter’s bathroom was decorated with this craft as inspiration

Sometimes you find stuff and you’re just not sure what to say about it.  Behold, Dollface Psycho Mini with Barbed Wire Bat!

Looking to bring entropy and discord to Chenillopolis is this masked miscreant! With a bad haircut, a frightening doll mask, and a baseball bat wrapped in razorwire, this mean little guy is looking to start trouble!

Minus the mohawk, the Dollface Psycho Mini stands 2″ (5.08 cm) high. The figure’s body is a chenille stem base. His vest is denim, his pants have a string tie, are string, and his “anarchy” pin is cut from funfoam.

And nothing says “anarchy” like funfoam!

This shop features a whole host of assorted chenille stem based dolls, like my favorite, the Dead Outlaw:

Just look at the craftsmanship!

But the best part of this shop is a link that takes us to the home of Amputheatre, the “world’s goriest board game”.

AMPUTHEATRE is a strategic board game of hand-to-hand combat for three to ten players. Set in a future too close for comfort, public execution is now televised- and that execution takes the shape of gladiatorial battle. Convicted Death Row murderers battle to the bloody death in an arena full of weapons and booby traps (the AMPUTHEATRE itself.)

Sounds like a blast!

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Renee wishes Monopoly had more killing!

“Oh crap! It’s Betsy’s baby shower this weekend and we still haven’t gotten her a gift! What are we going to do?”

“We could get her a baby blanket?”

“No, that’s boring.”

“How about a rattle engraved with the new baby’s name?”

“That’s trite.”

“How about something with an actual smashed dead rabbit’s face peering out at you?”

“Is it expensive?”

“It’s $125!”

“Perfect.”

It’s things like this that make me hate people.  That, and everything in this idiot’s profile.

I strive to be one of the Greatest Mysteries of the century.  I adore things from years past and try my best to ignore the present culture.  My home is a colourful blend of rock memorabilia, old books, antiques, and everything pure nostalgia.  My wardrobe gives me away as a Dandy. I proudly clothe myself in vintage thrifted treasures.  I’m a Mod waif with cropped golden blonde hair- all legs and big green eyes.  Since birth I’ve clearly been a moody and eccentric artist.  My loves of art and Music are intertwined and it’s impossible to choose one over the other.  Until I met my husband I spent all my time listening to records and dressing up.
Now we do that together.  He’s a sexy rockstar and theatrical to the core.  Together we’re just a pair of eccentric androgynous peacocks- and we like it that way.

VOMIT.

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Renee would like to thank Kate for this submission!