I’m pretty sure Beyonce would not wear shorts spray-painted copper and bedazzled with gold studs.  Hell, I’d be hard-pressed to find Snooki (of Jersey Shore) all up in these shorts.

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Preferably made of polymer.

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Thoughtful Frog is not thoughtful, he drowned.

What’s red and green and goes 100 miles an hour in one spot?

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Y’all know what the O Face is right?

If not, here ya go, rookie:

Okay, and y’all know what I mean when I talk about Tree Faces, right?

If not, here ya go, rookie:

Yeah. People actually buy these in country stores and put them on their trees. Apparently none of them ever hid in their Papa’s chest when the trees start pelting Dorothy with apples in The Wizard of Oz. *eep*

Well if those faux wood faces weren’t enough to send me to therapy for an extra session, looking at these Orgasm Tammy Faye-Baker tree adornments? SURE DID THE TRICK.

Not so bad from the side, I guess.

Awww she looks like she’s sleeping…but wait…

There it is. Oh yes, there. it. is.

Thanks Bindi!

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Don’t assume that it’s just a stupid duck.

It could be this weird, strangely adorable little mouser.

Not like those little bastards that are eating the poison under my sink and sprinkling it everywhere taunting me while they eat munch my crackers.

I wouldn’t doubt they’re calling me a stupid cracker too.

Damn mice.

Though, hearing these little buggers scurry across the kitchen floor may be pretty damn funny.

*THWAP, THAWP, THAWP, THWAP*

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