Is your head supposed to be going into its ass, or coming out of it?
Wait, what?
It’s not just a hat?
Alice is a fluffyAustralian Koala wearable puppet hat. Wearing her own Trashion hat, made from ‘Plarn’.
Totally unique.
One Of A Kind.
A ‘double take’ hat-puppet,it was my entry in the 2008 Alice Springs Beanie Festival’s International Competition.
‘Alice’ won a close second in the People’s Choice Award, narrowly missing first by 4 votes.
Alice has her own hat also, which is crocheted out of a recycled rain poncho, this attaches on over her ears, and can be taken off, or put back on
With your hand in the head area, you can manipulate her mouth to ‘eat’ the leaf.
Wait, now I’m just more confused!
Since when is there an international beanie festival?
What the fuck is plarn?
And why would I ever pay $500 for a puppet to wear on my head?!
Dammit, Australia, you have won the international crazy crafter competition once again.
Oh our menstrual rites of passage. The cramping, the bleeding, the childbearing! But if I could only have a special place to keep track of my menses. With delightful graphics (which are oh so graphic) to remind me what a total pain in the ass my period is!
OH BUT LOOK!
Yes kids, even Princess Leia bleeds. And evidently forgets to wear a tampon. I wonder if there is a reminder in any of these delightful Menstrual Lunar Calendars, which will remind me to run to the drug store and buy supplies?
It does not appear so. But apparently, this girl has some big time bloat going on. Her legs are usually totally proportionate to her feet.
She looks a little pissed. But I guess I am a little grumpy when I overflow all over the floor, too. I guess I’ll just put on my fallopian tube tee shirt and mark this day in my calendar.
Okay, look. I am as pro-baby rock on with your bad self awesome women who shoot fruit from their nether bits as the next girl. But, dudes. I have my limits.
I HAVE MY LIMITS. These dolls, well these dolls are my limit.
Starts all cute, right? Awwwww, preggo doll getting ready to burst forth a life. Then, well, then there was placenta. See, what happened there was when the placenta, even though it’s just red felt, showed up I heard a loud buzzing and felt a pop. Then I went blind and lost all control of my bladder. So, I am pretty sure that I have suffered a major doll-placenta related stroke.
I went blind before I could even see the snap nipples or to fully comprehend the $130 price tag. Then something started leaking out of my ear at the thought of stuffing that little baby doll back up into the mama doll to relive the birthing experience.
I have a fur coat. I wear it with some frequency. In the summer, when you are in your wee bitty little bikini, floating around cooly in the pool. I am stuck in this rank ass fur, sweating up a storm. But, in the fall and winter? It is delightful to be a dog. I have nature’s most perfect insulation.
So listen to me. LOOK AT ME. No, look at me. This crap? Has got to stop. I do not need a raincoat, a scarf, a jaunty little cap, or one of those stupid little hats with an umbrella attached. I sure as hell don’t need whatever this thing is and I think I may be having some allergy related reaction. Because, that’s right, I am ALLERGIC TO SHAME.
I’m warm enough. I am cute enough. Please stop making me wear the leftovers from your yarn stash.
Love,
Buster
P.S. That little treat in your underwear drawer? Expect that every day until the torture ceases.
