Craftastrophe » CRAPtacular craftastrophes

Thoughtful Frog in Gel

Karen Sugarpants — Sat, 07 Nov 2009 22:00:55 +0000

Thoughtful Frog is not thoughtful, he drowned.

What’s red and green and goes 100 miles an hour in one spot?

A frog in a blender.

Sorry about that, Thoughtful Frog. I shouldn’t make (crappy) jokes while you lay there, all drowned, waiting for someone to light your fire.

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Not the same, but still fun:

Putting Your O Face In Your Front Yard For The World To See!

Karen Sugarpants — Thu, 15 Oct 2009 11:00:29 +0000

Y’all know what the O Face is right?

If not, here ya go, rookie:

Okay, and y’all know what I mean when I talk about Tree Faces, right?

If not, here ya go, rookie:

Yeah. People actually buy these in country stores and put them on their trees. Apparently none of them ever hid in their Papa’s chest when the trees start pelting Dorothy with apples in The Wizard of Oz. *eep*

Well if those faux wood faces weren’t enough to send me to therapy for an extra session, looking at these Orgasm Tammy Faye-Baker tree adornments? SURE DID THE TRICK.

Not so bad from the side, I guess.

Awww she looks like she’s sleeping…but wait…

There it is. Oh yes, there. it. is.

Thanks Bindi!

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Not the same, but still fun:

If it walks like a duck…

sam {temptingmama} — Sat, 19 Sep 2009 00:54:36 +0000

Don’t assume that it’s just a stupid duck.

It could be this weird, strangely adorable little mouser.

Not like those little bastards that are eating the poison under my sink and sprinkling it everywhere taunting me while they eat munch my crackers.

I wouldn’t doubt they’re calling me a stupid cracker too.

Damn mice.

Though, hearing these little buggers scurry across the kitchen floor may be pretty damn funny.

*THWAP, THAWP, THAWP, THWAP*

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Some more like this one:

Stoner Cat

Karen Sugarpants — Wed, 12 Aug 2009 01:07:59 +0000

Stoner Cat,

What are they feeding you?

Stoner Cat,

It’s not your fault….

From the listing:

free shipping!

Heh.

What kills me in the look on the cat’s face. And goodness knows your parents will never suspect this item for drug paraphernalia. Nah, never.

Just say no, kids!

Thanks Genevieve!

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Some more like this one:

Nice Hat. And By Peacock, You Mean…

Karen Sugarpants — Tue, 23 Jun 2009 18:07:00 +0000

…stegosaurus?

Thanks for the hearty giggle Candace!

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Not the same, but still fun:

Poop and Jesus in the very same post!

sam {temptingmama} — Sat, 20 Jun 2009 22:33:31 +0000

Editor’s note: Do not attempt to write a post while you’re mentally creating your shopping list. Oh, and kitty litter and cat nip? Totally interchangeable. (Maybe that’s why my cat hates me so.)

People have this affinity for creating weird things for cat toys. I can’t think of anyone I know that would ever buy something like this for their animals to play with. I mean, sure it’s funny as hell to see a cat gnaw the crap out of a toy that’s laced with kitty litter cat nip, but to watch a cat gnaw the crap out of a diaper laced with kitty litter cat nip ?

I just don’t know.

“Aw look honey, Buster’s playing with the crap filled diaper again! Isn’t he just the cutest thing?!”

“Hey babe, come see the cat hump the crap out of the diaper toy!”

“Sweetie! The cat’s eating sh!t again!!”

All funny, yet for some reason, I still wouldn’t want to buy my cat a crap covered toy; and I don’t even like my cat.

Um, Jesus, sir. I think you have something on your face.

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Some more like this one:

The Gothic Fantasy King Of All Horned Things

Karen Sugarpants — Mon, 15 Jun 2009 01:10:48 +0000

From the listing:

Moloch started his Life as an 11 inch all vinyl, bald, brightly orange-colored child’s toy.
He now thinks he is The Gothic Fantasy King Of All Horned Things.

Oh he does, does he? It looks more like some dude defaced the poor thing until it looked as though it had been mauled by a pack of wolves. That hair makes Barbie look authentic. What IS that? Soul Glo?

You know, however badass Moloch thinks he is, the fact remains that he still has that baby doll grin:

Which, coupled with the subtle come hither finger and the chest baring linen robe, totally spells GIGOLO. Horned things, indeed. Moloch honey, you look like you haven’t slept in weeks, and is that…Herpes on those lips? Let me get you on a Visine & Valtrex treatment of sorts.

Thanks GirlShawn….for the greebily nightmares!

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Not the same, but still fun:

Drunk Beaten Clam Art

Karen Sugarpants — Thu, 21 May 2009 12:21:00 +0000

About a week ago, Hilly wrote a post about people who get drunk and ruin things for everyone else. That post seriously brought the LOLZ. Said post referenced a party-goer’s ‘beaten clam:’

Somehow we got seated at a table with the loud drunk who kept interrupting the show, his equally loud and obnoxious wife and a lady who we shall call Griselda. Now then, poor Dave was seated next to Griselda who, by the way, was a bit of a weatherd woman who has lost some of her teeth throughout the ages. Apparently, she was wearing a skirt cut up to her thigh and kept giving Dave a show of her beaten clam every time she would move.

Later that same day I got this submission from Candace.

From the listing:

They say don’t eat raw clams they could be bad for you , but who new (sic) this is what they meant!
this naughty clam is smoking!! awful!! his name is BOB and he dosn’t like to be told what to do (much like my husband who is my inspiration)!

Ha. Ha ha ha ha. Here’s one dirty clam who isn’t going to prom. Jam Out With Your Clam Out!

Beaten clam.

Can’t stop laughing.

Thanks Candace and Hilly for the laughs!

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Some more like this one:

My Skin Is Crawling

Karen Sugarpants — Tue, 19 May 2009 21:15:14 +0000

Can’t look away from the nipples. “You’ll shoot yer eye out kid.”

Also, some of these soaps have stuff in them that make the poor soap woman torso thing look as though she has some kind of disease, or parasite, or alien host.

Bizarre.

Thanks Lori!
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Not the same, but still fun:

What I Really Wanted To Get Sam For Her Birthday

Karen Sugarpants — Sun, 17 May 2009 00:13:19 +0000

Today is Sam’s birthday. She’s 43 today, but doesn’t look a day over, well, 43. *

I was really upset I couldn’t get it in time, especially since this would fit with Sam’s taste so nicely.

Instead of this lovely kitten-pukes-rainbow journal, I opted for something more practical for Sam for her big birthday: a laptop bag from Janine King (Sam’s gotta pick one). We’ve both been coveting them for over a year and for good reason: they are gorgeous.

Happy Birthday Sam!

Thanks Melanie!

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*Sam is not really 43.