Craftastrophe » CRAPtacular craftastrophes

For those days when you’re in a pissy mood

suebob — Fri, 06 Jan 2012 14:00:21 +0000

Mood jewelry for the pissed off:

This is an awesome DIY necklace made by myself and is brand new. This is an SHS original design! The black-finished metal pendant is about 2 inches by 1.5 inches and it hangs from an 18 inch long silver-tone ball chain (which can be cut to any size you like by yourself). This cute image is protected by a glass-like, glossy coating to ensure long-lasting wear. This is not a cheap plastic item and is very durable, making it a great gift. THE IMAGE AS SHOWN IN THE AUCTION AD is not blurry or pixed as it shows on the photo. The actual image is clear! Great digitally made by myself image DIY!

{Source} $7. No extra charge for it being long-lasting.

Not the same, but still fun:

Oh Crapmass Tree

suebob — Sun, 27 Nov 2011 12:00:02 +0000

Oh, it’s Southwestern, is it? So it isn’t meant to resemble a giant ball of poo, then? Because it bears an unfortunate resemblance to something that came out of my dog:

{Source} $75.00 Ho ho ho

Not the same, but still fun:

Extreme Detail

suebob — Fri, 11 Nov 2011 03:08:06 +0000

I really admire people who can draw and paint in incredible detail. Especially nature – there is something so wonderful about seeing God’s creations rendered so perfectly, with such care, with such…well, detail.

Not THAT much detail.

{Source}

Some more like this one:

Well I see Etsy hasn’t lost it’s awesomeness in my absence. And by awesomeness I mean they make it so damn easy.

suebob — Sun, 06 Nov 2011 22:20:21 +0000

With this, Craftastrophe’s light grows a little brighter, just like Tinkerbell when you clap really hard. It’s the return of Kelley!

*******

So it has been a while since I have graced this fine blog.

I have dusted off my snark and ready to trawl the corners of the internetz for craptastic craftastrophies.

A glass of wine in hand, I get ready and open Etsy.

I type ‘Christmas’ and hit search.

On the first page…

Holy Mother of God.

Well at least there are a lot of options for The Star of David to give all your Jewish friends for Christmas.

This is just too freaking easy.

Kelley snuck over from Magneto Bold Too! Where she blogs about life the universe and her awesomeness.

Some more like this one:

You’ve got a little spinach in your earring

flutter — Wed, 23 Mar 2011 13:35:21 +0000

and now we know what the tooth fairy does with all of those teeth. Also, ew.

Source

Some more like this one:

Has anyone seen my salad?

flutter — Wed, 23 Feb 2011 05:52:47 +0000

I could have sworn I left it right here on the counter. Where did it go?

Oh, there it is. Now if I could just find my croutons….

Sourcealicious

Not the same, but still fun:

It’s Not Like You Have Anything Better to Spend $500 On

Renee — Tue, 08 Feb 2011 17:25:04 +0000

God dammit, what the fuck is this?

Is that another animal hat?

Is your head supposed to be going into its ass, or coming out of it?

Wait, what?

It’s not just a hat?

Alice is a fluffyAustralian Koala wearable puppet hat. Wearing her own Trashion hat, made from ‘Plarn’.

Totally unique.
One Of A Kind.

A ‘double take’ hat-puppet,it was my entry in the 2008 Alice Springs Beanie Festival’s International Competition.

‘Alice’ won a close second in the People’s Choice Award, narrowly missing first by 4 votes.

Alice has her own hat also, which is crocheted out of a recycled rain poncho, this attaches on over her ears, and can be taken off, or put back on
With your hand in the head area, you can manipulate her mouth to ‘eat’ the leaf.

Wait, now I’m just more confused!

Since when is there an international beanie festival?

What the fuck is plarn?

And why would I ever pay $500 for a puppet to wear on my head?!

Dammit, Australia, you have won the international crazy crafter competition once again.

{source}

Renee likes plarn on toast.

Some more like this one:

Judy Blume did NOT write about this.

flutter — Wed, 22 Dec 2010 04:12:57 +0000

Oh our menstrual rites of passage. The cramping, the bleeding, the childbearing! But if I could only have a special place to keep track of my menses. With delightful graphics (which are oh so graphic) to remind me what a total pain in the ass my period is!

OH BUT LOOK!

Yes kids, even Princess Leia bleeds. And evidently forgets to wear a tampon. I wonder if there is a reminder in any of these delightful Menstrual Lunar Calendars, which will remind me to run to the drug store and buy supplies?

It does not appear so. But apparently, this girl has some big time bloat going on. Her legs are usually totally proportionate to her feet.

She looks a little pissed. But I guess I am a little grumpy when I overflow all over the floor, too. I guess I’ll just put on my fallopian tube tee shirt and mark this day in my calendar.

Source

thanks, Amanda!

Not the same, but still fun:

Anatomy of my brain being severed right off the stem

flutter — Wed, 15 Dec 2010 02:35:19 +0000

Okay, look. I am as pro-baby rock on with your bad self awesome women who shoot fruit from their nether bits as the next girl. But, dudes. I have my limits.

I HAVE MY LIMITS. These dolls, well these dolls are my limit.

Starts all cute, right? Awwwww, preggo doll getting ready to burst forth a life. Then, well, then there was placenta. See, what happened there was when the placenta, even though it’s just red felt, showed up I heard a loud buzzing and felt a pop. Then I went blind and lost all control of my bladder. So, I am pretty sure that I have suffered a major doll-placenta related stroke.

I went blind before I could even see the snap nipples or to fully comprehend the $130 price tag. Then something started leaking out of my ear at the thought of stuffing that little baby doll back up into the mama doll to relive the birthing experience.

Goodbye, cruel world!

Source

Not the same, but still fun:

This dog will set you on fire with his mind

flutter — Wed, 03 Nov 2010 05:30:05 +0000

Dear Human,

I have a fur coat. I wear it with some frequency. In the summer, when you are in your wee bitty little bikini, floating around cooly in the pool. I am stuck in this rank ass fur, sweating up a storm. But, in the fall and winter? It is delightful to be a dog. I have nature’s most perfect insulation.

So listen to me. LOOK AT ME. No, look at me. This crap? Has got to stop. I do not need a raincoat, a scarf, a jaunty little cap, or one of those stupid little hats with an umbrella attached. I sure as hell don’t need whatever this thing is and I think I may be having some allergy related reaction. Because, that’s right, I am ALLERGIC TO SHAME.

I’m warm enough. I am cute enough. Please stop making me wear the leftovers from your yarn stash.

Love,

Buster

P.S. That little treat in your underwear drawer? Expect that every day until the torture ceases.

Source

flutter has never made her dog wear anything made of fun-fur yarn. She promises.