I have to admit, she is kind of fantastic.  The 34 year old in me is hot for technology and the 7 year old girl in me has a soft spot for Barbie, I can’t help it.

I picked up this tree topper about five years go when I was living in Toronto, and I absolutely adore her!  I think as far as tree toppers go she’s very inspiring.

Essentially she’s an upside down plastic party cup with a hole cut in the bottom and a barbie doll poked through.  Her hair piece is part of an old electric razor, her wings are made out of old finishing lures, and the rest of her is adorned with pieces of scrap fabric and wire.

Thanks Nichole!

{source}

Nothing feels worse than eating too much. Gorging on Christmas dinner only to be incredibly uncomfortable while opening gifts with family. You know the feeling… pants are about ready to burst, no position is comfortable and all you can think about is sitting on the toilet for a few hours to expel the mass amounts of turkey and pie consumed.

Worse? When you have multiple Christmas meals in one day.

But fear not! You no longer need to have that bloated, OMG-I-think-i-just-might-actually-die-if-I-try-and-sit-down feeling.

You can now go to each meal fresh and ready to start again! Just give yourself The Personal Christmas Enema! The Personal Christmas Enema cannot be purchased in stores so act now and The Personal Christmas Enema is yours for only 46 payments of 124.99!

Act now and you will not only get ONE of The Personal Christmas Enema, but TWO Personal Christmas Enemas! That’s TWO for the price of ONE! And we’ll even make a payment for you! Your first payment of The Personal Christmas Enema is on us!

But wait! That’s not it!

Not only will you get TWO Personal Christmas Enemas for 46 easy payments of 124.99, your first payment will be on us, we will also send along this replica Personal Christmas Enema broach which you can wear to display your pleasure in being completely voided over the holiday season!

If you’re not satisfied with your Personal Christmas Enema, just return the items but the gift is yours to keep!

{ source }

Don’t blame me for this one, it’s her fault. Nice find Zandor!

Ding dong merrily I’m highhhhh…

in heaven the angels are bleeding…

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Our beloved stalker extraordinaire Suebob has a contest going on (which has been extended to Decemeber 15th – so get over there!) to showcase your hideous and hilarious Christmas sweaters. Christmas sweaters always, ALWAYS make me laugh. I have a co-worker that wears a couple of the teacher-esque ones which I adore because well, she’s older and she reminds me of Mrs. Claus and that makes me happy.

I have been a victim of the bad Christmas sweaters as well. Not that I ever wore it, but it was a gift from grandma one year. A year where my teenage angst was at it’s greatest and I would sooner have burned the sweater than wear it.

So because I have been at the brunt of the bad sweater receiving, I am allowed to make fun. (Partially) My blog. My rules.

And! Before you say anything; these were made by someone, somewhere – therefore? Craft.

Behold The Christmas Sweaters!

It’s a behemoth Santa Claus! Run for your lives! He’s like the Incredible Hulk, only not green or angry. So really? He’s nothing like the Incredible Hulk except for the fact that he’s HUGE!

A more classic Pere Nole (minus the special little dots and accents because I don’t know how to do those) lost in the snow trudging along with his teenie tiny sack.

Sack. OF. TOYS. People! Please, this is Christmas we’re talking about.

*ahem*

Nothing says I hate you quite like a silk screen sweatshirt. But with a Christmas motif? Dude, get a restraining order, this person is about ready to lop your head off!

Grandma? Is that you?

How pray tell, are you expected to give someone a hug of good cheer when you have a Rudolph protruding from your chest like that dude from Alien? **use caution while clicking that link. If you’re reckless like me, then have at it!

The blue nail polish just accentuates the horrible-ness of this uggers cat theme.  And, why the sash of holly and snowflakes? I don’t get it.

Sweet baby Jesus. Santa looks like he has a pecker for a nose and soggy wet toilet paper for a beard.

Am. Sold.

So, if you’re looking to buy yourself a classic Christmas sweater like these check out Ebay because there’s something like eleventy million of them for sale.

Why had I not known about Ebay when I got that damn Scotty dog sweater? *sigh*

This was so fun I am going to do another version – this time? The vest.

Oh ya, baby.

The Vest.

You’re Welcome.

{ source: Ebay, mofo }

I am horrible at buying Christmas gifts. I read far too much into my purchasing. Are they going to like this? What if they already have one? What are they going to think when they open this? Will they think this is ugly? Seriously. I am consumed with anxiety when it comes to Christmas shopping.

Sometimes I buy soaps and shampoo gift baskets for people and then wonder if they’re going to think that I think they stink and this is my way of telling them that they should definitely shower more.

See? Anxiety.

This one? This is a safe bet that someone would be a little pissed at me.

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