Craftastrophe » Christmas Puts the FUN in DysFUNctional

Shut up and drink your tea

sam {temptingmama} — Tue, 05 Jan 2010 17:00:15 +0000

I *suppose* you could use it as a tea pot if you really want. But. Dude? Seriously? Are you sure you haven’t been smoking that tea instead?

Inscribed in colorful glaze on the interior of the teapot chamber is “Coffee, Tea…or me?”

Uh. Wha?

Do you know how much coffee I could buy for 395 dollars?

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Seriously, I don’t think this post even needs a title, BUT IF I DON’T PUT ONE UP HERE IT WILL JUST BE ALL BLANK AND WEIRD.

sam {temptingmama} — Thu, 17 Dec 2009 02:36:14 +0000

As if the title wasn’t long enough.

Are you ready for this?

Okay.

Aaaannnnd.

Go!

Description

HOW DO YOU FIGURE OUT WHERE LIGHTNING HITS THE GROUND AND THEN FIND IT???

A Fulgurite is formed when the conditions are right and lightning hits the ground fusing the sand, creating silicon glass tubes and splashes.

This Fulgurite has 3 holes going all the way through that totally resemble eyes and a mouth where the light shines through and it is rumored to look like Jesus’s face. He also has a beard.

There is a blow hole in the center of his forehead created by the lightning that does not go all the way through.

What really amazes me about the eyes too is the shape of the holes are just like the shape of eyes and are illuminated by the light shining through them along with the mouth.

“Mysterious Jesus Face / Cool Black Jesus Face” rare Lightning Fulgurite is hand mounted in a 1 1/4″ X 1 1/4″ inch mineral specimen box for his rare aesthetics beauty.

I MADE HIM A NEW HAND STITCHED “CHRISTMAS SANTA STOCKING CAP” WITH RED FLEECE AND JOHNSON COTTON ROUNDS FOR THE BALL ON THE END OF HIS CAP.

JESUS FACE IS ALSO READY FOR A HOT NIGHT OUT ON THE TOWN WITH HIS “BROWN PIMP’IN HAT” I HAND STITCHED OUT OF BROWN FELT!!! )

I ALSO MADE HIM A STEAMPUNK “LIGHT UP YOUR LIFE HAT” WITH WHITE FELT, SUSHI GRASS, 1/2 SPARKLY MOON AND 1 BAD LED LIGHT FROM AN ELECTRONICS JOB.

***ON SUNDAYS JESUS FACE IS USUALLY WEARING HIS “CRYSTAL CROSS POPE STYLE HAT” I MADE HIM WITH WHITE FELT AND A BEAUTIFUL RARE TIBET PHANTOM SMOKY QUARTZ CRYSTAL CROSS CLUSTER ADORNING THE FRONT OF HIS HAT.

IF YOU DO NOT THINK THIS LIGHTNING FULGURITE LOOKS LIKE JESUS’S FACE PLEASE CONTACT ME AND LET ME KNOW WHO YOU DO THINK HE LOOKS LIKE? IT SEEMS LIKE SOME PEOPLE CAN SEE THE FACE BUT SOME PEOPLE CAN’T OR MAYBE JUST DON’T WANT TO.

Please click on pictures and use zoom tool in lower right hand corner to zoom in on pictures.

This “Mysterious Jesus Face / Cool Black Jesus Face” rare Lightning Fulgurite is even amazing to stare at the pictures. If you stare at his picture you might go into some kind of a trance. )

I am also charging slightly more for this Fulgurite because I will probably never be able to find another one with a JESUS face like this one has. When I first saw this fulgurite I said right away this is somebody’s face!!! Then the more I looked at it after I got home I knew it was Jesus’s face and the light came shining through.. So if I don’t sell Mysterious Pimp’n JESUS Face I will keep him!!!!

So get out of the way cornflake with Jesus and grilled cheese sandwitch with the Virgin Mary that sold on Ebay & Craigslist!!!

If you do not like my price I am asking please make me an offer and I might change it for you.

None of the Fulgurites I am selling are tampered with in any way. This is totally Mother Nature.

JESUS Face was found in Weld County Colorado U.S.A. by my geologist friends (Graduate geologists from the University of Boulder CO).

This fulgurite is darker then most fulgurites due to the high manganese content also giving it slight paramagnetic properties.

Fulgurites can be used in prayer and meditation.

They help intensify concentration and clairaudient experiences.

They also have a strong, high-frequency vibration, and they seem to hold a clear resonance with the powerful electrical force that created them. Holding a Fulgurite, one may sense a vortex of energy whizzing through the chakras and all levels of the Light body, purifying and cleansing the entire system.

Fulgurites will enhance communication on the physical plane and strengthens the connection with other worlds and beings in those worlds. They have been used to communicate with aliens and entities, or ascended beings in the spirit world.

The shipping rate for this specimen will include insurance.

Please don’t forget to check out my other rare listed items and see top of my front page on how to get to my other Etsy shop to see more rare crystals, supplies etc. )

***Note: This item was listed to make you laugh! So if you laugh hard enough – maybe you should buy! “THE BIGGEST WEAPON ON THE PLANET IS TO MAKE THEM LAUGH SO HARD THEY ALL DROP THEIR WEAPONS”!!!!!
I AM A CHRISTIAN AND I AM INTO CRYSTAL HEALING!!!

Enjoy!

I really don’t think there’s anything more that needs to be said about this fossilized piece of crap black Jesus head, is there?

Oh, except:

$1,111.11 USD

One thousand, one hundred, eleven dollars and eleven mother-effing-cents.

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Guess the Christmas Craft!

Karen Sugarpants — Tue, 08 Dec 2009 12:00:46 +0000

Okay folks, whattya think this is?

Got a guess? Click through to find out if you’re right!

Why yes, it’s a headband with a cardinal and fake ivy stuck to it! Isn’t it jazzy?

If red might clash with your outfit, buy the reindeer version. Because nothing says Christmas like gluing odd shit to a headband and calling it a “design.”

Thanks Charlotte!

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Not the same, but still fun:

Go buck yourself!

sam {temptingmama} — Mon, 07 Dec 2009 17:00:06 +0000

Is it just me, or does the green glitter look more like a Chia-Pet?

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Not the same, but still fun:

Just what my festive Christmas decor was missing…

sam {temptingmama} — Mon, 07 Dec 2009 00:29:23 +0000

Cardinal Cats.

I prefer to call them Christmacats.

You’re welcome.

A Male & Female Cardinal Cat sitting on a snowy tree branch in an evergreen forest with snow capped mountains in the distance…
These are low resolution scans so they don’t show the best detail. The painting is much more vivid, detailed and higher quality than the scan can show. I have included close up pictures.

Much more vivid, detailed and higher quality? Grrrrreeat.

But wait. A Male & Female Cardinal Cat? Just one? Or are they supposed to be hermaphrodite cats? *confused*

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Not the same, but still fun:

It’s a little tit nipply in here! (UPDATED!!)

sam {temptingmama} — Fri, 04 Dec 2009 01:06:16 +0000

Modge podge mod podge hodge podge Fancy fuckin’ glue, check.

Weird, spray painted green body, check.

Mussel shells, check.

Oh and yes! Coat hanger wire nipples!

Add a Christmas tree, and it’s PERFECTION!

Treated mussel shell wings make ANGEL ORNAMENT 1 a truly unique hand made decoration that will endure for many years! A sweet vintage image tops the enameled angel body (yes, angels have boobies, too!), and an antique distressed chain or wire serve as a unique hanger. ANGEL ORNAMENT 1 was hand cut from heavy duty copper sheeting, then enameled front & back in my studio kiln.

Thanks Charity!!

EDITED TO ADD: But! Wait! There’s more!

You can buy a personalized version! As if it wasn’t wonderful enough to have a nipply angel on your tree, but you can also have one that looks like YOU or a family member!

Though, it may be a little uncomfortable when your mother-in-law opens her Christmas gift and sees her nipples face staring back at her.

For a mere $40+ dollars, I’m certain her expression would be worth it.

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Not the same, but still fun:

Ahhhhh…

sam {temptingmama} — Sun, 15 Nov 2009 17:00:06 +0000

From the listing…

This Steiff Teddy Bear image is perfect as a vintage style Christmas ornament. He looks like royalty wearing his Dresden gold crown. His body is a vintage gold glass ball ornament, his arms and legs are bumpy chenille, his decorations are pretty trims and a Dresden star.

This ornament will look great on a Christmas feather or tinsel tree.

It’s all yours! Take it away in the comments fair readers.

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Not the same, but still fun:

O Christmas Tree

Karen Sugarpants — Mon, 19 Oct 2009 11:00:23 +0000

Vintage alphabet blocks and vintage pipe cleaners (vintage pipe cleaners? really?) make for a great holiday themed tree block thing. Especially when you have Bambi’s brown star in the shot. Good job.

No really. Good job.

Christmas Scorpion approves.

{Tree source}

{Scorpion source}

Not the same, but still fun:

Santa? Caption This.

Karen Sugarpants — Mon, 07 Sep 2009 21:04:48 +0000

I have no words. Use yours.

Thanks Charlie!

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Royal Doulton Really Pulled An ‘Oops!’

Karen Sugarpants — Wed, 31 Dec 2008 14:04:34 +0000

Over Christmas, my family was invited to a lovely dinner over at my brother’s new in-law’s home. Somewhere between the main course and dessert, we were talking about Christmas decorations and my lovely sister-in-law’s mother pulled out this piece by Royal Doulton. At first glance, everything seems completely fine.

See? Totally cute.

Wait…look closer…do you see it?

Dolly honey? Do you need an asprin?

Poor thing. She can’t even hear us.

{Photo credit: my kid brother Joel}