As if the title wasn’t long enough.

Are you ready for this?

Okay.

Aaaannnnd.

Go!

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We’ve seen some craptastic sweaters, now it’s time for The Vests!

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Our beloved stalker extraordinaire Suebob has a contest going on (which has been extended to Decemeber 15th – so get over there!) to showcase your hideous and hilarious Christmas sweaters. Christmas sweaters always, ALWAYS make me laugh. I have a co-worker that wears a couple of the teacher-esque ones which I adore because well, she’s older and she reminds me of Mrs. Claus and that makes me happy.

I have been a victim of the bad Christmas sweaters as well. Not that I ever wore it, but it was a gift from grandma one year. A year where my teenage angst was at it’s greatest and I would sooner have burned the sweater than wear it.

So because I have been at the brunt of the bad sweater receiving, I am allowed to make fun. (Partially) My blog. My rules.

And! Before you say anything; these were made by someone, somewhere – therefore? Craft.

Behold The Christmas Sweaters!

It’s a behemoth Santa Claus! Run for your lives! He’s like the Incredible Hulk, only not green or angry. So really? He’s nothing like the Incredible Hulk except for the fact that he’s HUGE!

A more classic Pere Nole (minus the special little dots and accents because I don’t know how to do those) lost in the snow trudging along with his teenie tiny sack.

Sack. OF. TOYS. People! Please, this is Christmas we’re talking about.

*ahem*

Nothing says I hate you quite like a silk screen sweatshirt. But with a Christmas motif? Dude, get a restraining order, this person is about ready to lop your head off!

Grandma? Is that you?

How pray tell, are you expected to give someone a hug of good cheer when you have a Rudolph protruding from your chest like that dude from Alien? **use caution while clicking that link. If you’re reckless like me, then have at it!

The blue nail polish just accentuates the horrible-ness of this uggers cat theme.  And, why the sash of holly and snowflakes? I don’t get it.

Sweet baby Jesus. Santa looks like he has a pecker for a nose and soggy wet toilet paper for a beard.

Am. Sold.

So, if you’re looking to buy yourself a classic Christmas sweater like these check out Ebay because there’s something like eleventy million of them for sale.

Why had I not known about Ebay when I got that damn Scotty dog sweater? *sigh*

This was so fun I am going to do another version – this time? The vest.

Oh ya, baby.

The Vest.

You’re Welcome.

{ source: Ebay, mofo }

I am horrible at buying Christmas gifts. I read far too much into my purchasing. Are they going to like this? What if they already have one? What are they going to think when they open this? Will they think this is ugly? Seriously. I am consumed with anxiety when it comes to Christmas shopping.

Sometimes I buy soaps and shampoo gift baskets for people and then wonder if they’re going to think that I think they stink and this is my way of telling them that they should definitely shower more.

See? Anxiety.

This one? This is a safe bet that someone would be a little pissed at me.

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Once sunny spring day and college friend and I were driving down a side road when we came upon a ‘T’ intersection. Ahead of us were two dogs running, barking and chasing each other through the yard. I didn’t think anything of it until I glanced down the road to look for traffic, then back towards the dogs. Just as I looked back, one mounted the other and they were doin’ the dirty right there!

We couldn’t contain the laughter. Tears were streaming down our faces as we watched these two dogs get it on.

I don’t know what it is, but animals doing The Deed always make me break out in hysterics.

Kinda like these two little horny toads.

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