Craftastrophe » This Centerpiece Might Make Your Guests Coil in Fear

One last Halloween post

suebob — Mon, 31 Oct 2011 22:15:28 +0000

I know this is too late for this year, but file it for future reference. This dollhouse miniature table centerpiece from Purple Shammrockshop is tiny:

But wouldn’t it be great to make a life-sized one out of cake balls and gummy worms? Please, someone, do it and send me photos. Please?

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My Uterus Feels Like A Punching Bag

Kaisermommy — Wed, 09 Feb 2011 20:00:55 +0000

Yep. I’ve said that before. That awesome (sarcasm) uterine massage after having a baby? Yep, that did it.

Uterus Pinata was a new one though.

I adore that the creator is self aware – she knows it’s a little strange – Hell she links to Regretsy in her listing even.

I was a touch disturbed by this mental image:

The Uteriñata is excellent fun for all ages, even toddlers will enjoy the grab-the-string-and-pull action!

I immediately pictured my kid yanking out tampons or whatever and threw up in my mouth a little.

My bigger concern, of course, was just what candy would be most appropriate for inserting into a Uterus Pinata? I was thinking some Werther’s Originals because 1. they look like little cervixes (cervixi? cervipedes?) and 2. no one eats those things anyway.

I told my boyfriend about my dilemma – because candy stuffed uterus is totally normal conversation around here and his IMMEDIATE response was, “Oh totally those gummi lighthouses that really look like penises (penii? penipedes?)

Which is why I love that sick sumbitch.

What candy would you stick in a Uterus Pinata?

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I Love Frosting

Renee — Tue, 19 Oct 2010 17:00:52 +0000

If you hadn’t already noticed, Halloween is a perfect storm of costume and decoration Craftastrophicness. There are awful outfits, terrifying centerpieces, taxidermied wildlife, candy treat gross outs and the unforgettable horrifying dolls.

Like this one!

You know how good horror movies are scary because they have great special effects, nuanced performances, and enough creepy music to make you truly anxious straight through to the climax?

This doll is not like those movies.

This doll is like the other kind of horror movies, the kind that are scary only because they’re so bad, so poorly made, that they make you wonder about the aggregate level of sanity of the people responsible for making them.

It’s almost enough to send you into an existential conundrum, if not for the frosted edges.

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Renee no longer plays with dolls.

Not the same, but still fun:

South Papier Mache

Renee — Tue, 03 Aug 2010 17:00:34 +0000

I remember when South Park first came out. I was in high school and it was the funniest thing since The Simpsons. And when my Hulu queue finally came up empty, I went online and watched every episode of South Park that I’d missed since starting college.

This is why when I saw the below paper machier head, my first response was, “That looks like a retarded Cartman.”

No, I don’t mean if Cartman were retarded, this is what I imagine he’d look like (minus the silver skin).

I mean this:

So if you want a hollow papier mache version of retarded Eric Cartman (minus the silver skin) look no further–it’s yours for the bargain price of $190!

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Renee actually owns a pair of South Park pajamas.

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A thoughtful and not-at-all ick inducing desktop sculpture

Why isn’t there any hair on the arms?

Cat Rocketship — Tue, 13 Jul 2010 20:20:44 +0000

It’s happened that I keep finding craftastrophes that just don’t need descriptions. So here you go. Eight inch tall sculptures of nude men on a bench, one passed out on the other, and both have extremely hairy legs.

Do with that what you will.

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Cat Rocketship wrote this post. She is an artist and is okay with nudes, but not these nudes.

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How To Ruin Jello

Renee — Tue, 08 Jun 2010 17:00:35 +0000

Are you sick of everyone smiling when you set a bowl of Jello on the dessert table?

Want to see sweet treats ruined by social commentary more often?

Then I’ve got just the thing!

This bleeding squirrel bowl is the perfect way to make all your friends wish they’d just stayed home.

Its creator explains,

“I have transformed this cute and nutty squirrel jello mold into a statement on how cruel we are to our environment. Can be used as an attractive jello stand for pot luck suppers or celebrating holidays at home–always keeping us mindful of the abuses we so callously suffer on the world around us I think a clever use would be to put nuts in the top for a party, or anything you want.”

With the versatility to ruin anything from Jello to nuts, it’s a bargain at $55! So get to it–plan a party, invite your friends, and then guilt the shit of of them when they go for the almonds!

Take that, jerks!

Thanks for the wine, now here’s some environmental commentary!

That’s what you get for coming over!

Unh!

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Renee doesn’t torture animals, or friends.

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What kind of plants?

suebob — Thu, 27 May 2010 17:00:48 +0000

Honestly, I think you need a better plastic surgeon if these are what they look like:

I am trying my hardest to picture the target audience for this piece and all I can come up with is gardeners with plastic boobs. Or models with big gardens. Or…oh, I give up.

And I learned early not to stuff my bra. Because the tissue can poke out and it is kind of embarrassing:

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Suebob has some great looking tomatoes.

Not the same, but still fun:

Long Live The Queen!

Renee — Tue, 18 May 2010 17:00:52 +0000

It’s been a while since I wandered the craft world to find new and exciting things to share so when I sat down this morning I expected to spend at least a little while looking before I came across something truly impressive. Lo and behold a mere 2 minutes into my search I found this–a ceramic bust of Count Dracula.

Oh, wait–I mean Queen Elizabeth.

Writes creator Amandaoconnorclay, “I was inspired to create this piece after watching Queen Elizabeth I movies and reading historical fiction based on her amazing life. I wanted to honor such a brave woman and depict how she reinvented herself as ‘The Virgin Queen’.”

I get that, and it’s a nice sentiment, but when I look at this I feel like she’s going to eat me. She’s got the Freddy Kruger melty face thing going on and those cold dead eyes that promise to haunt my dreams, and is anything more horrific than a lime green frilled collar?

$350 may be a steal for a work of art, but I can have nightmares for free.

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Renee loves visitors.

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And God Said, “Let There [Penis] Light!”

Stacy — Fri, 02 Apr 2010 19:00:34 +0000

A good, beautiful lamp is multi-purpose. When you’re entertaining friends, it subtly highlights the scene, their smiles, the glasses (and bottles *ahem*) of wine on the table. You’re kicked back in a chair, your feet on an ottoman, and a good lamp illuminates the words on the book just enough so you’re not straining your eyes, but not enough where you’re squinting and feel like you’re in a mechanic’s garage at nighttime. Lights brightens a room, adds a glow to your children’s faces (or the children of your friends, children who will be leaving soon). It brightens everything just so. A lamp, some will say (not really) is the light of life indoors. And media like to say we’re all fat, so it follows that we’re always indoors.

I’m not sure who said it (Ed. – nobody), but a penis also illuminates life. It subtly highlights the scene, the smiles on your friends’ and children’s faces, glasses of wine, a good book. And so it follows that a penis lamp is a sort of nirvana for interior design.

For only $8,000 this penis lamp can be yours. And while you may balk at that price, think of the Christmas dinners you’ll host, your kid’s sleepover parties. For $8,000 you can be the talk of the town and be a part of those children’s nightmares.

For $8,000 you can illuminate the lives of everyone you know. Even if you don’t currently have a penis, you can make certain your friends have penis envy. So, really? $8,000 is cheap.

Quoth Brick Tamland, in “Anchorman, The Legend of Ron Burgundy,”I love lamp.” Well, if that is really true, I think his head [etc.] would explode. [PUN!]

Source

. . .
Anastacia “Jurgen Nation” Campbell’s lamp life is none of your business.

You can follow her on Twitter here.

^{In all seriousness, while not my taste at all, this lamp has incredible detail and must have taken a ton of skill. I poke fun only at the fact that it is a PENIS lamp, but the quality is clearly superior and the artist has some serious talent.}

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Washed in the blood of this cake

suebob — Thu, 11 Mar 2010 18:00:21 +0000

Just in time for Easter, a cake that takes the symbols of the season to a disturbing new level.

A lamb cake. A cake that is meant to be decapitated. And then it bleeds jam.

Happy Easter, kids!

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Suebob does not think desserts should scare the children.