I know this is too late for this year, but file it for future reference. This dollhouse miniature table centerpiece from Purple Shammrockshop is tiny:

But wouldn’t it be great to make a life-sized one out of cake balls and gummy worms? Please, someone, do it and send me photos. Please?

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Yep. I’ve said that before. That awesome (sarcasm) uterine massage after having a baby? Yep, that did it.

Uterus Pinata was a new one though.

I adore that the creator is self aware – she knows it’s a little strange – Hell she links to Regretsy in her listing even.

I was a touch disturbed by this mental image:

The Uteriñata is excellent fun for all ages, even toddlers will enjoy the grab-the-string-and-pull action!

I immediately pictured my kid yanking out tampons or whatever and threw up in my mouth a little.

My bigger concern, of course, was just what candy would be most appropriate for inserting into a Uterus Pinata? I was thinking some Werther’s Originals because 1. they look like little cervixes (cervixi? cervipedes?) and 2. no one eats those things anyway.

I told my boyfriend about my dilemma – because candy stuffed uterus is totally normal conversation around here and his IMMEDIATE response was, “Oh totally those gummi lighthouses that really look like penises (penii? penipedes?)

Which is why I love that sick sumbitch.

What candy would you stick in a Uterus Pinata?

If you hadn’t already noticed, Halloween is a perfect storm of costume and decoration Craftastrophicness.  There are awful outfits, terrifying centerpieces, taxidermied wildlife, candy treat gross outs and the unforgettable horrifying dolls.

Like this one!

You know how good horror movies are scary because they have great special effects, nuanced performances, and enough creepy music to make you truly anxious straight through to the climax?

This doll is not like those movies.

This doll is like the other kind of horror movies, the kind that are scary only because they’re so bad, so poorly made, that they make you wonder about the aggregate level of sanity of the people responsible for making them.

It’s almost enough to send you into an existential conundrum, if not for the frosted edges.

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Renee no longer plays with dolls.

I remember when South Park first came out.  I was in high school and it was the funniest thing since The Simpsons. And when my Hulu queue finally came up empty, I went online and watched every episode of South Park that I’d missed since starting college.

This is why when I saw the below paper machier head, my first response was, “That looks like a retarded Cartman.”

No, I don’t mean if Cartman were retarded, this is what I imagine he’d look like (minus the silver skin).

I mean this:

So if you want a hollow papier mache version of retarded Eric Cartman (minus the silver skin) look no further–it’s yours for the bargain price of $190!

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Renee actually owns a pair of South Park pajamas.

It’s happened that I keep finding craftastrophes that just don’t need descriptions. So here you go. Eight inch tall sculptures of nude men on a bench, one passed out on the other, and both have extremely hairy legs.

Do with that what you will.

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Cat Rocketship wrote this post. She is an artist and is okay with nudes, but not these nudes.