I feel like Christmas has come early for me. The other day, just as I was wondering what new Craftastrophe should be the subject of my next post, I opened up Facebook to find a glorious bounty of craftastrophic photos courtesy of my friend AJ. I’m not sure where these Santas live, or who’s responsible for them, but they’re truly magnificent in their awfulness. My only regret is that I was not there to witness them in person. Ladies and gents, I give you “The Twelve Days of Craftastmas.”
On the first day of Craftastmas my true love gave to me a shrivel-armed Santa waving…
On the second day of Craftastmas my true love gave to me…okay, enough of that. But seriously, what’s with this guy’s mittens? They look liked deformed crab claws. And the way he’s holding that box just makes me think of Andy Samberg’s ode to holiday gift giving…
Speaking of deformed crustaceans, why is this guy shaped like a lobster? And what awful thing did lobster Santa smell that made him make this face? (Two bucks says it was something fishy…)
Remember that part in Beetlejuice where he says something offensive to the voodoo guy and gets his head shrunk with magic voodoo powder? I think if this shot was a little wider, we’d see that voodoo ghost sitting off to Santa’s right. Also, that bag’s placement creeps me out. What am I going to grab if I reach in there?
Oh no, Santa deflated! And once more, there’s some creepiness going on around Santa’s junk. Hey Santa, is that an incredibly phallic item in your pants or are you just happy to see me?
“Not even trying!” – AJ
What is wrong with your eyebrows, Santa!? What monster crafter thought “These eyebrows look odd all white. How about I just scribble in the middle with a black Sharpie?” Also, why is Santa’s body a pumpkin? And what is he looking at that is making him feel so suspicious? This is a Christmas mystery.
Hey everyone, it’s Orson Welles Santa! I hope he doesn’t lose his sled.
Mini Santa is the victim of poorly executed crochet. Luckily, it looks like he has a poorly crocheted Mrs. Claus laying back in the bin behind him.
Oh Jesus. Santa has polio. It’s inspiring to see that this has not hindered him from taking up tennis.
If you keep messing with Santa’s ho, Santa’s gonna cut a bitch.
Take a second. Breathe it in. Note the paper bag forty on the right, and the disabled Santa on on the ground, then ask yourself, “What are they planning to do with that caged porcelain bear, anyways?”
Merry Christmas!
Renee would like to thank AJ for his photos.
December 7th, 2010 at 1:32 pm
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December 7th, 2010 at 2:06 pm
Funny, but horrific ! Where did some of these faces COME FROM!?! lol
December 7th, 2010 at 9:55 pm
Oh. my. word. Those creepy things are going to give me nightmares. Thanks for that. LOL Good Lord. Why? No, really. Why?
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December 9th, 2010 at 8:43 am
OMG this is the most hilarious blog I have ever seen. you are so right – crafts are not always pretty. I thought velvet Jesus posters were bad. These Santas are what nightmares are made of.
Thanks for the laugh!!
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December 10th, 2010 at 2:33 pm
Gotta love the creepiness of vintage Santa decorations (at least I love them, anyway!)