Like all good citizens of internet land I love me some bacon, zombies, ninja, people balancing weird shit on various livestock and domesticated animals, cupcakes and unicorns.

But one special lady has managed to not only combine unicorns with cupcakes but simultaneously evoke Rule 34 of the Internet – if it exists there is porn of it.

Well sorta.

If you are into that kind of thing.

Cause apparently she believes you might be.

Oh. Em. Gee.  I present you:

Unicorn Pasties IN YOUR SIZE

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I actually have NO IDEA where the unicorns fit into this.  As I see no evidence of a horn nor does this make me happy.

Not in the slightest.

I think she may have found the horn…

CANNOT UNSEE!

Kelley – who spent some time wandering around in this chicks Etsy shop and now has a counsellor on speed dial.  And really itchy nipples.

It’s official.  Somehow I’ve turned into a city girl.  Suddenly mountains and fresh air make me twitchy.  With every rustle of the leaves, I’m dead certain that blood-thirsty zombies are coming to eat my brains.  Because I keep finding things like this:

Ayup.  Someone has made their very own decapitated, infant Fire Marshall Bill.  I think the artist sums it up quite well.

You know you don’t have enough stupid crap in your home so you should buy this.

I’m going to guess his advertising slogan for toilet paper would be, “What else are you going to wipe your ass with?”

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Elly Lou also prefers toilet paper to poison ivy leaves, for the record.

According to the artist, they ……

“almost look real!
almost feel real!
almost are real!”

Now I don’t know about your boobs, but mine?

“aren’t saggy !
aren’t furry!
aren’t square!”

And I only have two.

But my nipples are rather perky like that.

Was that TMI ?

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Kim would like to thank Dr. William Hedden.

We LOVE bacon here at Craftastrophe. If you don’t believe me, do a search. We have had many, many fine bacon-related items as features.

But we have never had Bacon Soap before. Well, there comes a time for everything:

The big disappointment is that it doesn’t SMELL like bacon. It smells like VANILLA. Wtf is the point of washing your hands with lovely bacony soap if you don’t smell like bacon afterward?

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Suebob is a vegetarian. But she loves bacon.

In the best way possible, because really? LOOK AT THIS!

Hand cast in porcelain, it is a Kerr Mason jar replica as a votive holder. I need one. I need three, actually, because LOOK AT THEM!

How charming would these look hanging over the covered patio by the pool? Or dangling gently from your hands in amazing dark lighting? Like this?

So, my advice? Go buy one, but if you buy them all before I get a chance to, I will punch you in the throat.

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