If I suddenly decided that I wanted a bikini made out of fur, beaver wouldn’t even be in the top ten list of animals whose fur I’d want.
I could understand maybe cheetah, or leopard, or zebra. Giraffes are cool, and tigers, snow leopards, white tigers, black panthers, even alligator or some sort of shiny snake would be alright. But beaver?
On my beaver?
And yet somehow, this exists:
The new multicolor sheared beaver fur bikini (for women)
In the case that I did for some reason (maybe because all the animals in my top ten are also on the Endangered Species list…) decide that my fur bikini should be made out of beaver (as my friend Stephanie pointed out, it’d probably swim well…) I seriously doubt I’d choose this particular incarnation.
Since when do beavers come in pink and yellow?
Why is the bikini tied together with burgundy yarn?
And are you sure this wasn’t made for a transvestite? Because that bottom looks like it’s got a whole heck of a lot of room up front.
This looks like a haphazardly assembled costume for some high school TV media short film called something like “Amazon Cavewomen Go Bananas.” It looks like a rejected wardrobe choice from Encino Man. It looks like something even this guy wouldn’t wear.
Also, please take a second to consider that nowhere in the listing for this item is there a picture of the back side, which leads me to the unfortunate conclusion that it’s *probably* a string thong (although when you’re only paying $219 for something that allegedly retails for “$700 – minimum” you should probably expect to have your ass hanging in the wind).
I’m sorry. All of my posts lately have been about inappropriate craft boobs. I just keep finding them. It’s like these craftastrophes want to be exposed to the world. For the second time in three weeks, this find was actually captured in the wild here in my own city.
If anyone out there needs a displeased-looking cabinet angel with big ol’ knockers, Craftastrophe can help.
As Twilight fever grips the world (yes, AGAIN), tweens and sexually frustrated soccer moms (and maybe the occasional Craftastrophe writer) will spend the next two days consumed by vampire and werewolf filled daydreams. Where oh where can these poor, tormented ladies find solace?
Why with their own personal Manllow! Duh.
Meet Eddie Mullen. (Try and ignore the fact that he looks more like Adam Lambert with a fat lip than Robert Pattinson.)
Manllow: half man, half pillow.
Forget the sensitive Mr. Cullen who protects damsels in distress from oncoming vehicles, there’s a new vamp in town. Meet Mullen, Eddie Mullen. He’s a little dark and a little depressed, but that makes him all the more perfect to cuddle with. Sleep with him, cuddle with him, use him as a neck rest, the Eddie Mullen Manllow is there to be your man and pillow all in one.
Based on the state of that tee, I’m going to assume he’s already had a nasty run in with the werewolves. Clearly the pea coat didn’t survive.
My inspiration for this pattern was a request from a man that wanted something new and fun to wear. He was delighted with the outcome and I believe your man will be, too.
Make some up for the Valentine in your life. Make them for fun. Make them for profit if you want to. Or, just make them for you.
Somehow that sets off my BS detector. Every man I know would rather let Perez Hilton wax their legs than wear something like this. But maybe that’s just out here on the West Coast. Men in Oklahoma City are probably begging for crocheted jockstraps. You know how that humidity gets to you. This would at least alleviate the dreaded “sticking to the leg” problem.
Please note that this is just a pattern, not the item. Twig and berries not included.
