The sewing machine and I are not friends.

I have made many the awesome costume for my kids for school shizzle and dress-up parties of epic proportions.

Krusty the Clown, Rapunzel, a cow complete with WORKING UDDERS, ye olden day prostitute fair maiden, a Cockatoo with individual feathers, Marilyn Monroe in a body bag… To name a few.

But they were all hand sewn.  NOT to be machine washed.

Basically one use only.

I do not profess to be a professional.

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from the listing:

Custom Costume

You tell us… We deliver!

And THAT is what you chose to advertise your wares?

Desperately hoping that he is wearing the actual pelt of Cookie Monster or at least that hypochondriac giraffe from Madagascar for five HUNDRED bucks.

Or is that plane fare?

Cause if you hand deliver that shit to me I will gladly kick your arse all the way back from whence you came.

Kelley – who is sorry for the Gary Coleman reference.  Sorta.  Not really.

Happy Memorial Day, readers.  To celebrate, I sought out the most patriotic craft the world has ever seen – a lovely bottle-cap pendant featuring Barbie’s disembodied face with a rhinestone pin stuck in her forehead.  Cue the Star Spangled Banner and…..tah-frickin-dah.

You can almost smell the apple pie, eh?

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All jokes aside, Elly Lou is super grateful to those that serve in the military.  Pinky swears.

I knew that the Gulf oil spill would eventually harm humans and marine life alike, but I never thought it would be so soon ……. or be so shocking !

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Kim suddenly feels all itchy down there.

Honestly, I think you need a better plastic surgeon if these are what they look like:

I am trying my hardest to picture the target audience for this piece and all I can come up with is gardeners with plastic boobs. Or models with big gardens. Or…oh, I give up.

And I learned early not to stuff my bra. Because the tissue can poke out and it is kind of embarrassing:

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Suebob has some great looking tomatoes.

Remember those 1980′s public service announcements that explained that friends don’t let friends drive drunk?  I think the Ad Council needs to start producing those for crafts.

Something like “Friends don’t let friends spend $80 on a bag and three coat hangers.”

Or maybe they just need to make them for the crafters.  The “artist” behind this craftastrophe explains that,

“Art should evoke an emotion and make a statement…you may want to display this lovely piece.”

I’m not sure what emotion I’m supposed to experience when viewing this–Confusion?  Remorse?  Rage?–but I like the crafter’s assumption that the buyer may (or may not) want to display it.

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