Thank you for the $5 McDonald's gift certificate for my birthday last month. You always remember my birthday with such generosity, so it's only right that I use my hard earned beer and pot church donation money to return your graciousness.
I know that grandmas want to look fierce and the winters are getting colder every year, so I thought I'd get you a hat. A hat that looks like your head is on fire. Just looking at it will make you warm.
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Shit.
I saw this special, buy INDERAL no prescription, INDERAL blogs, fuzzy blood-red hat and was immediately like, "WHOA, rx free INDERAL. Grandma! I bet she's all looking in the mirror every day at her sensible style and thinking, 'Damn, yo. I needz me some goth shiz to really make me stand out at Bingo!'" So, um. Here. It's even entitled, "Grandma Goes Goth Skullcap!"
Well...maybe. That's a start. Not bad.
I know you like yarn a whole lot because you're always doing crafts, so I picked this hat out for you because it looks like a really expensive ball of yarn exploded. Which would be cool, right? If something you like a bunch just exploded? I think that would be awesome, BUY INDERAL NO PRESCRIPTION. INDERAL street price, [caption id="attachment_5815" align="aligncenter" width="240" caption="Burn, baby, INDERAL long term, Fast shipping INDERAL, burn. Wait, doses INDERAL work. INDERAL canada, mexico, india, No. Don't burn, discount INDERAL. That's Grandma's HEAD!"]
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BUY INDERAL NO PRESCRIPTION, Ugh, no. Wrong track. Start over.
Mom says you're really upset that your hair is silver and has been thinning, so
Okay, that's really bad. THINK, DAMMIT!
You seem to like Ronald McDonald so much, I thought I'd buy you a hat so you can look like him. Coming separately is a tube of Avon lipstick in red.
[caption id="attachment_5811" align="aligncenter" width="240" caption="Grandma's going as "Ronald McDonald's Hottie Mistress" this year for Halloween"]
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No, that sounds...confrontational. Grandmas are sweet, and so what if she thinks $5 still buys a full meal. It's the thought that counts.
Okay, here goes. Last try.
I think I read somewhere that head wounds are totes in for Spring '10, so I bought you this with that in mind. I know you like to be fashionable, but I've been meaning to tell you that you might be needing some help with that. So...ta-da! Not only does it look like you have a nuclear head wound on your entire skull, when you turn to the side you can impress folks even more with the detail that makes it look like your actual brains are seeping out of your head! If they don't call the ambulance and some young buck isn't sealing his lips over yours to rescuisitate within 10 minutes, well. It will happen; how can it not? It looks like your brains. Seeping. Out of your head. Now that's a story for bingo next week. So what if your head looks like the tip of an almost used Tampax? Fashion isn't supposed to be easy or comfortable, like your seventeen pair of Easy Spirits. Real brand INDERAL online, [caption id="attachment_5813" align="aligncenter" width="240" caption="BRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIINNNNS....seeping"]
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Enjoy, and say hi to Granddad for me, buying INDERAL online over the counter. Where can i buy INDERAL online, PS: The fashion designer is totes haute couture and has this to say about the skull: "The hat is enhanced with a ceramic button, shaped like a heart, cheap INDERAL no rx, INDERAL dangers, with a skull-and-crossbones design. It is also in tones of red and black, INDERAL brand name. INDERAL from mexico, I designed and painted the button; it is an original." You know how on the teevee, a gangsta will sort of pull up his shirt to reveal the Glock tucked into his waistband? Awww...yeah, buy generic INDERAL, INDERAL alternatives, now you can kick it GothGangstaGranStyle and be all, "Oh? You don't have a senior discount?" and then turn your head slightly to show the skull and crossbones and they'll be all waving their hands and shaking, buy INDERAL from canada, INDERAL forum, refilling your coffee for FREE, yo.
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Because that's how Goth Grans roll.
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March 26th, 2010 at 1:09 pm
[...] Want to finish my Craftastrophe post? Read the full version here. [...]
March 26th, 2010 at 1:16 pm
Hahahahaha you kill me dead, pretty much every day.
My granny has one of these in teal. We call her a muppet.
.-= Karen Sugarpants´s last post ..Grandma’s Gone Goth =-.
March 26th, 2010 at 1:51 pm
Oh, my.
.-= KimT205´s last post ..Thanks, I needed that ……. =-.
March 26th, 2010 at 3:39 pm
[...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by craftastrophe, craftastrophe and Kim, Kathleen Smith. Kathleen Smith said: My favorite Friday laugh – not to be missed! RT @craftastrophe Oh Em Gee. Grandma’s Gone Goth: http://bit.ly/d3iyzK [...]