“Sir, yes sir!”

“Richardson, are you familiar with the Army’s Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell policy?”

“Sir, yes sir!”

“And what does that policy state, Richardson?”

“Sir, the policy states that no one should ask about another soldier’s sexual orientation, and no soldier should voluntarily tell another soldier about his or her sexual orientation, sir.”

“And does that policy extend to hats, Richardson?”

“…umm…hats, sir?”

“Yes. Hats, Richardson. Like that hat you are wearing. Does Don’t Ask Don’t Tell apply to hats, Richardson?”

“I…uh…I don’t believe so, sir.”

“No? Well then, Richardson, you MUST tell me where you got that FABULOUS hat. That’s an order soldier!”