Me thinks you put the knee pads on the wrong side, Sweetie!

{source}

For the beloved man in your life. The one that inseminated you then sat back and watched as you birthed a watermelon-sized child from your tender pink lady bits.

The one that said he was not going to have that vasectomy and “why don’t you just get your tubes tied instead”.

The one that you threatened to remove his parts all together if he didn’t suck it up and just get it done already.

Um… maybe I’m projecting a little too much.

ANY- way…

Have a happy vasectomy!

*If* that story were about me, I may, or may not, consider giving him this beautiful card, with a bag of frozen peas.

From the listing:

This is a handmade card and envelope set featuring an illustration of a the male anatomy from a vintage anatomy book. This card is the perfect gift for the sexy man in your life! Celebrate the magic of reproductive anatomy with this CUNTastic card!

“Cuntastic”? Really? Interesting choice of words… and here I thought we were talking about peen…

{source}

baby michael jackson

Originally uploaded by dietrich

“mama! mama!”

Reminds me of this episode from Family Guy:
(more…)

I got your turkey right here, betches.  Watch out for the safety pins!

{source}

Whether you’ve been to a strip club or not, I’m sure you can imagine what those ladies can do with a stripper pole. All that upper body strength? Leg wrapping techniques?

Uh. Nevermind.

Hey, mommy? What’s on your necklace?!

“Oh, nothing sweetie. It’s just a dancing lady.”

A wee little nekkid lady.

Uhhhhhh. Riiiiiiight.

I’ll contack you right after you clean that stripper pole. It’s a little too authentic for me.

{source}